How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Discussion
 Philosophy 101
 Multiple Divorce   [ Page: 1  2  ]
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Ron   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Multiple Divorce

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


0 posted 03-09-2008 08:20 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell


Just curious as to the consensus...

When someone tells you they are divorced, two, three, four times...what is your first thought?

is there a cut off for how many times before it's assumed that one person over the other is more at fault?

I have a friend that is currently in his 3rd marriage..he actually hides the number telling everyone that this is his 2nd marriage......

So what do you think?

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


1 posted 03-09-2008 02:33 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

I think it depends on the length of the marriages.. but I also wonder when someone has never been married because depending on their age they can be very set in their ways and  prefer  going home alone. Some people just aren't marriage material...whatever that means

A good question  

M
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


2 posted 03-09-2008 02:34 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

The divorces wouldn't bother me.

The fact that he is a liar would, though.
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


3 posted 03-09-2008 02:38 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

a great answer Karen.. I wouldnt have thought of that..but its because I am too trusting I guess.

M
effjayel
Senior Member
since 09-30-2007
Posts 1362
At the Crossroads of Infinity


4 posted 03-09-2008 04:22 PM       View Profile for effjayel   Email effjayel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for effjayel

Not really on topic, just a thought. After 28 years of marriage, I do not see the point in doing it again, unless of course I wear the first one out.....
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


5 posted 03-09-2008 04:48 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

You make me laugh John...or he could be wearing me out but not in a good way~~

M
LadyTom
Member
since 02-29-2008
Posts 351
LA, CA


6 posted 03-09-2008 05:36 PM       View Profile for LadyTom   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LadyTom

quote:
When someone tells you they are divorced, two, three, four times...what is your first thought?


If someone tells me this, I will say directly to her/him, "wow, you must be deeply flawed somewhere. But either go back to EX or find another one, just don't whine".

Some people work on length of the relationship. Some works on numbers of it. Either way, one has to work hard to meet the human basic need...to love and to be loved.

The more complicated side, there is strong emotional storms in bad relationship and it gets all related people in, esp parents, children. Divorced adults have all possible ways to adjust the hurt. But children don't. They just get hurt.
  
About the lying... any time it is bad.




Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


7 posted 03-10-2008 10:21 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

"wow, you must be deeply flawed somewhere."

Wow....

guess I don't need to wonder why he would lie then...

For me, that quote gives me strength...judgement always does.

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


8 posted 03-10-2008 10:29 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

M~ you have no idea how precise you are about the not ever having been married thing...you hit the nail on the head... you are a smart woman.

Karen~ hi lovie!  Although most often I would agree with you, this guy has been a friend of mine for 16 yrs and he really doesn't mean to deceive, he is just tired of being judged.  Although, for me, I couldn't lie, and lying is something I usually will not tolerate, I do understand where he is coming from.  

Thank you for all the other replies.  

I think I was looking to see if there were people that thought like Lady Tom...and I see there are.  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Essorant
Member Elite
since 08-10-2002
Posts 4689
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada


9 posted 03-10-2008 11:53 AM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

My thoughts are negative about that itself, but not about the person.   It is as a parent feeling bad about his child getting F's at school.  But it doesn't stop me from still having hope and possibly the greatest affection for that person.  
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


10 posted 03-10-2008 03:15 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Oh he's not without my sympathy.

Whenever you have any kind of a psat, you have to make some kinda decision of laying it all out on the table.

Say, if someone asked me out to dinner (in one of my wild "single again" fantasy scenarios) and the guy blurts that out while we are perusing the menu, I'd probably say something like,

"Well should I order to GO?"

*laughing*

The problem he has is not WHAT to say--we all know he's gotta tell the truth--but when to say it. There is no more chilling moment than to fall in love with someone and hear:

"There's something I've got to tell you."

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh buddy. And I just read this again, and the guy is still married in his third, but SHE knows, right?

I amend my opinion as long as she knows.

The guy doesn't have anything to explain to anybody, otherwise. I'm actually a little confused as to how it would come up in onversation.

Has somebody asked if she was the starter wife. the movin' up wife, or the really understanding one? *lmao*
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


11 posted 03-10-2008 07:00 PM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

LOL yes she knows.

But I wish I hadn't put that example in there, it completely took away from what I was really looking for....

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


12 posted 03-10-2008 07:36 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

oh man...

laughing

PSAT

First I read it wrong, then I type it wrong, and now I think I'm just gonna take another vow of silence.

Sheesh.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


13 posted 03-10-2008 07:38 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

AND "onversation."

OH I like that one.

I never could shaddup.

"onversation."

oooops

See? My vow lasted, how long? Somebody do the math for me before I muck it up again!



Karen exits, shaking her head and muttering...."onversations"! HEH.

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


14 posted 03-11-2008 12:07 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Some of my best moments in life K have been onversations actually.

As for being judged for multiple marriages or lack of, I have to wonder which of these is worse.  Having been married four times to find out that you are just not marrying material, or in fact they know you have been married four times, but still they persist.  Wonder why they can't figure out you are not marrying material, and should stay away before they become number five!   I sort of know this one.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


15 posted 03-11-2008 12:13 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Then there is the "nonversation".

*chuckling*

A certain guy offered that contribution, so I have to give credit where it is due.

*sneaky smooches* to my nonversationalist!

grins
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


16 posted 03-11-2008 12:57 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Maybe his biggest crime is making poor choices.  The fact that he lies about the number of marriages is sad and, I think, stupid - but maybe he is ashamed of being stupid.

I have a friend who is afraid to marry for a third time.  His first wife cheated on him when he was in the Coast Guard years ago.  His second wanted a divorce the day that they found out their application for adoption was approved.  She took the young child they conceived together, adopted the other child and moved on.

Of course, I only hear one side of the story, but, he has become one of my best friends living with my other best friend.  He makes my friend happy.  He has shown me nothing but a desire to be honest and to do right.  He is also my boss.  He is a wondeful father who participates fully in the raising of his son.  He also cares very much for the adopted son his ex-wife has.

So, now he is in this great relationship - afraid to take the next step.  

Maybe there is no easy answer to your question, Susan.  Who knows why people divorce?  Who knows why some people get together in the first place?  Sometimes the first mistake can never be corrected.

Interesting questions to consider.  Maybe divorce is too easy an answer to sometimes temporary problems.

Alison
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


17 posted 03-11-2008 09:24 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

Alison ~ just thank you.

At least you give me hope that there are people out there that consider other reasons.

Karen~ this "nonversation" you speak of, I do not know of...unless I am upset..then I nonversate all over the place.  

Duncan should be in on this...

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


18 posted 03-11-2008 09:54 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

quote:
As for being judged for multiple marriages or lack of, I have to wonder which of these is worse.  Having been married four times to find out that you are just not marrying material, or in fact they know you have been married four times, but still they persist.  Wonder why they can't figure out you are not marrying material, and should stay away before they become number five!  

I have a dear relative that went through four marriages...and stopped looking.

That's when her last husband of 30 years found her, and treated her as she never could have imagined. Soul mates do exist. Sometimes we work too hard on trying to find them.

No, Susan, your friend should be honest with the numbers. Tell him what counts more is the fact that he continues to have hope that he might find a woman that will work at marriage, but only if he's willing to do the same.


oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


19 posted 03-11-2008 03:24 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

Hi Susan:  RE: "When someone tells you they are divorced, two, three, four times...what is your first thought?"

My first thought is, "me, too!"

My first marriage, to my high school sweetheart, lasted 10 years.  Ten years after that, I remarried.  Lasted 12 unpleasant months.  My third marriage has lasted 18 years so far.  

I don't feel a need to lie about the number to anyone.  I particularly don't feel a need to lie about it to another woman, since there ain't one, and I ain't looking.

People do make seem to make judgements about "divorce" though, just as they make judgements about everything else.

I tell wife Deb, only half in jest, that I married her for her record collection.  I look at that as an affirmation of the "soul mate" possibility.

Best, Jimbeaux  
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


20 posted 03-11-2008 08:52 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

In light of these times with sensitivity to recycling - how wonderful it is to not always go for the fresh and new person to spend our lives with.  Some of the most interesting people come with a past and a life (maybe more than one life) with another - we can always consider ourselves doing the best for our emotional environment and understand that their past helps make them the people we love today.

A

[This message has been edited by Alison (03-11-2008 11:19 PM).]

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


21 posted 03-11-2008 11:06 PM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

lol I like that.  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


22 posted 03-11-2008 11:21 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Susan,

I kinda changed the post that I think you responded to as I was emailed that it could beconsidered hurtful.  Didn't see that myself, but what the heck .. it's not that hard to try to spare someone's feelings, I guess.

A
LadyTom
Member
since 02-29-2008
Posts 351
LA, CA


23 posted 03-12-2008 02:21 AM       View Profile for LadyTom   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LadyTom

Everybody has a conscience.
Everybody has a point of time
to nakedly, deeply self reflect.  
We all know what we have done and what we have said
Only we don't understand why other is hurting.
Jessica
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 06-28-2001
Posts 474
South AL


24 posted 03-12-2008 03:08 AM       View Profile for Jessica   Email Jessica   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jessica's Home Page   View IP for Jessica

Well... I am 21 years old and on my 2nd marriage. I was 17 when I married my first husband... I dropped out of school to have my baby girl and be a wife. I tried to give him the world but at the same time we were from two different worlds. He ended up leaving me for another woman after about a year. Emmaleigh was still so tiny I had to be mama and daddy at 18 years old and it scared the hell out of me. On to number 2... Ultimately, I had to do the best thing for my child. I felt like it was my fault her daddy walked away from her and it was my place to make sure she never had to ask me why that man didn't love her enough to even call or send her a birthday card. The best friend. A big mistake... He is a good father despite the fact that she's not his, he don't see it that way. We've been married almost 2 years now but every day I regret it more and more.  I still have too much to do in my own life. I know now that I don't need a man to depend on. Just because I quit school dosn't mean I can't be an example to my little girl. And Heath will always be daddy to her no matter what happens between us. I am going to school now for elementry edu. So... I don't believe being married 2 or 3 times is a bad thing.. The first one was totally out of my control... I begged him to stay. He signed over his parental rights and everything... I still don't understand it but it's something I live with everyday. On the other hand my husband now gives me the world and I just look at it and hand it back. It's like my heart is just numb. You can't help the way you feel. Like someone said before, everyone does things for different reasons and we can't even explain it ourselve most of the time.
 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Discussion >> Philosophy 101 >> Multiple Divorce   [ Page: 1  2  ] Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors