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Open Poetry #26
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Gnubbin
Junior Member
since 2003-04-29
Posts 10
Eastern USA

0 posted 2003-04-30 10:08 AM



in our childhood days
we would wage our wars
with pinecone-grenades
cap-guns and stick-swords

we'd face enemies
with no fear at all
and never retreat
until Mama called

then we would go home
just like the others
to get our chores done
and eat our suppers

then we could prepare
a counter-attack
but our play-warfare
was far from the fact

because we could sleep
safely in our beds
knowing only peace
and dreams filled our heads

but when we grew up
then everything changed
and all that "kid-stuff"
was not quite the same

although playing war
is still being done
it's not like before
and it can't be won

when real lives are lost
there's nothing to gain
that's worth such a cost
because war is no game.

Gnub

there ain't no lovin'
like Gnub Gnubbin's lovin'

© Copyright 2003 Jason LeRoy Daniels - All Rights Reserved
Justbleu
Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)
1 posted 2003-04-30 10:21 AM


Oh too true....this one aches!!!!!
Bridgette

"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again.  To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown


Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
2 posted 2003-04-30 11:01 AM


I like your poem, your philosophy... oh.. and your signature, Sir LeRoy...
Gnubbin
Junior Member
since 2003-04-29
Posts 10
Eastern USA
3 posted 2003-04-30 11:53 AM


Thanks, Bleu and Nan,  am glad you enjoyed

it's good to see ya around Nan
I'll being writing more soon, got some reading to do now.

there ain't no lovin'
like Gnub Gnubbin's lovin'

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
4 posted 2003-04-30 06:33 PM


You know, I like what you're doing here, but I can see this poem growing into more than it is. The message is simple, but maybe if you lengthen the lines and add a little more details and descriptions it would blossom further. But..you know..I've always been a sucker for images and such.

Hey..what does kicking you in the posterior hafta do with critiquing poetry?

Either way, it sounds like fun.

You could hurt me with your bare hands. You could hurt me using the sharp edge of what you say. JEWEL

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