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Open Poetry #26
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noah j
Member
since 2003-03-05
Posts 82
on the open road with the wind blowing in my hair

0 posted 2003-05-15 12:07 PM


the sun sets
once
when i am no longer yours
and i know it will do the same
again
23 hours and 57 minutes later
for we are in the spring
and i am being reborn
this is the  mother in me speaking
“shouldn’t hurt, you’ll live”
she states
in a cold raw mentality
yeah i know—  
i think
living is not the hard part
i have much that i want
but nothing i need
i see the people walking down the street
driving their cars
outside my house
and i cry
for i am scared
changes always leave me so sad
even when i am the one who wanted a change

the only people for me are the mad ones-mad to live, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at once--jack kerouac

© Copyright 2003 noah goldkamp - All Rights Reserved
quatro
Member
since 2003-04-29
Posts 392
Galveston, Texas
1 posted 2003-05-15 12:11 PM


Great job here!

I would suggest:
"When I Am No Longer Your"

or
"Change"

quatro

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2003-05-15 06:59 PM


"living is not the hard part"
that's a direct quote from you
and also a good titlt choice

now, about change...

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
3 posted 2003-05-15 09:03 PM


"Touched by Change"
"Tears of Change"
"23 Hours, 57 Minutes"
"Born of Change"

Obviously I feel "change" is the operative word here! Oh well....

Enjoyed the read, one of your most down to earth I think...

jwesley

QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
4 posted 2003-05-15 09:05 PM


think about "memories of change"


a nice write!!

It matters not how you answer, It matters only that i hear you.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
5 posted 2003-05-15 09:06 PM


23 Hours, 57 Minutes

I like that...
M

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
6 posted 2003-05-16 04:10 AM


How about a long title?
"Everything I Want But Nothing I Need"  
James

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
7 posted 2003-05-16 06:30 AM


Noah:

"Speedbump"
xxoo

Lynda
Member
since 2003-04-26
Posts 52
Vic, Australia
8 posted 2003-05-16 06:43 AM


Pleased to read. Feel presumptuous to suggest title...but I'll try...How about "Change Eternal".
Lynda

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2003-05-16 08:01 AM


nice poem... I know how it feels...

for a title choice: "Changes: Then and Now"

and if you think of writing a series you can call this "Changes: Then and Now #1"

regards,
sudhir

teenpoet
Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280
Michigan
10 posted 2003-05-16 09:52 AM


I don't know what a good title would be, definitely not my domain.  But  "change" is the big word.  And by the way I like the poem.

I don't know if today is a good day, or if yesterday was, or if tomorrow will be, but I'd like to think so.

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
11 posted 2003-05-16 09:56 AM


Ummm..I'm never good with titles I usually stick with one liners "blah" "whatever" no j/k Sometimes we just don't need a title..*shrugs* but anyways this one hits home..most definately..and I like littlewings response "speedbump" clever isn't she!?

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

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