Jejudo, South Korea
Well, I think I can move away from being preachy for a moment but let's try a reversal of your hypothetical. What about a mother who is a Christian Scientist? She has a child with pneumonia and refuses to go to the hospital or get any other medical attention besides prayer. Do you have the right to suggest alternative solutions? Does she have the right to ignore them? How do American citizens respond to certain African immigrants (not all of course and I forget where they actually do this -- please forgive me) that practice vaginal mutilation in the US?
1st woman: thinking about using drugs
2nd woman: has used drugs and stopped
The question of drugs still seems to be in the response, not the suggestion itself. Does the first woman respect the second woman? If not, it seems fairly simple to ignore the suggestion. If so, is the first woman afraid that she is making a mistake but doesn't care and doesn't want to be told what she already knows? I smoke and the funny thing about smokers is that we know (at least we say we do) all the problems involved. When someone tells me to stop, I smile and agree but I'm not stopping (at least I haven't tried yet). If someone is angry at smoke, I don't smoke in front of them. There is very little that a non-smoker can say to me that I don't already know. But it's funny,a smoker can say the exact same thing (in a very different tone) and we both end up nodding our heads. We should stop smoking.
In your hypothetical situation, the first woman's response is not necessarily geared towards the advice but to the self-righteous attitude of the speaker. It is this attitude that I would argue should either be ignored with a smile or engaged on an intellectual level, explored and evaluated, not on a right or wrong level, but on how useful whatever the second woman's statement can be useful to the first woman.
As long as words make us feel violated, as long as we perceive that this person does not respect 'me' in the way I wish, we do not listen and perhaps revolt against that self-righteousness. A revolt from tone seems just the reverse of following the advice unthinkingly. Both are forms of being controlled and not controlling one's life.
In other words, your hypothetical can be seen as a power play. You can only gain by such a situation by ignoring the 'winning' and 'losing' of the discussion, not caring about what the other speaker actually feels, and try to think about the words and how they might be useful or useless in your situation. It's your choice regardless of what other people say.
Does this make any sense?