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nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2003-05-18 01:28 AM

Just A Memory

I promised myself a newness,
to place the shadows behind me,
and hold out my hand to tomorrow.

I've painted over my past,
sponged it in layers of experience
to guide my way.

But I can't deflect the words
that reverberate and taunt me.
Their echo pounding in my head,
drowning out my thoughts
until I am drenched in tears.

Here I am at 1 a.m. immersed in hurt
with no arms to console,
no voice to caress the bruised,
and only the silence of the night
to keep me company.

I muffle my sounds, afraid
if I hear them I will yield to defeat
and relinquish all my gains.

This battle inside rages on,
a Jekyll in hide, waiting
to attack my inner calm
and allow the doubt to rise.

Nothing's changed, I simulate my life
feigning happiness.
I am too passionate and
hide behind my pain,
wishing I could cast a spell
and have my dreams come true.

I am just a memory,
nothing more,
nothing less.

M

"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less."
(Will Moss)

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

1 posted 2003-05-18 01:38 AM

being a memory is better then being forgotton, or is it? hmmmmmmmm

i love how you express feelings in your writes

It matters not how you answer, It matters only that i hear you.

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

2 posted 2003-05-18 02:48 AM

time does dull the pain after awhile but nut completely. You just have to find the strngth to carry on

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2003-05-18 03:35 AM

It is a conscious choice to choose happiness over pain or sadness...that in itself does not guarantee a life of happiness...but the desire to find happiness will become fruitful as we make that choice and seek it. James

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2003-05-18 04:03 AM

I wish I could be there with you in this lonely 1 am

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

5 posted 2003-05-18 06:25 AM

Good writing as usual. You haven't lost your touch for writing the poetic blues.

I do have a solution for you so I hope you consider it.
Go to my site and listen to 'Little Miss Lonely' and I think it will help you to find a way out of the blues doldrums.
http://www.soundclick.com/ericsblues

Love ya! Just rtying to help

Eric

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

6 posted 2003-05-18 08:52 AM

I hope your dreams come true, real soon.

Rick
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 2903
Victoria, Australia

7 posted 2003-05-18 08:53 AM

nakdthoughts, we reflect on goodtimes and love, despising the now of loneliness, living the torment of regrets and not wanting to leave the comfort of expression for the bed that lies cold in waiting. We have all been there, many learning to cope, we communicate through this medium to have comfort in replies which always seem to help. Seek what you dream and to hell with the hurt.

Take care my friend.

Sincerely
Rick

Opeth
Senior Member

since 2001-12-13

Posts 1543
The Ravines

8 posted 2003-05-18 09:48 AM

I am surprised that you wrote a poem with this subject matter as I thought you were leaving the sad/dark type poetry to people such as myself...what happened?

anyways, this was enjoyable to read and well written too.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

9 posted 2003-05-18 12:51 PM

nakdthoughts - your new photo is absolutely adorable. I'm liking the new you even more...

BC

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

10 posted 2003-05-18 12:52 PM

Thank you all.

Opeth, I made a big mistake yesterday, going to a (child's birthday) party, putting myself in a position I thought I could handle, with people that I can take or leave.

I should have left, or never gone and won't let it happen again. A good day's rest, a good night's sleep and what is internal will slip away.

Sometimes being kind and accommodating just brings more abuse, not physical but hurtful nonetheless. Sometimes people who are supposedly your friends, when drinking, show carelessness and bring out the parts of them I can't tolerate, but say nothing. And holding it in does me more harm than if I were to "spit it out". On the outside looking in, is often not a pretty sight.
It wasn't worth my time, nor loss of sleep. And I sometimes wonder, when will "they" ever grow up...the adults, not the kids.

M

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (05-18-2003 12:54 PM).]

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