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Open Poetry #26
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Negotiated Compromise
| Open Poetry #26 |
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Negotiated Compromise |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows 
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It took me quite some time to hear the music, the caravan kept moving all the while, just a band of gypsies going anywhere, looking for a few coins and a smile; the money always had to come from someone else, the smile always had to be their own, they reeked of oil, garlic, sweat, forgotten sex, I failed to understand what I'd been shown. It took me quite some time to reach the water, the dry oblivion had been so near, the promises I'd made to gods gone with my thirst, the wasteland's terror fading with my fear; as I drank the brackish taste came to repel me, until the water was the worst I'd ever known, I walked away disgusted that I'd swallowed it, I finally understood what I'd been shown. ©2003 by icebox |
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| © Copyright 2003 icebox - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
damn. I'm saving this one to chew on again later... and sorry if I've been a little late, but I am fairly oblivious much of the time. Smile. Excellent work. I want to be able to have this same impact without the rhymey-dimey stuff.  and it's okay, I'm actually quite harmless.  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
It took me quite some time to reach the water, the dry oblivion had been so near, the promises I'd made to gods gone with my thirst, the wasteland's terror fading with my fear; as I drank the brackish taste came to repel me, until the water was the worst I'd ever known, I walked away disgusted that I'd swallowed it, I finally understood what I'd been shown. ============================== what a very cool poem... a most unique and interesting write.. creative imagery dressing up poetic irony. very cool indeed. Well done poet sir. I refuse to accept that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism & war that the daybreak of peace can never be reality. |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
serenity blaze ~ This piece has a fixed rhyme scheme, so I am not sure what "rhymey-dimey means for you. There often is much raw power in your work. I wonder sometimes how much of that sense I have lost. Thank you for reading my poem and for your comments. (Don't worry; I am NOT afraid. *smile* ) Janet Marie ~ Thank you Madam for reading my poem and for your kind words. I am glad you enjoyed it. |
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