Wasn't quit certain where to post this, so I'm sorry if this is the wrong forum...
For some reason, I chose these people as lifetime mates....
I couldn't better myself or shed any dysfunction of my own, until I understood why I chose these people.
So here goes....
Narcissists are easily hurt because of their unrealistic expectations from other people.
They expect others to swallow whole their false self - a deception.
They feel entitled to special treatment. They demand to be exempted from rules and conventions - legal as well as social.
They are ruthless liers
Any hint of criticism, or disagreement - any indication that you see the narcissist for what he really is - is perceived by the narcissist as a THREAT.
Narcissistic injuries upset the precarious and delicate balance between the competing parts of the narcissist's personality. They upset the apple cart.
Narcissists are terrified of intimacy and commitment - and, yet, they crave it. They are afraid of it because intimacy threatens to "expose" their fictitious nature, their invented identities and biographies, their vulnerabilities.
Yet, they crave it because they need someone by their side who can provide them with a constant and regulated stream of narcissistic supply.
This phenomenon - of initiating an approach and then vanishing rudely and inexplicably - is called "approach-avoidance repetition complex". It is very damaging to the self-esteem of the partner and provokes in her or him strong feelings of guilt and shame.
This is a narcissist - 75% of them are males - who derives his narcissistic supply from the condition and performance of his body:
sexual prowess, attractiveness, body-building, exercising, grooming, etc.
These narcissists need a constant stream of reassurances in the form of sexual exploits, "girlfriends", liaisons and sexual adventures, often extra-marital.
Very similar to desensitization to a drug - the dose has to be increased with time to achieve any kind of stimulation. Hence the multiple affairs.
Lying is typical of all kinds of narcissists.
Malignant narcissists maintain a FALSE SELF - essentially, an invented Ideal Ego which replaces their TRUE SELF and confines it to degeneration and fossilization.
The narcissist IS false, IS invented, IS fiction, IS an illusion and a narrative. So, he sees nothing wrong in lying, inventing, and, ultimately, in losing all touch with reality.
Add to this the fact that narcissists regard other human beings as you might regard your electrical appliances - useful as long as they function to be discarded when they don't - and lying becomes completely understandable and predictable.
Narcissists can be very charming and adventurous...they can pretend to be the person they believe YOU desire in your life. But above all and everything else, fear greatly your opinion of them...they fear social activity.
I have posted this for discussion as well as simply to read and learn.
And I have since learned to face reality head on...though, perhaps thru poetry, tend to go off into that world where everything is in sync.
But in reality, just when all seems to be in sync...is when something happens...I've learned that without the bad, one couldn't understand the blessings one has...not to mention, be more aware and gratful for them.
It is wise, when choosing a mate to realize, none of us is perfect, and to discuss personal expectations to decide together if they will fit the needs of each other. Be open and honest...as it is better to loose now, then much later when so many others are involved and will be hurt.
Love is not saving another's life, or pulling someone out of some dreary darkness. i.e. Knight in shining armor or Princess/angel. If you believe that, then you set two people up to fail.
What are Your expectations of love...??? Who are you, what are your desires?
Most of all...are you in love with love, and the idea of it, or the person your dating, and if so, can you allow that person to be who they are, or the moment they do something out of your idea of what life should be, will you still allow them their personality...?
I loved adventure and didn't know what fear was.
The more dangerous, the more attracted I was to the situation. I seriously feared no thing. Part of it was, I believe growing up in such a sheltered environment...extremely naieve...
another part was simply wanting to love and be loved so badly, more then anything else...and, coming from a home void of love...void of any confidence.
If someone tells you your no good long enough, you eventually tend to submit to the fact that you deserve very little.
I believe Narcissists are very intelligent people, knowing exactly who you are and what your needs are from the very beginning.
I also believe we are placed in situations by our beliefs (choices) We are who we believe ourselves to be, and will be as successful as we believe we should be or not.
Our ability to conceive of a perfect image combined with our failure to realize the impossibility of actualizing this image in our behavior is the basic confusion that creates the suffering of never measuring up or allowing others to tell us so....it is all in our conditioning...who and how we grew up
Just thought I'd share my discoveries for topics of discussions and/or Q&A's.