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Open Poetry #26

Feelings

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

0 posted 2003-05-14 02:32 AM

Feelings

If only I could express my deepest
feelings to you without being over
zest and with my truest and heart
felt honestly that would be conveyed
to you with the inter feelings of
heart pounding loving thoughts of
us being as one to eternity

It matters not how you answer, It matters only that i hear you.

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

1 posted 2003-05-14 08:33 AM

Nicely romantic, QjQ - I enjoyed...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2003-05-14 08:35 AM

this follows your critique message of "from the heart", and if you will pardon me a bit?

I truly believe you've a diamond in the rough with this.

The sincerety and heart is already amplified.
Now? Just add a sprinkle of meter, a dash of assonance for internal rhyme (even in free verse? this makes for a nice read) A mere sprinkle of alliteration and you have got it BABY...oh. grin. I DO get carried away.

but I love that you write your heart. THAT is the number one rule for me!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

3 posted 2003-05-14 08:41 AM

QjQ
Did you show her this poem?

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

4 posted 2003-05-14 08:44 AM

i have no her to show it to sey,

It matters not how you answer, It matters only that i hear you.

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