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Passions in Poetry

The Female Gender

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Robin Goodfellow
Junior Member
since 06-29-99
Posts 26


0 posted 12-27-1999 04:07 PM       View Profile for Robin Goodfellow   Email Robin Goodfellow   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Robin Goodfellow

I'm not saying this about all women because I have yet to meet them all. But I had to ask if this has happened to any other guy.
You meet this beautiful girl *Or unnattractive, apparently it doesnt matter* and get to know her. She talks about how she would love to meet a guy who was all the things a girl could want. Caring, Understanding, Witty, Clever, Sensitive, Giving, Mature *when he wants to be*, &c, &c, &c. So you spend all you time from that moment on trying to live up to her hopes. Trying to show her that you could be the things she wants and more. And when you have met every aspiration you think well she's bound to notice me now. So you wait a while and nothing. Then you throw caution to the wind and confront her. You profess your love and show her that you can give her the happiness she deserves. Only to be responded with "Oh how sweet. Thats so very nice of you but when I said all that I meant from him" And she points to the football captain or some other guy who is the antithesis of her perfect image of a guy.

WHY?!



Can any person be SO illogical and blind that they would do this? They all know what they want to a T but are completely incapable of seeing it! Ive seen this happen a thousand times and have had it happen to me. Ive seen it from the girls side and the guys. It always leaves me at a loss for words.
Now for those who dont know im a teenager so sort of expect this kind of thing from my peers only because, well we're young and stupid. And I've ahd it drilled into me that it only gets worse later. But dear god someone lie to me and say this part of it will get better. I can handle everything else but this is insane!
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


1 posted 12-28-1999 12:51 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

I wish I could help you with the answer to this question.

For years, I dated boys/men who weren't good for me. I would speak the same words you say the girls are still speaking today. Yet, when the "good" guys came around asking to date me, I would decline and choose, instead, to date the "bad" guys.... not the football captain, but the wild, good looking guy with a center stage personality.... who inevetibly would treat me terribly. I threw away a lot of years this way. A counselor once told me that he thought I made wrong choices when it comes to dating because I purposely chose those who I would never consider as a life partner.... to protect myself from getting hurt. Thing is, I did get hurt.... repeatedly.

Young women (teens & 20's) often have a hard time with their self esteem. At least this is what I think is at the crux of it. Surface images seem to mean a lot; for some reason they think that being with the 'popular' guy or 'mr. personality', despite the fact that this person treats them badly... they will be liked more or something. I dunno. Like I said, this is a tough one.

On the positive side, though, if you are a genuinely wonderful young man who is honest, tender, caring, and compassionate, I honestly believe that you will be blessed eventually with the companionship of a young woman who treasures those characteristics. In the end... you will win! Whatever you do, try not to get jaded and angry because you are being turned down for dates. Your youth is on your side. AND, most importantly, your character as a gentleman and caring individual.

I also suggest turning the tables a bit and look toward dating girls with those same positive characteristics. She may not be the model/cheerleader/popular type, but she may just be the young woman who can admire you for who you are AND give you the love you deserve.

God bless....


doreen
Midnight
Junior Member
since 11-25-1999
Posts 30


2 posted 12-30-1999 03:14 AM       View Profile for Midnight   Email Midnight   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnight

Robin, it appears that you have been looking for honorable attributes in girls (I REFUSE to call them women) who ahve none. They are the stereotypical "party girls" Who often have this good-girl, wait for sex, honor roll outside, and throw it all away for the first cassa nova who comes her way, and.....nevermind. You can figure it out. Too many females are too concerned with whether their shirt makes them look fat and whether their clothes fit in with the status quo, and it seems like their boyfriends also ahve to fit in with society's standards. The trick is to find a girl who isn't so concerned with appearances and strike up a friendship. Don't force things- just let them happen. Good luck.

 
Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


3 posted 12-30-1999 08:36 AM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

Robin,
      take it from someone who has been there. . . I tell you, if I had a nickel for every girl (and woman!) that I have sat across a table from who said, "Why can't I find a nice guy like you?" I would be a rich man.

The truth of the matter is that girls this age don't really know what they want (not that the boys do either, but there are exceptions).  Doreen and Midnight have both answered this part of the equation very well.

Let me tell you that the only thing that you can really do is just try to be yourself.  I know that it's a tired cliche, but it's really what works.  

For years, I tried to be the one thing that I thought that girls wanted.  Sensitive, caring, attentive. . . only to have it thrown back in my face. . . I spent a lot of nights alone because of that.  But, I found that when I was just myself and not trying to be anything that I wasn't. . . I was not only happier, I found that the girls that I wanted to attract (intelligent, funny, attractive (well, my idea of attractive)) would pick up on that and come to me.

So, that is the only thing that I can tell you to do.  BE YOURSELF.  You seem to be a very intelligent and caring young man.  A gentleman who knows that women should be treated with love and respect.  This is half the battle, most your age don't realize that for a long time.

Stop trying to look for what society's idea of a woman is and take a moment and sit down and think about what you'd really like in a woman.  I think you'll find that looks tend to be at the bottom of that list. . .

Doreen and Midnight have both given you good advice, listen to them, learn from them. . . I wish that I had people like them to turn to when I was facing this thing.

IT WILL GET BETTER. . . this is not a lie, it's the truth. . . it will take time though, you will need patience, but you may be surprised at what happens when you just let loose and have fun. . . I know that when I did. . . I met a woman who inspired me to write the best poetry of my life. . .

Good luck my friend. . .

---------------------------------------------

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl

Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 1176
Texas


4 posted 01-18-2000 03:34 AM       View Profile for Saxoness   Email Saxoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Saxoness

Being 19 myself, I can absolutely agree that we do seem to be attracted to the "bad boy" type, for the exact reasons Doreen has supplied...but also because in our romantic minds we see the dashing, romance novel type guy...which can be very appealing. However in all fairness, guys can go to the same extreme...being attracted to the popular cheerleader type girl...who bounces alot. And the rest of us females are standing there going...hey! What about me?!?  It's a vicious cycle, you know?
However, there is one thing that baffles me. If you are on the sidelines waving frantically at the cheerleaders..and we are on the sidelines posing for the jock...why is it we haven't bumped into each other yet?!?


 "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


5 posted 01-24-2000 02:46 AM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

And the answer is:  HORMONES!

Fact is, girls your age are ruled by the old E&P as surely as the males are by testosterone (and I DARE any of you girls to deny it!).  This makes them into walking lust machines in mini-skirts, and unfortunately the natural tendency of lust is toward the physically attractive specimens.  It sucks, but it's true.

I am not suggesting that you run out and find yourself an older woman (does the term "jailbait" mean anything to you?), because chances are the women who are of an age to be mature enough to look beyond their lust are WAY too old for you.  My best advice would be to wait it out until the sea of raging hormones has ebbed somewhat (say, age 20 or so for women), and try your luck then.  I'd bet you'll be much more successful.

BUT -- in the meantime, don't be wearing your heart on your sleeve -- all that serves to do is invite those with less than perfect morals to stomp all over it.  Otherwise, by the time you're actually READY to be involved in a serious and meaningful relationship, you'll be so bitter and reticent about love in general that you won't have any chance of success whatsoever -- because you won't be able to bring yourself to trust anyone.  And that, my friend, is the very first step.

Take it from someone who has been to the end of that very bumpy road and was stubborn enough to fight her way back -- WAIT!  

--Kess


 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 08-20-99
Posts 5896
Jejudo, South Korea


6 posted 01-24-2000 05:35 AM       View Profile for Brad   Email Brad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brad

I agree with Skyfyre. The only thing I might add is that all of us are controlled by society to some degree and that includes rebelling against that society. The 'bad boy'  syndrome may be a way of fighting what you have been 'told' to look for all of your life.  This isn't to take away from self esteem issues as well as trust issues but many women also choose the 'bad boy' because they want to rebel, they want to be different.  Some may even think they can change that bad boy (I'm thinking of an old time friend of mine right now) and that's still another aspect of control (only in reverse).  Geez, the more you think about it,  the more complex it gets.  

Brad

                                      
Mistikman
Senior Member
since 01-10-2000
Posts 729
San Jose, CA, USA


7 posted 02-06-2000 11:29 PM       View Profile for Mistikman   Email Mistikman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mistikman

Ok, heres an interesting point I would like to bring up. How does a person act like themselves when they spend so much time acting how others want them to act? I have no idea who I am, so how can I act like me? In almost every situation I act a different way. To get a little better explanation, look in Teen #2 under my name with the title New Here. The poem titled I, The Chameleon is about the different masks I wear.
Mistikman
Senior Member
since 01-10-2000
Posts 729
San Jose, CA, USA


8 posted 02-07-2000 12:12 AM       View Profile for Mistikman   Email Mistikman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mistikman

Yay, this thread inspired me to write a poem   Check it out in open poetry #6, it is titled Nice Guys.

 I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion
rich-pa
Member
since 02-07-2000
Posts 325
New Orleans, Louisiana


9 posted 02-08-2000 10:57 PM       View Profile for rich-pa   Email rich-pa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rich-pa

"nice guys finish last, but given the choices i'ld rather lose everytime"
--me
Mistikman
Senior Member
since 01-10-2000
Posts 729
San Jose, CA, USA


10 posted 02-08-2000 11:03 PM       View Profile for Mistikman   Email Mistikman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mistikman

Why is that rich-pa? Your comment confuses me  

 I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion
rich-pa
Member
since 02-07-2000
Posts 325
New Orleans, Louisiana


11 posted 02-09-2000 11:00 PM       View Profile for rich-pa   Email rich-pa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rich-pa

why is that to what part mistikman?
why do nice guys finish last?
i don't know that, i just observed it, extensively
why would i rather finish last?
'cause to be first ya gotta be one  of the "bad" guys, the jack asses if you will
Mistikman
Senior Member
since 01-10-2000
Posts 729
San Jose, CA, USA


12 posted 02-09-2000 11:15 PM       View Profile for Mistikman   Email Mistikman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mistikman

Ahh, I misunderstood the second part of your quote, thanks for clarifying  

 I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion

 
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