Everybody sees this world from his/her own perspective.
Me… I see myself as a warrior on the way I've taken.
I was born in an East European country, lived for some time in Russia, then moved here to LA. I've seen different cultures.
Some people think we are degrading.
Dark side of life can shock you if you look at it from the inside.
I walk down the streets and see people smoking weed in the corners, selling all kinds of stuff - guns, drugs… I hear helicopters flying above my house at night and drive by shootings two blocks away from my house. I have friends who've been in the gangs. I see homeless people all over the place, I see mothers with their five-six… seven children and gigantic bags full of products bought in 99cents store. I know some of these women get pregnant just in order to get welfare. Here is our morality, to get paid for having children, but what else can they do?! Their husbands work for a minimum wage. There is no way for them to get out of the hole because of the language, problems with papers, etc (Sorry, I am talking about immigrants now, mostly Mexicans, because I live among them). The amazing thing is despite all this misery I see happiness in people's faces. Those living in poverty look happier than those who I meet in "good" areas.
Free country. Is it? Brainwashing will be always successful; media steels our minds.
Personal freedom. Do I feel free? Or protected? I saw a Chinese girl in the subway today. She was eating something in a to-go box when the police officer came and told her she couldn't eat down there. He started questioning her, wrote down her ID information. The girl could barely speak English. She got really scared. How could she know about the law telling us not to eat in the subway if she came to this country maybe just a couple of weeks ago? I watched that scene with disgust. A couple of minutes later I got off at Macarthur Park, downtown LA. While I was walking down the street there, seven, maybe ten guys came to me offering fake IDs, Social Security cards, diplomas for a funny price - 30, 40 bucks. Business goes really well. And, trust me, you'll never find the police in Macarthur park. You can get raped right there on the street and there won't be any police to help you. Now, who do you think I'll go for help if I am in trouble? To the police? I don't think so. In this corrupted inverted world I don't trust them. I do not feel secure in this world. To tell you the truth I trust people on the streets more. I am my own protector. When I am out there I never know if I am gonna come back. And the only one who can help me is I.
There are several people who I could trust with my life though. Are they perfect? No. Some people would say they are the "bad" guys. I love them. Am I moral? People on the other side don't think I am moral because the ideas I have about life differ from the society ideas in too many ways. How could it happen that I am standing here and looking at the society stereotypes with contempt? I think our society is a monster. I am really sorry for those who got captured by it. Before I used to care about people's opinions a lot, I was afraid to be judged or misunderstood, or laughed at… Now I express myself freely and feel happy about it. The price for my freedom was high - I've lost many so-called "friends." I don't regret it. Now I know who my real friends are - people who accept me the way I am, good and bad, people who will be beside me always, people to whom I can come in happiness or pain. We are not free until we realize that we live trying to be something else, something our friends, or parents, or co-workers want us to be.
Churches are corrupted (as they always were). What can they teach us if they cannot live in peace and harmony with each other fighting over some little things? They interpret the bible in different ways. It is ridiculous.
I am for marijuana legalization and I am not ashamed to say it. If I say it in public you can imagine what happens. It doesn't matter if I try to explain why I am for marijuana legalization, people stop listening to me the very moment I say it. I just don't exist for them any more. Does my opinion make me a bad person? Moral civilization in which nobody listens to your opinion just because it is different…
Another thing… I am in love with the person who is, how would I put it… Who is not the one you would like your daughter to marry. What can I do if I am in love with the guy? I don't really care about morality or about what people think about him. I cannot imagine my life without this person.
People just amaze me sometimes. I work eight-hour shift in a restaurant. I don't have even five minutes break to eat or to sit down. You cannot eat during your shift, my manager says, you cannot make phone calls. Then he sees me pouring alcohol in the bar and says I cannot do it because I am not 21, it is illegal. Isn't it illegal to work for eight hours without break also, I ask him? He cares about law when it comes to pouring vines, it doesn't really bother him that my feet hurt or that I am starving.
A couple of days ago one guy told me he feels like a street dog. Those words made me feel really bad. To hear this from anybody is really scary. What is our world if a person feels like a street dog living in it?!
I know I am not answering your question. It's all very mixed up. I am confused about morality. Do I feel comfortable in this world? Yes, pretty comfortable. There are a lot of beautiful things you can enjoy. Many things make me angry, but I don't think people became worse then they used to be before.
Politics make me angry. I cannot judge them because I am not that good at politics, but…
Young guys who come to US from Mexico find easy money here. They can afford buying drugs - something they couldn't do back there because it was too expensive. Today I was talking with a friend of mine about it and he told me he feels really worried and sorry about those seventeen-eighteen-year-old kids. He sees them working, drinking, smoking, talking about nothing, picking up girls… Some of them cannot read even in Spanish, leave alone English…. Where is it gonna lead? They come to this country because there are no chances for them back there, but instead of going to school, doing something, growing morally, they end up in the gangs. Not everybody is like that, I told him. You are in college; you care about your future… Where was my friend when he was seventeen living in Mexico DF? He did crazy things. He changed. Some people are able to get out of the mess and go on, some stay there, live fast and die young. Why does it happen so and who is responsible, our society or people themselves? I don't know. How can I judge these guys who don't care about anything? How can I make them change if they don't care? They are not bad people. In fact, they are better than some of well-educated people I know. When I spend time with them I see they have tender hearts and beautiful souls. They respect women. They enjoy simple things. Most of us forgot how to enjoy simple things, we all have big plans in our heads, nothing else matters…It hurts seeing them going down. I realize if they don't stop this self-destruction it is gonna be too late.
Sex… it's a difficult one. I see sex as the union of two beautiful beings, physically and spiritually. I do believe in real love forever but it doesn't stop me from fooling around. I know I'll find it one day and it will be the happiest day in my life. I am a very open minded person, I think as long as what people do doesn't harm others it is acceptable.
Yes, I feel tenderness in people.
I feel people love each other. I mean people in everyday life. We wouldn't last for so long if we didn't love each other. Sometimes I feel a lot of aggression from people around me. I don't get angry with them. I just go away. Those who are mad with the whole world and full of hatred are not worth to be with.
You know, I could go on and on so I'd rather stop,
The one thing I'd like to change… people's attitude to each other. People judge too much.
...somos los locos para siempre
para siempre te amo