How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Discussion
 Philosophy 101
 Leave it to Beaver   [ Page: 1  2  ]
 25 26 27 28
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Ron   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Leave it to Beaver

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


25 posted 12-04-2004 08:09 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I've experienced both forms of abuse, Ron. I'd say the physical abuse was far worse than the emotional and mental abuse. The former almost killed me, the latter made me a stronger person. And with physical abuse, you also have emotional and mental abuse tied together with it (all in one package! ), which is not the case in situations where there is no actual physical abuse. You can have the emotional and mental abuse without the physical abuse. I can't imagine someone who has experienced physical abuse thinking it the least destructive. I'd wager that the ones who say it's the least destructive haven't experienced it personally.

All forms of abuse need to be dealt with if they exist in a relationship. And if they can't or won't be dealt with, the relationship will eventually end. But physical abuse is far more serious in that it is literally life threatening, which is why I would encourage those experiencing it to get out immediately. I would encourage others in relationships with emotional/mental abuse issues to seek counseling in an attempt to salvage the marriage if possible. But that's just how I see it. Everyone has their own personal breaking point and everyone has their own ideas on how they should deal with relationship problems.

I just wanted to share the general biblical principle of mutual submission, and an 'other' focused relational perspective as oppossed to a 'me' focused relational perspective. I've found that being focused more on 'others' than on 'me' brings more personal contentment.

Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 05-19-99
Posts 9708
Michigan, US


26 posted 12-04-2004 09:11 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

quote:
I'd wager that the ones who say it's the least destructive haven't experienced it personally.

You would lose that bet, Denise.

Which would you consider worse, I wonder? A father who takes the advice, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" to extremes many would probably consider illegal today? Or the father who spends eighteen years convincing a child they'll never amount to anything?

You're right, Denise, that physical abuse is usually accompanied by psychological abuse as well. And, yes, the former can kill people. But only the latter can destroy them.

I'm certainly not arguing in favor of people beating people. I'm just saying no one needs to wait until they've been hit in the face before saying enough is enough.

quote:
I just wanted to share the general biblical principle of mutual submission, and an 'other' focused relational perspective as oppossed to a 'me' focused relational perspective. I've found that being focused more on 'others' than on 'me' brings more personal contentment.

Then why leave a physically abusive relationship? Isn't that decision also the result of focusing on "me" instead of on others? Where is the line in the sand where those on one side place their importance on another and those on the other side focus more on self?

More importantly, perhaps, who gets to draw that line?
Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 10-12-2004
Posts 6334
Waukegan


27 posted 12-04-2004 10:19 PM       View Profile for Huan Yi   Email Huan Yi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Huan Yi

Ron,

“Which would you consider worse, I wonder? A father who takes the advice, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" to extremes many would probably consider illegal today? Or the father who spends eighteen years convincing a child they'll never amount to anything?”

That’s easy; the former, because he is not only saying it,
he is physically painfully demonstrating it.

John
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


28 posted 12-04-2004 10:54 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I drew the line at the precise moment when I realized that my life was actually in danger, when I saw that the violence was only getting progressively worse over time. I decided that my children would be better off with me alive rather than dead, even though I wished I were dead because the depression became so bad.

Both situations are bad, physical and psychological abuse. The physical is just more dangerous physically in that it could cause death and therefore requires a more expeditious resolution, i.e., separating the abuser from the abused, to prevent that, in my opinion, whereas there is  more latitude in the psychological abuse situation, absent the life and death urgency of the physical abuse situation, to give counseling a try, if the parties are agreeable to that, in my opinion. That would be my advice if I were asked.

Everyone has to draw their own lines, no one can or should do it for them. People can seek advice and counseling, but they still ultimately have to decide for themselves what they are going to do, what the best course of action is for them.

And I agree, no one has to wait around for fists to start flying before they say enough is enough, everyone has their own breaking point and they know it when they reach it. And generally speaking, people know pretty early on in a relationship if physical abuse is a likelihood or not, so if someone does decide to wait, they won't be waiting too long.
 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Discussion >> Philosophy 101 >> Leave it to Beaver   [ Page: 1  2  ] Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors