Life passes like a sea - waves after waves of events, feelings, ambiences. To every period of my life there is a distinct 'feeling' I assign to it.
What I want to express is impossible to get across, maybe because it's so vague. This past year I have felt such a feeling of tiredness, repeating, smudgy lights (please don't think this is all negative; it is negative, or 'bad', some feelings from the past year, but its a feeling of 'it all makes up the huge, 'achieved', ultimately glorious 'whole')
This is as clear as mud, yes?
The past - when we are in the past, we think it is the present: what fools we are!(?) because all along we were in the past, yet didn't know it. Am I right?
Has anyone considered this? - that the past is something that never really happened? That the day we went and ate ice cream never really happened, that it has always been in the past; or rather, that its very quality of existance is 'past'?
Has anyone ever felt like this? That a certain time in their life is somehow 'mythical'? That it IS past, and never WAS present.
Tying this up - I look back at the past and simply find it absurd. The idea of the past, what we did there, seems absurd, petty, sad, beautiful, brave.
How gallant we all are to live in such a world as this!