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Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793


0 posted 2003-04-24 12:34 PM



I can not tear the words
That in this soul, swirl,
Unsung
From such coarse
Language as I speak.

I have tried

Late nights spent in sweat
Shaping tongue around rough edged syllables
That do not justice to the inner pure
And leave my mind and mouth
in bleed of want

But still…
I feel as if the perfect music
Could be formed
As words drop
    On a scale
SING
    Or strum
The real.

Would that I was talented…
And patience my form
To pick sounds slow
And harmony be born

Yet…
     I ply these thoughts
             For some true song
A poem
             Phrased
In syllabic symphony
To just once…
Once…
Say it all.

© Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved
Brad Majors
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
1 posted 2003-04-24 12:39 PM


well done!
brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
2 posted 2003-04-24 12:43 PM


I am not going to deny....
you have already done that

and because I know exactly
what you mean

some of my own favorite poems
were the frustrated
hairtearing
"why cant I SAY IT!?!"
ones

sigh...words suck don't they?
ah well...either this or....

Albert J. Allie
Senior Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 512
Queens NY
3 posted 2003-04-24 01:56 PM


Now....THIS was sheer poetry.
I loved it!!
----------------------
Yet…
     I ply these thoughts
             For some true song
A poem
             Phrased
In syllabic symphony
To just once…
Once…
Say it all.


regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
4 posted 2003-04-24 02:17 PM


Cpat,

I have read this multiple times and come with different meanings...
I hear a tune of frustration...

yet, can only say I am glad you can't least we'd not have poems such as these, if I am reading this right.

My comment doesn't seem like it begins to do this poem justice...

so I'll only add, I am coming back later to reread it...

Your poetry wrenches my mind sometimes
and that is a good thing....

Hugs Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Kielo
Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109

5 posted 2003-04-24 02:25 PM


I love the poem... and I know exactly how this feels. I was doing this yesterday.

Kielo

I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2003-04-24 02:28 PM




...I have tried...

~*~

Yes, You do...
often,
and well...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

7 posted 2003-04-24 02:45 PM


Yes...

but the thing is, we change.

and we may well succeed in the record of one thought of one moment in time, but as soon as we are done, there is another story to tell. We are always, thus, playing "catch up"...

There is an integrity of honest self evaluation that shows in all of your words tho cap, sometimes much to your horror!

Hugs you.

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
8 posted 2003-04-24 02:49 PM




(sigh) I think there exists such a thing as a perfect melody, but there is well more than one and you can discover it simply through which melody enthuses you the most! (big hugggsssssss) This is wonderful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

And that's the most wonderful thing about creating. It will always be a mystery.

***Shakira***

scorpio
Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178
right...there
9 posted 2003-04-24 02:50 PM


Given the talented words that you've have placed here in the past, I'd have to say you do find the words...and present them refined for us to read..

believe in what your heart feels...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
10 posted 2003-04-24 03:13 PM


Captain..this is what I was trying to say in my piece 'The sounding stone'..
To write the perfect piece..to be able to say exactly what you wish to say...yes.
Well done.
~Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
11 posted 2003-04-24 03:21 PM


Ron...You have touched the chord that we who write know to well...to write a feeling is not easy, to play it just right seems near impossible.  I think you have done it well!


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

12 posted 2003-04-24 09:07 PM


I can not tear the words
That in this soul, swirl,
Unsung
From such coarse
Language as I speak.

I have tried

Late nights spent in sweat
Shaping tongue around rough edged syllables
That do not justice to the inner pure
And leave my mind and mouth
in bleed of want

============================


SEE????? THIS is EXACTLY what I was talking about on my thread in Sanctuary!!!!

Which ironically...I had already replied to your return visit joking about my cliche admission  or should I say iRONically....because then I come here and find THIS....where--with NO cliches you said what I was trting to say in my poem about lacking words.....

Aint that just like a man to throw salt in a wound after saying i told you so LOL

See--in my poem I said "perhaps a master poet could turn a phrase" and show me how....and  now--one did

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

13 posted 2003-04-27 03:23 PM


'Yet…
     I ply these thoughts
             For some true song
A poem
             Phrased
In syllabic symphony
To just once…
Once…
Say it all.'


I'd have to agree with the moth on this one...


jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

14 posted 2003-04-28 02:31 PM


this is incredible....as always, I not only enjoy your words, they live in my soul
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