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teenpoet
Member

since 2001-10-17

Posts 280
Michigan

0 posted 2003-05-08 11:10 AM

daylight burns into an endless night
it's age untold and uncountable
a ribbon of hope sneaks through a ruinous dark
fire lights the sky ablaze
peaks of red ochre break into sight
liquid gold spills across the plains
birds' melodies sweeten the air
dew moistens the thirsty earth
a cock crires truimphantly to the glowing sun
soothing sunlight caresses me awake
and I get up to start another day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As a by the way this isn't actual scenery around where I live, but it is kind of idealic isn't it?

I don't know if today is a good day, or if yesterday was, or if tomorrow will be, but I'd like to think so.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-05-08 11:41 AM

Yes, the use of your imagination is filled with color and vibrancy. As far as a critique, and since your box is marked, I would only suggest that you do a spell check. I find that poems with good use of punctuation, correct spelling, etc., are replied to far more rapidly than those that contain errors.

But the imagery? Now, that's where you didn't let us down!

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

2 posted 2003-05-08 11:45 AM

Alicia~
Your thoughts are alive with beautiful imagery~
Lovely~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2003-05-10 01:57 AM

(smiles) Oh Alicia, this is soooooooo beautiful, sweet friend, your loving heart shines with such splendid imagery that makes the sun, Venus, Mars, and all the beautiful things of the world orbit in moonbeams! (kiss on cheek) This is excellent, sweet friend, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Alicia, thank you for sharing!