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Passions in Poetry

Relationships: Just for the moment or for life?

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Moon Dust
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0 posted 04-21-2001 03:09 PM       View Profile for Moon Dust   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moon Dust

Ok this is the mordern age yeah, and after watching a film dont remeber whats it called but it was all about dating and relationships. My question is as we all change does that mean we need to get out of a relationship and into another where someone understands you better?

It just seems as if thats the way its gonna be throughout life finding someone who you can connect with at just that moment and when the connection isnt there any more you move on.  

Don't ever give in, if you do you've lost everything you've ever had and everything you hope to gain, but if you carry on your already winning.

Angel Rand
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1 posted 04-21-2001 08:25 PM       View Profile for Angel Rand   Email Angel Rand   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Angel Rand

Hello Moon Dust,

In this modern day and age I suppose a lot of so called committments are just for the moment or for a limited period of time. Call me an idealist but I do believe that real love should last for a lifetime. IMHO many people often confuse Love with being in love. Love starts (or should start) when the mad, dizzying feeling and all the pink clouds of "being in love" start to dissolve. Loving someone is a choice, falling in love is not. To love someone you must be willing to care for them in actions as well as words and in feelings.

What is really meant by "making a connection"? When people fall in love they usually don't really care about about shared interests or if they can see and understand a similar value system in each other. Falling in love feels like a deep and spiritual connection but it is basically just a chemical and very self-involved "high" rather than intellectual and giving. That "high" does wear off and what you are left with is the essence of the person. This is where the choice comes in: Can you and do you want to support your partner in their life-journey or is their outlook on life, their values and principles so alien to you that you can neither honour them or even view them as valuable and just? Do you hold them in such high esteem that their wellbeing and growth is important to you? Will your partner hold you in equally high esteem and is your journey and growth of interest to them?
If these questions (which unfortunately are seldom asked) are answered by a yes, then I do not think that the connection will ever be lost. In this situation you would create the connection over and over by caring for the other, by loving them and by holding them in high importance. Their interests in life become your own, what is important to the other becomes important to you. Just simply because you chose to love them. And vice versa of course.

If the answer is no and the person moves on to the next falling-in-love induced "high", then I believe that what they are truly looking for is not love but just another highly addictive drug.

Hope this made sense.

Love Angel
Brad
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2 posted 04-22-2001 09:07 AM       View Profile for Brad   Email Brad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brad

Angel,
I couldn't agree more. Love is partially a choice and therefore dynamic. The other way just seems static to me and ultimately quite boring.

Of course, it takes two and you can never predict the future.

Brad
Moon Dust
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3 posted 04-22-2001 09:45 AM       View Profile for Moon Dust   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moon Dust

wow I really need to change my outlook on life thanks.

Don't ever give in, if you do you've lost everything you've ever had and everything you hope to gain, but if you carry on your already winning.

Stephanos
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4 posted 04-24-2001 10:47 PM       View Profile for Stephanos   Email Stephanos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Stephanos's Home Page   View IP for Stephanos

I must agree with the main of what has been said.  It takes much more than an emotional attachment to sustain a lifelong commitment of love.  I won't say that this is unimportant or "just chemical", but it is not the most important part.  I see the emotional high of falling in love much like the ignition starter of a car.  You can't get the car going without it (in some form or another), but it will never keep the car rolling by itself.  

I like the different words the Greeks had for "love" describing it's different attributes.  Eros was that steamy passionate, blinding, emotion-flooded kind of love.  Phileo was the love that was more like "brotherly" love, or a deep friendship.  Agape was a love that desired the absolute good of another unconditionally.  

I know the American concept of love is usually very shallow, patterned mainly after the "eros" definition.  It's easy to see that on television, in the movies, etc...that kind of love is elevated beyond it's proper place.  If the other "deeper" types of love do not come in and take root in a relationship, the feelings will die away and there will be nothing left to hold things together.  If the deeper loves are there, feelings may wither at times, but the root system holds (and promises that feelings will come back much like the flower of a plant).  Friendship, and unconditional love (which is an act of the will) holds love together through the winter seasons of life when feelings flag.  

Another interesting thing is that the other dimensions of love (phileo, and agape) are not so "me-ish" as eros is.  Case in point, when is the last time you had an agonizing crush on someone and truly considered the other person's feelings above your own?  Whenever I had those in the past, it didn't seem to matter until my aspirations were shot down to the pits of rejection.  LOL.

Stephen.
Angel Rand
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London UK, and Zurich Switzerl


5 posted 04-25-2001 07:34 AM       View Profile for Angel Rand   Email Angel Rand   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Angel Rand

Well put, and I agree with you. I have often seen people cringe when it was mentioned that love takes work. My ex even told me that if work was required in our relationship, it was no longer worth it. I on the other hand would gladly and joyously work on and improve the relationship with the man I love. To me it seems that as soon as you don't give with joy, love has gone anyway or maybe it never even really existed.

Angel
Moon Dust
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6 posted 04-25-2001 06:45 PM       View Profile for Moon Dust   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moon Dust

When you first wrote what you thought love is I didn't really understand what you meant, But now I have a better understanding, I dont understand entirley yet but I'm getting there. Anyway I didn't really agree but now I do. I want to thank everyone for giving theirs views.

Stephen - When I said about the movie it wasn't really a typical American movie. Its a british movie. And what its about is a group of people who date each other for a while and then spilt up and meet new people. Its just my life seems so that way and the lives of my mates. I dont mind but just dont think I belive those kind of American movies cos they could never be reailty ok.

Don't ever give in, if you do you've lost everything you've ever had and everything you hope to gain, but if you carry on your already winning.

[This message has been edited by Moon Dust (edited 04-25-2001).]

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