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My own rambling thoughts
| Philosophy 101 |
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My own rambling thoughts |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Bear with me, I'm confused. How do you know when you are in love with someone and are ready to give yourself to them? What if you want to fall in love with someone-and they're afraid to fall for you? Is there anything you can do? There's so much I want to say but don't have the words to say it. [This message has been edited by Elizabeth (edited 07-30-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Elizabeth A. Larson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
Everything happens for a reason Elizabeth. I truely believe that. I will not claim to know the reasons for everything, for I do not. But I believe they are there. I know this is cliched and probably not what you want to hear, but the only person who can tell you when you are in love is you. None of us here know you as well as you know yourself. No one does. What if you want to fall in love with someone and they're afraid to fall for you? Well, I am in that position right now, in a "friendship" that is bordering on a "relationship". And she is afraid. She is afraid of herself and how she might hurt me (her words, not mine). No matter how much I disagree with her thoughts, I can not and will not try to change her mind for her. I will not push her into anything, I want her to step in willingly. It's kinda funny, she was the one to first start our friendship towards a relationship (not that I had any objections), and she is the one who is afraid. I will admit, I am scared too. I am scared of losing my best friend. We have been friends for over 4 years and have helped each other through alot; deaths, crumbled relationships, broken frienships, etc..We know each other so well it's scary. And she is afraid of hurting me, while I am afraid of losing her by stepping closer..I hope that made sense... There is always something yo can do Elizabeth. It just takes time and patience to find the right thing to do. Have faith in yourself, and all will go a lot smoother. But never close your eyes to any possibility. I am sorry, I have lost myself and rambled again...hope it helped at least a little... ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
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Kiya Junior Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 31Kingston Springs,Tn.,U.S. |
A couple months ago I was going out with this guy and I was so loyal to him and I tried to make him fall in love with me and all he did was use me. He cheated on me and people told me he did but I believed him. Well one night he just dumps me like I've ment nothing to him--I didn't. So I call up one of his friends that I had begun hanging out with and talking to about my problems with. I was crying, my heart was crushed--well Cliff(thats the guy friend) and I talked for forever. He told me that he could not believe that Frank was so stupid, he made me feel very good-but I still was heartbroken over Frank. Well Cliff and I kept talking for days and eventually he told me that he was very interested in me and wanted to date me. I told him that I could'nt 'cause he dated one of my friends previously and it didn't work out. She asked me not to date him. But I knew that i Had really begun to like him alot. He told me that he knew we were meant to be. I said if we are then it will happen on its own. Well a few weeks later I told Lisa my friend, how I felt about him and she was happy for me. She told me to go for it , that it would not bother her. So he and I started dating and we have fallen in love. We are going to get married. I guess my point is, is that love will happen on its own. If things are meant to be they will happen and work out on their own, I really hope you find what i have found. It is the greatest feeling in the world and i promise you will know it in your heart when it happens. Good luck. ------------------ Kiya Nicole |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Thank you, Kiya and Alain, for taking the time to reply to this. The past few weeks for me have been an emotional roller-coaster. I want this guy so much, but he's had a bad experience with a woman, and said he would be afraid to fall in love. It hurt me to hear what she did to him. I always did have my suspicions about her, but even so, I was pretty upset to have those confirmed. I don't want to force him into anything-that would really scare him off-but I don't want to lose him either. He's the only one that has ever taken an interest in me, and I can talk to him about anything and can only hope he feels the same way about me. Kiya, I hope that the relationships Alain and I have been talking about work out as well as yours did...this guy and I have the same personality (this has been confirmed by a mutual acquaintance who, unfortunatelt, was not quite being complimentary when he stated that)and he is just wonderful. *sigh* I hope he realizes one day that I am not going to hurt him. Thank you both again! |
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Tinu New Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 7 |
Wow. Forgive me for being late, but this topic is directly after my own heart. I love a man who is 2 people. 52% of the time, he is a sweet, loving man. 48% of the time, he can be lost in his world, mean and hurtful (not physically). I struggle to decide if the 52% that I love dearly is worth withstanding the 48% of sh*t that I go through. And then to further complicate matters, that 48% of the time will probably be temporary. But I know I don't deserve being treated so poorly in the meantime. Do I leave and risk never loving like this again? Do I stay and wait for my soulmate to approach at least 80% of this man? I don't know. I guess that's enough whining on my part. Let's get back to your problem. On your question on when to know if you are in love, it's true what Alain said, that you are the only person who can tell. But you can ask yourself some questions that are typical of love. If this person makes you feel better, even when you aren't with them, then love it is, and that's obvious. But for me, the line between love and lust or infautation is this - when I am in love, everything gets better, my business, my health, my spirits, my grades when I was in school. But when it's not love, all the other things in life dim, not brighten. It is a very difficult situation when someone you want to fall in love with is afraid or not ready, and my heart really goes out to you, Elizabeth. It got me thinking back to when I was afraid to fall in love. So, I started thinking, what did I need the most when I was hurt, when I was afraid to love? I needed someone to care anyway, to listen, and to Really Understand what it was about the last persons actions who hurt me. I needed to really find out that I could trust the man who was so patiently waiting for me. I needed a friend. I did not want him to wait for me forever, and I gave him some time to understand when I would be able to heal, and the option to leave if he had to. He stayed. The relationship did not last, but the friendship did, and we are both better for the experience. I learned to love again, with him, then with someone else, and he will always be able to say that he was the one who drew me out, and if we had not been together, he may have never met the person is happy with now. So, if you can bear it, be there. It may take weeks or months for him to come around, and if you are there, you will have friend forever, and if you are lucky, a love for life. Looks like he'd be lucky to have such a caring person. Tinu |
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Ladycat
since 1999-07-05
Posts 782At the edge and a doorway,TX |
Pardon me if I get a little too deep with this one.. It's just a feeling that you feel.. Something so deep that you share with someone.. You do would do anything for them.. You would go to great lengths to be there for them and vice-a-versa.. In their eyes you can see a passion and desire that you couldn't see in others. You find that you wouuld have there children if asked. You know that this is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and retire in Florida.. When you leave that one for just five minutes you want to get back to them as soon as possible.. Every kiss feels like the first kiss and every time he smiles your heart melts.. Every kind word that comes out of his mouth makes your heart want to skip a beat.. Every touch makes your body quiver.. Nights when you are alone you find yourself thinking about him.. How he seems to make life seem right (perfect).. You can wake up in the morning and see him and he can see you for you (without the makeup and hairspray) and you don't mind.. When you are down he is there with a shoulder to cry on and warm words to comfort.. Or maybe even a joke to help you through the roughest times.. He is always a hand to hold.. He will put you on a pedistal.. You will be the one and the only one for him for the rest of your lives together.. You will know.. These will be things that you share long before you get together.. You will be in love long before you even realize it.. As far as the falling in love with someone without them falling in love with you.. The most that you can do is wait for them, but then there is the matter of whether or not they will ever fall for you.. More or less I would tell you to do what you think is right.. I hope everything works out for you.. Love, Lady Love is not blind it sees more not less; but because it sees more, it is willing to see less.. |
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