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Open Poetry #26
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How to Change a Diaper
| Open Poetry #26 |
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How to Change a Diaper |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania 
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How to Change a Diaper One day I decided to figure the range As to how many diapers I actually changed I was shocked and astounded to know that the sum Came to just about forty-four thousand and one I’m a sort of professional changer of diapers A wrapper of Huggies, the finest of wipers It’s men of the forum, I’d like to address For the crux of this task is to use some finesse As you witness your wife, do not ever believe You could do it so swiftly with half of her ease Take it on like a challenge, a conquest or trial Just put down the beer and erase self denial Don’t be over confident, hasty or flippant Make sure you have first gathered ALL the equipment Don’t undo those tabs, take an overall view Of the ominous task you’re about to pursue For the chances are great that the thing that you smell Is of greater proportion and straight out of hell So you sneak a quick peak at the source from the rear And make sure that the wipes are abundant and near Then you open the tabbies exposing the poop And as quickly as possible dig in and scoop Starting front to the back, seems your wipes are too few And the ones in the box are too hard to unglue Attempting to scoop any poop you can catch While the toddler is winning a wrestling match Confiscating the cloth you laid down for protection You realize the cushions will not pass inspection With all of your strength and some sweat from your brow Having used up a whole box of wipies somehow You wrap up the package, still holding your nose Attempting to figure out just how it goes With his diaper on backwards, and eyes full of cheer He trots off as you gather the stifling gear Heading straight for the garbage, thoughts bubble and burst What to do if the other one mimics the first So you sit down and study the diaper once more As to how it's designed at the aft and the fore And you think you’re prepared for a victory to clinch “Cause you watched your wife do it, and it is a cinch!! Don’t think you’re a champ til you’ve changed your first Huggie You could end up tarnishing sofa or ruggie Elizabeth Santos |
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| © Copyright 2003 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved | |||
Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
I loved this. My husband did learn to take off a diaper, but never, ever, how to put one on. Joyce |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I recently told one of our poet friends we could write about just anything, and Lady Santos, I think you've darn well proven my point! Huggies!  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
smiling... I never thought I'd say this, but you actually made me long for those days again. My son was once so fidgety that I changed his diaper while holding a kazoo in my teeth playing "Yankee Doodle Dandy." And? I always had to kiss those feet...sighs and smiles. You are just absolutely charming.  |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Elizabeth.. you certainly have proven Karilea's point. Sooooo cute. Go get 'em fellas. lol Maree |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Liz...this is so darn cute...and so right on...makes me want to just squeeze you!  |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Liz, I certainly was surprised to see a title such as this coming from you--and I love it! I wish I had this poem when I was still in the diaper-changing years! This was perfection!--and right on the money! I had several outbursts of ha-ha's! Thank you for this delightful snippet of realism and true life! You can write humor as well as your usual style of graceful elegance! You are a very versatile and talented writer!  Love and hugs, Linda |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Hey Elizabeth this is absolutely delightful! Poet's can language any subject and enjoy looking at it from thier favorite perception. The best teachers have the biggest ears |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
this is so adorable! |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
OMG! This was just too funny, and yes, I bet you sure have changed that many too. Not me! If it's full it's their baby.  |
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
Hilarious! This is so true. Great write. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
How hard can it be??? You hold them up by their feet, turn on the hose and VOILA! - clean butt! To make it easier, leave the diaper on the baby, stick the hose down the back, clean it all out, sit the baby out on the porch to dry....and diaper changing only has to be done every month or two. Geesh! How come you gals never thought of this? It takes a man, I guess...  |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Ha Ha! LOved your replies. Balladeer, my friend, you'd be much better off sticking to the rules. THough I loved your suggestions, not in my house! I have one grandson, who at less than a year old, was much stronger than any of us, it took 2 and sometimes 3 to change a diaper. I'm actually with Sharon, I don't change other people's babies LOL Liz |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
ROFL... I love this! LOL There were a couple of times when my sister questioned the number of diapers that had vanished during one of my babysitting sessions... I snootily informed her that she wouldn't have cared for the alternative. *G* As for Bal... you're too much. *G* |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (giggles in delight) Awwwwwwwwww, this is soooooooo adorable, sweet friend, hehehe! (kiss on cheek) I've never changed diapers yet but in the future I dream of having a child and getting to try this too, my future wife can assist me, hehehe! This is gorgeous, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Elizabeth, thank you for sharing! May love and light awlays shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story |
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Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
and what pray tell is this Huggie thingee? back when I was still in school we had four children under five with the babies being twins and far too poor to be able to afford fancy dancy disposables. Connie worked evenings so I had diaper duty from 3 to 11 every evening. Yep, certain lessons were necessary. As Balladeer indicated, nothing wrong with using the spray hose in the bathtub on a pair of rather nasty bottoms. Of course you had to be prepared for a male sneak attack and quickly learned the first step in changing a male is to have protection for fountain attacks. For years, I am sure people thought I was rather stupid druggie with needle tracks on my fingers from trying to safety pin the diapers of squirming twins simultaneously. In the rare emergency, a rather disgusting diaper might accidently get lost to avoid having to wash it out in the toilet bowl. (don't tell Connie although I suspect she knew). heck, a little Vicks Vapor rub in the nose didn't hurt on the bad ones. In any event, thanks for the great poem which brought back some stinky but now, fond memories. p.s. Grandpa's don't have to change diapers... praise be. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
hahahaha! this is great, Elizabeth! Core |
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kitkat Senior Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 878Nova Scotia |
LOL This was so right to the seat of the matter... Life is a story waiting to happen..Go on.... Create, Live and Love |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
*** For the chances are great that the thing that you smell Is of greater proportion and straight out of hell So you sneak a quick peak at the source from the rear And make sure that the wipes are abundant and near *** ROTFL! Now this is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUTT! |
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