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Passions in Poetry

Let Me Ask You This...

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~one voice~
Senior Member
since 07-08-99
Posts 668
Billings, MT USA


0 posted 08-08-99 02:44 AM       View Profile for ~one voice~   Email ~one voice~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~one voice~

Let me ask you this.......

How many of you have a relative that has, or has had Cancer, Diabetes, or any other disease that is ongoing and life-threatening? I bet if 10 people were to be asked this question, 9 of them would raise their hand and say, ďI do,Ē or ďI have!Ē That is at the least... I would almost say that all ten of them would say that they do or that they have.

Now, let me ask you this......

How many of you have a relative that has Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder (Manic
Depression), or any other kind of depression or depressive disorder? I think the statistics are just about the same as those asked about a relative with Cancer or Diabetes.

So, my real question is......

Why do people tend to feel embarrassed about admitting one and not the other? What
makes the Depressions and Disorders different than Cancer or Diabetes? Both people with one or the other of diseases is in a life-threatening situation. Both are struggling to just survive. Why are there foundations to help find cures for Cancer and Diabetes and none for those that need pills to just feel that they belong in society? (At least I have never heard of any heard of such foundations. Please let me know if you know of any.)

I will admit to the world that I have Bi-Polar Disorder, borderline Schizophrenia. I am no longer ashamed to admit this. I used to be. And to be honest, it is easier to admit this to people I have never met face-to-face. I have faced discrimination in the workplace because of my disorder. I have lost friends because of it also. I have learned to manage my disorder, thank God. And I no longer hate my pills because I depend upon them.

But my problem now, is this: I feel that I, and those like me, do not get the recognition
and the respect that they deserve for what it is that we endure. Can you normal people
imagine how it might be? Imagine this: Your life revolves around struggling just to get out of bed each day, because literally, you may be so depressed that you donít have
enough energy to even stand. You think about ending your life, but you donít have the energy to get out of bed, so how are you going to do it? And even if there are days that you can get out of bed and go some where, you canít think straight. Your boss yells at you for something that you did or didnít do, and you donít have any clue what he/she is talking about. You are constantly paranoid that people are talking behind your back or out to get you. I, personally, used to get anxiety attacks when ever I saw a police officer. I never did anything unlawful, but I was always afraid of being accused for something I didnít do. Imagine having to take a pill everyday just to feel happy, because without it, you would never know what true happiness was. I, personally, resented that fact. I
wondered why God picked me to go through the agony of it all. And one day, I swear He
spoke to me... because somehow I just knew that I was a strong person and not just any
one could deal with that monster that I battle every day of my life.

Cancer patients have their radiation and chemotherapy... Diabetics have their insulin... and I have my Lithium. Itís a battle for each of us every day not to end up in the hospital for one reason or another. Itís a battle for all of us to keep on living. Yet, Cancer patients and Diabetics get flowers and love... People just run away from me if I tell them. I have to tell myself that they left because they didnít know how to deal with it. I
have to accept the fact and tell myself that I will always be the only one who understands
how my mind works. However, I still long for someone to understand me and know me
as I know myself. Perhaps that is why I write poetry? I donít know...

I am not only writing these thoughts for myself alone, but also for those of you who know what I am going through. I want to give others like myself the respect and recognition for their strength and endurance that they highly deserve, but that I know they never get. I want to tell them to hang in there and stay strong. And I want you all to know that if you have any questions or concerns you are more than welcome to contact me. Please do so. I would like to offer any help that I can.

I donít want anyone to think that I am saying that we as manic depressives or
schizophrenics endure more than the next person. That is not my intention at all. I just know from first-hand experience the loneliness and longing. I only want to let at least one person out there know that they are not alone.

©1999 Erin Solari

------------------
~onevoice~

"She looked at her life
like lines, never-ending,
constantly forming,
reforming and bending."




[This message has been edited by ~one voice~ (edited 08-08-99).]
~one voice~
Senior Member
since 07-08-99
Posts 668
Billings, MT USA


1 posted 08-08-99 02:55 AM       View Profile for ~one voice~   Email ~one voice~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~one voice~

I'm sorry for the odd line structure... I couldn't get the lines to appear straight after I copied them.

------------------
~onevoice~

"She looked at her life
like lines, never-ending,
constantly forming,
reforming and bending."


fjones
Member
since 06-07-99
Posts 101
MS


2 posted 08-08-99 09:20 AM       View Profile for fjones   Email fjones   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fjones

One voice---

I want to let it be known up front; I have more questions than answers about illness of the mind. Whatever I say are just thoughts which have come to mind while going through schizophrenia with my brother and caring for my Mother after a stroke impaired her mind and now a brother-in-law who has severe brain damage after having a long healthy life.

We as love ones can see physical problems and in some sibilance make sense of it. We understand the body will eventually wear out for everyone if we live long enough. But as for the mind there is so much we cannot understand as layman. The person has changed in personality so much sometimes it takes a very long time to morn the loss of that person as he was.

I know society, as a whole seems not to accept mental illness but in many ways physical illness is not accepted either. People run from pain of any kind because they are afraid it might visit them. We are good at not facing reality Ėdonít recognize it and you donít have to deal with it.

Care giving is a hard role to fill and few will take it on for love. Blessed are the people who do. I guess what I am trying to say is most want to ignore mental illness because it might require something of them. This is a sad state but no less true.

I hope my thoughts have helped you understand in some small way the weakness society has which must
Bring you great pain.


[This message has been edited by fjones (edited 08-08-99).]
Darquewing
Junior Member
since 07-30-99
Posts 20


3 posted 08-08-99 09:24 AM       View Profile for Darquewing   Email Darquewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Darquewing's Home Page   View IP for Darquewing

one voice, you've got me... I don't have any real answer, but many a hypothesis. Mine would be best understood with a little of my background. We'll get to that later.

I believe, especially being in places where the opinion is rampant, people think you can help it. I know this is a big pile of BS, but a lot of "norm's", as I call them do not.
They think that it is all in our mind, which it kind of is, but doesn't make it less real or threatening. People who can think normally, have amazing amounts of apathy when it comes to those who cannot and cannot be happy just because they should feel thast way.

I know this from the fact that I have been classified with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Dissaaciative Disorder, Depression, and a whole slew of nasty long words. I don't pay any attention any more, cause I can't afford therapy and I hate taking drugs. I just fight along through each day and stay happy where I can, and try not blow up stuff the rest of the time. Such is life.

Also I belive it is not a matter of other people helping ...I think that there should be Foundations and such not to help the mentally "eccentric", but I think they should be devoted to helping one help oneself. For none can penetrate a human mind as well as the owner of said specific mind.

I spent a lot of time alone as a child, may be where the problems started. But then again, I learned to probe myself a lot. As there was nowhere else for me to go. So I learned myself and what makes me tick. Many people don't know that about themselves. If they did they would be in a better position to fight their illnesses. Physical, or mental.

My wife, Ladycat, has been through this, and is still presently feeling the pain from not getting the help that she needs.. It doesn't truely have anything to do with her anymore, but outside forces that can't seem to be helped.. At times it is like she is in her own room of solitude.. No drugs can take care of lives big depressions..

WOW!!!
*Darquewing gets off his soapbox and passes the mic to someone else*


------------------
KEEP THE DARQUENESS ALIVE!
Darquewing
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


4 posted 08-08-99 10:02 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Erin,
Human nature is a very intricate entity....
People have a tendency to fear, debunk, and vilify that which they can't comprehend....
Who knows if we will ever truly understand how our brains work?? Hopefully, we will - In the meantime, all we can do is our best... Sharing your plight is a major step forward. My hat's off to you....


------------------
Nay, if our wits run the Wild-Goose chase, I am done:
For thou hast more of the Wild-Goose in one of thy wits,
Than I am sure I have in my whole five.
~ ≤1592 Wm. Shakespeare ~ Romeo & Juliet ~ ii. iv. 75


~one voice~
Senior Member
since 07-08-99
Posts 668
Billings, MT USA


5 posted 08-08-99 10:11 AM       View Profile for ~one voice~   Email ~one voice~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~one voice~

Thank you for sharing your comments. I just want to clear up one thing. One person with bi-polar disorder, depression, schizophrenia, or anything disease such as this, is NOT mentally ILL. I hate that phrase with a passion. I am not crazy because I have a disorder. I know the scientifics of it and basically... the cells that tell other cells in the brain how to feel cannot reach each other, so lithium creates a bridge for those cells to contact each other. I just wanted to clear that up before there were any more comments...

Also, I guess my question was a rhetorical question. I am not looking for sympathy, but merely wondering why it is the way is. Isn't that philosophy? There are so many people out there with some kind of depressive order or another, and I just want to let those people know that they are not alone. Oh, and my comment about the foundations...... I was wondering why I don't know of anyone out there trying to find the cure for depression.... I think it's interesting that doctors seem to know so much about it, yet it seems no one is doing anything to stop it. Just my brain...wondering, wondering... that's all... any way, please keep the comments and the perspectives flowing!!!

------------------
~onevoice~

"She looked at her life
like lines, never-ending,
constantly forming,
reforming and bending."




[This message has been edited by ~one voice~ (edited 08-08-99).]
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


6 posted 08-08-99 12:22 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Dear one voice....I was not aware of this condition of yours....and that in itself speaks volumes. I have an involvement with someone who has the exact same thing and I know the symptoms and what a person goes through in everyday life. Yet you are wonderful and kind, dedicated to writing excellent poetry, and appear no different than anyone else. The inner battles you must wage to be that way I cannot conceive, if my friend is any example. You have certainly never whined or complained or made excuses for having a problem.....you recognize it and accept what you must do to handle it. You got an incredibly raw deal and you accept it with class. My admiration for you has grown tenfold and my thoughts go out to you. I truly pray that some day there is a cure for this extremely unfair condition.
JP
Senior Member
since 05-25-99
Posts 1391
Loomis, CA


7 posted 08-08-99 01:46 PM       View Profile for JP   Email JP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JP's Home Page   View IP for JP

I tend to agree with Nan, human nature... sucky thing at times.

Just as with illnesses of the brain... some illnesses of the body are treated with skepticism and loathing.

If you tell someone you have cancer, you get an "oh my god, I'm so sorry, is it treatable...."

If you tell someone you have AIDS, you get: "how'd you get it?"

I managed an apartment complex and had a tenant with some of the disorders discussed. the whole complex shunned her... It made me sick to my soul that such a beautiful, vibrant young lady was made to feel somehow ashamed for an illness. Now I do work with HIV/AIDS patients and I see the same thing.



[This message has been edited by JP (edited 08-08-99).]
~one voice~
Senior Member
since 07-08-99
Posts 668
Billings, MT USA


8 posted 08-08-99 08:57 PM       View Profile for ~one voice~   Email ~one voice~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~one voice~

Balladeer: Your praise makes me smile! Thank you so much for your kind words. I too, hope someday there is a cure, and my heart goes out to your friend.

JP: My heart goes out to your patients. I think I understand what they get from society. Thank you for your comments! I appreciate them!

Once again..... please keep the comments flowing!

------------------
~onevoice~

"She looked at her life
like lines, never-ending,
constantly forming,
reforming and bending."


 
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