Listening to every heart
Trying to remember back, I don't remember a time when I feared "dying", so much so as "how" I might die. So, I don't play with matches, or push the limits of my car to extremes I can't handle. Yet, every day I know we all face some risk, so it's a matter of where one's mental status might be on how one manages their day, hour by minute.
I believe that we are all given a reason to be here; we all have something to teach, as much as learn. We all have something to leave behind, as much as to give someone else hope for their own future.
My mother-in-love, who will be 97 in November, is "tired" and "ready to go". It became even more apparent a few days ago when she had a minor fall [nothing broken] but she quietly commented to me that she can't figure out why she's still here. She feels "useless" as her body becomes more stoved up with arthritis and her eye sight continues to diminish. As a former school teacher, her ability to read, or should we say, lack of ability, depresses her.
Yet, she rarely complains.
Ten years ago, I told her she still had something to teach to someone.
She saw five more grandchildren during that decade.
Lately, I've told her that her invitation got lost in the mail.
But when she was in the ER, and her skin had torn at her elbow [from sheer fragility], the doctors asked all of the appropriate questions and subsequently gave her a tetnus shot.
"There, Mrs. J...that will do you good for another 10 years!"
After the nurse left, her comment?
"That's a bunch of ...'bs'..."
First time her son had EVER heard HER cuss.
I think I can safely say, Mom is not afraid to die. She's afraid to live in pain, to believe she may be a burden [she's not!] and I think she's even more afraid that God doesn't want her.
No, I'm not afraid of dying. Especially if I can be as graceful as Mom, doing so. I think it is wrong of the church to instill fear into children regarding death, and dying, but neither should they make it that joyful that children would rush recklessly throughout life, with no fear at all, of anything.
What life we leave behind, should be celebrated at our end. Those who took the time to change one person's life [and I know a LOT of them around here!] should be proud of that moment, and know that they fulfilled God's love. Those who don't believe in God, should know that they were good people.
We are fed so many reasons by which to measure insecurity within ourselves through so many avenues, that it is difficult, however, to walk this earth and not fear things. Death being one of them. All I can say, Tima, is take the time to do what you are doing, and share what you know, sense and feel is "right" for you and yours.
Oh, and while children give you "that" look now? Trust me...it changes over the years, to one of deep respect...especially when you keep doing right, as you're doing now.