When The Old Man Died I Did Not Cry

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icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

0 posted 2003-06-15 01:57 AM

He was still alive
when I took his hand;
his strength was almost gone,
his eyes were child bright
with the good fear
of the first big kid ride
at a real grownup amusement park.
You see, I knew he had ridden
the Coney Island Cyclone
because he had ridden it with me;
I could see that he was thinking
this was going to be an even bigger ride.

There are always conversations
left unfinished,
precious trivia left unsaid
it goes along with living
with the memories of the dead.

He tried to say it all then with his eyes;
he couldn't talk real loud,
the life clock was ticking fast
and the spring was almost all run down;
I said, "So they tell me
you're taking a little trip
and leaving the old broad home."
He tried to laugh,
could only gasp
with all the energy he could spare.

I held his hand and walked with him
as they rolled him down the drive
to the shiny quilted metal meat wagon.
He smiled when I asked
if he wanted them to blow the siren loud,
just for him.

When we got to the door
a young paramedic dared
to try to move me back,
but I was holding hands.
I scared the poor young boy
with eyes my Pa had given me
long before I was a man.
His own eyes sparkled up at me,
and he was looking proud
going off to die
while I said, "If they've got dancing girls
you better save a few for me,
because I'll be there directly,
it really won't be long."

With that he squeezed my hand
with all the old familiar strength
that I had always known in him,
when I was just a child,
when I'd wait for him
for days on end
wondering
if this time was going to be the time
he was never coming back,
but then each time,
when he finally did return,
he would grab my hand and squeeze
until I thought
maybe it would break;
then he would throw me on his shoulder
and we'd barely make it through the door.

I had come to wonder where that man had gone,
in the long years of growing old apart,
when all of life turned cold
and he grew smaller in my eyes.

I never knew why
he didn't kill my mother
for the hell she put us through;
I guess that's where his strength had gone,
trying to save his children's lives,
trying not to lose his mind,
trying just to stay alive,
He really was a stronger man than I.

So, looking down at him
knowing I had made him laugh,
knowing he was not afraid
to be afraid,
knowing he had realized
he had no more need to save his energy,
I let him crush my hand in his
and give it all to me.

©2003 by icebox

[This message has been edited by icebox (06-15-2003 07:55 AM).]

timothysangel1973

Senior Member

since 2001-12-03

Posts 1725
Never close enough

1 posted 2003-06-15 02:01 AM

Wonderful write Icebox.

I like the way you put memory into words. What a wonderful last squeeze that must've been.

I really enjoyed reading it.

Tima C.

If you cant get rid of the skeletons in your closet, you'd best teach them how to dance. George Bernard Shaw

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-06-15 02:21 AM

So, looking down at him
knowing I had made him laugh,
knowing he was not afraid
to be afraid,
knowing he had realized
he had no more need to save his energy,
I let him crush my hand in his
and give it all to me.

Oh, this touched my heart. It hurt, too.

When I first read the title, especially...I thought it was because he had done something wrong to you. But, found out in the reading of the poem, that you and he both had done something right!!

A very heart-touching poem, Sir, on this Father's Day.

hugs

Ethel

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2003-06-15 05:02 AM

oh dear

very touching write, very heart-wrenching

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

4 posted 2003-06-15 05:46 AM

Now that is what fathers and sons are all about. What a wonderful memory - thank you for sharing it with us, especially on this day.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2003-06-15 05:48 AM

Precious words...touching...James

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

6 posted 2003-06-15 07:32 AM

This one rattled my cage -- PIP is lucky to have you, man....lucky to have you.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Patricia
Member Elite

since 2003-04-06

Posts 2160
Missouri

7 posted 2003-06-15 07:53 AM

Mr. Icebox,

I am always astounded by your work. Usually you have my mind wondering, pondering, all day. This time I cry. Excuse me, I am going back for another read.

Patricia

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

8 posted 2003-06-15 08:45 AM

...And now you carry on the legacy. This is absolutely wonderful, icebox. We are indeed fortunate to have you share your wonderful words with us... Thank you...

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

9 posted 2003-06-15 08:50 AM

I felt that final crushing squeeze, and my heart stopped in pause, to take in the power of the moment.
It's easy to see where much of your inner strength comes from, dear ice.

[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (06-15-2003 11:54 AM).]

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

10 posted 2003-06-15 09:43 AM

Icebox my heart aches and tears roll ..... what an absolutely outstandingly exquisite write! I hope this poem will reach many in some ways .... You did not cry, but what you did was so wonderful! You made US cry instead!
So happy - even though I'm crying - to have seen this poem and enjoyed it deeply.
Love and hugs. Margherita

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

11 posted 2003-06-15 11:01 AM

icebox....this moved me so...just heart touching. Thank you for sharing this very special time with your dad.

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-29

Posts 7115
South Africa

12 posted 2003-06-15 11:16 AM

Dear Icebox, You have rendered me speechless but silence sometimes speaks a thousand words. I'd like to think you hear them.

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

13 posted 2003-06-15 11:19 AM

very touching...thanks for sharing

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

14 posted 2003-06-15 11:42 AM

One of the most powerful and touching pieces I have ever read on these pages or any other. Thanks for sharing this, you're a brilliant writer

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

15 posted 2003-06-15 11:49 AM

I am speechless

Cold hands means a warm heart

HopeS
Member Elite

since 2000-12-22

Posts 4596
Perth Western Australia

16 posted 2003-06-15 11:52 AM

This was so touching , I read it over a couple of times ..... my mother died three years ago at the other side of the world from me and I could not be with her to give her the final hand squeeze
Hope

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

17 posted 2003-06-15 02:58 PM

I'm so glad I read this...it brings back memories of my dad...James

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

18 posted 2003-06-15 07:14 PM

You've left me speechless, in tears. I'm saving it~

Melissa~

Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world!

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

19 posted 2003-06-15 07:40 PM

This was fabulous to read. I felt myself there. The pain, the memories and the realization were all mine. Thankyou so much for sharing this with me.

Marilyn.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

20 posted 2003-06-15 07:43 PM

"I scared the poor young boy
with eyes my Pa had given me
long before I was a man."

It is unfair to the work to highlight just this little snippet, when the whole is so very well done. But, it spoke to me a a bit louder.

*bowing*
Ed

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

21 posted 2003-06-15 08:16 PM

There are many thoughts running through my head but they won't translate to the screen. Let me just say that this is the third poem in four years I have put in my favorites folder....that says it all.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

22 posted 2003-06-15 08:40 PM

Just back to read again.......and I will be back again, when it moves to the back pages, to get it back up here so everyone can read.

This is one of the most touching poems I have ever had the privilege of reading, dear poet friend.

And, I have already kept it.

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (06-15-2003 08:41 PM).]

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

23 posted 2003-06-16 01:21 AM

yes..........this is
a true rare one indeed

pure...... pure

thank you

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

24 posted 2003-06-16 01:45 AM

ice:

I am so proud of you
and so is your dad . . .

This is the best I have ever read from you

xxoo

christian
Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 331

25 posted 2003-06-16 01:46 AM

sometimes poets hesitate to include
personal reference, experiences in their
poems due to the risk of the audience
misunderstanding. here, it just adds
so much to the flailing emotions seeping
thru the words. good job.

--chris.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

26 posted 2003-06-16 10:05 AM

I read this in the wee hours of the morning... and was left speechless. Several hours and readings later, I still lack the words... other than to say this touched deeply... It's superb.

Gina Culliney
Member

since 2003-03-08

Posts 170

27 posted 2003-06-17 05:04 PM

well done in telling what makes a real man a
man.

Laqe
Member

since 2003-06-15

Posts 72
Michigan, US

28 posted 2003-06-17 05:40 PM

Tremendously beautiful, icebox. I've only been a member of pipTalk for about three days, but so far you haven't ceased to amaze me. I love your work. This piece was deeply personal and easily comprehended. Thank you.

.Echo.

[This message has been edited by Laqe (06-17-2003 05:41 PM).]

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

29 posted 2003-06-17 05:48 PM

great write!

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

30 posted 2003-06-17 05:49 PM

I cannot express how much this moved me.

absolutely brilliant writing and yes PIP is so lucky to have you here.

keeping this.

Maree

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

31 posted 2003-06-17 07:58 PM

Awesome....Gosh, you have me in tears and
memories....I doubt I will forget this poem,
and I will be reminded of it each time I
see or say goodbye to my Dad...Because my
time is coming too...

May I be as strong...

Broken
Member

since 2000-03-12

Posts 271
The woods

32 posted 2003-06-17 08:40 PM

This was sad, yet not..

These lines grabbed my heart.

There are always conversations
left unfinished,
precious trivia left unsaid
it goes along with living
with the memories of the dead.

~Broken~

Such griefs with such men well agree,
But wherefore, wherefore fall on me ?
To be beloved is all I need,
And whom I love, I love indeed.

S.T.C

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

33 posted 2004-12-14 01:45 PM

icebox: Through misty eyes,I reply to this. You are never a disapointment. All you write has meaning, but this, this just brought out the tears,the smiles,the feelings. You have so much in you,thanks for sharing.best,marty

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

34 posted 2004-12-14 04:49 PM

I'm glad someone pulled this up again. I was taking one of my 'sabbaticals' from PIPs when it was posted the first time (about to take another)

I'd say you were lookin' up to the 'Old Man' right to the end, and he you. Good write

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

35 posted 2004-12-14 09:15 PM

I am glad to be able to read this again, also...you may not have cried, but I have.

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

36 posted 2006-04-04 05:09 AM

Icebox I hope you do not mind that I had to pull this poem up and send it to my nephews and nieces. Although their Dad and they were not estranged they were not close to him the past fifteen years, as he lived his life in Florida and they theirs in Ct. Of course there were some hard feelings shared over the years. But his recent death brought them together and as his eldest was indeed there holding his hand, your beautiful poem came into mind. I had to but go into my favorites to pull it up and send it on. Thank you, and forgive me for not asking permission first. sincerily, martyjo

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