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Open Poetry #26
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MikeFessel
Member
since 2003-04-19
Posts 321
Brooklyn, NYC, USA

0 posted 2003-04-21 05:19 PM



Warning: this is a very strong poem, and controversial I am sure, so I shall answer some expected questions in advance.

1- no I am not planning to kill myself
2- Yes I have made attempts at suicide (years back) sigh...don't like to admit that- no not with a gun.
3- no I am not looking for sympathy- please don't!
4- yes I would like your feelings about whether or not this is a good poem!
5- I wrote this in an extreme flow of emotion, this is not my everyday thought pattern, not anymore at least.
6- I have been on this planet many years, and plan to be here many more, God willing
7- No I do not own a gun, just a pen LOL
8- I am bad at this, so I'm sure I left some things unanswered.
Please, may no one be offended, many of you already know how much I appreciate this site and all of the beautiful people on it. Forgive me for not sharing your beauty.

And now for the poem:


Held the gun to my head
for the hundredth time today.
Oh the excitement of it!
Sweaty hand shaking with fear,
boring the barrel into my scalp
to get at the tortured brain within.
Mouth trembling in a twisted grin,
eyes burning bright like they always do
when I feel the power of it.

My finger, oh my finger,
what if I gave it a squeeze?
Moving it just half an inch
would put end to this misery.
But alas I'm too damn weak.
The gun thrown to the floor
as I end up in tears.

They say to commit suicide is a weakness,
looking down on me they just don't understand.
I live on knowing there is nothing to live for,
keep on pushing though there's nothing to push against,
I'm the one who drops the gun instead of pulling the trigger.
Yes, I am the one who can't complete.
Living on, now that is my true failing,
going on, that is what makes me weak.

        By Michael J Fessel

© Copyright 2003 Michael J Fessel - All Rights Reserved
Patricia
Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160
Missouri
1 posted 2003-04-21 05:49 PM


Mike,
I am not so certain that I can critique as you do.  You are so very thorough.  However, I will say this is familiar and anyone who has comtemplated suicide will know exactly what you are saying.  Oftentimes, it helps to know someone has felt as you have or has done the same thing in the same circumstance.  Does that make sense?  It gives them a sense they are not alone, and therefore, may give them a reason to continue the journey of life.  So while some may think a poem like this may cause another to entertain a notion of suicide, I believe just the opposite, that is, at least, in the case.

Your writing is very poignant and strong.  And I can feel it in my soul.

-Patricia

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2003-04-21 05:51 PM


Weak? Wrong conclusion, I think.
Be at peace with who you are.


BTW, this might be more appropriate in the Insights forum, Mature content? Just my thought.

[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (04-21-2003 05:53 PM).]

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
3 posted 2003-04-21 05:56 PM


Well thank you for the warning!

I think this is a powerful AND a beautiful write, because it springs from your depth.
You surely speak for many ... dark times are rather common. Thanks to God weakness prevails ... or is it STRENGTH to fight the very weakness?

You see, poetry IS a gift in your life.

Love, Margherita


MikeFessel
Member
since 2003-04-19
Posts 321
Brooklyn, NYC, USA
4 posted 2003-04-21 05:58 PM


Patricia Oh you are a wonderful critic! You saw deep into my poem and all that I was trying to express! Thank you. HUGS!

"Your writing is very poignant and strong.  And I can feel it in my soul."- Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I mean that. You felt it in your soul? Oh my! Thank you!


   Thank you for your beautiful words! I shall treasure them all in MY soul
            Mike

MikeFessel
Member
since 2003-04-19
Posts 321
Brooklyn, NYC, USA
5 posted 2003-04-21 06:08 PM


Midnightsun: thank you, but peace is something I struggle with unfortunately.

"And so I am doomed to wander on and on,
another day without rest for this weary soul."- by well, me. Can you quote yourself? I am such an idiot

I tremble at my poem being moved from this lovely forum. But if it is necesary, of course I will acquiesce. I do not want to disrupt the wonderful flow of all of your beautiful thoughts.

           Mike

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
6 posted 2003-04-21 06:12 PM


Mike, it's still within Passions, and only the moderators can decide to move it. For myself? I'm fine with it here, but I've seen similar writes moved to a different forum before.
It is a deep, emotional write.

MikeFessel
Member
since 2003-04-19
Posts 321
Brooklyn, NYC, USA
7 posted 2003-04-21 06:19 PM


Margherita: Oh do you really think so? I was sure this would have been the end of the positive critiques for sure when I posted this. I never expected understanding at all with this. Thank you so much! *Hug*

"You see, poetry IS a gift in your life."- Oh stop, no no no!

Actually, my recent strength is due to one incredible angel that has entered my life, and now I have a host of Seraphim on this site who seem intent on bringing joy to my soul, despite my every attempt to resist

          Thank you Seraphim!
             Mike

MikeFessel
Member
since 2003-04-19
Posts 321
Brooklyn, NYC, USA
8 posted 2003-04-21 06:28 PM


Midnightsun: Sigh...oh thank goodness. I was so scared. I hope they don't move it but...

Oh thank you for your kind words! Again I see a hundred flaws screaming out to me when I read it, all of which I can't fix though I tried, but at least it reflects my true emotions.

Thank you for taking such pains with your replies

    Mike [Two replies means I can use twice as many smilies for you. Yay! ]

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
9 posted 2003-04-21 06:50 PM



"Blue Angel" by Christine Beck

...do not resist!

Love, Margherita

MikeFessel
Member
since 2003-04-19
Posts 321
Brooklyn, NYC, USA
10 posted 2003-04-21 06:58 PM


Dearest Margherita. Thank you so much! If it were possible to reach out across the internet and hug you right now, be assured I would be doing so!

You have brought joy to my whole being with one flap of your angel wings, and I don't mean the ones in the beautiful picture!

        
           Love Mike


vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
11 posted 2003-04-21 07:06 PM


welcome to passions
MikeFessel
Member
since 2003-04-19
Posts 321
Brooklyn, NYC, USA
12 posted 2003-04-21 07:14 PM


Vandana: Thank you so much for the welcome! And thank you even more for the smile.

     Here are a few in return:

                 
                                   


They are all racing to reach you first!!!
Forgive the lagger, he is slow, but he is trying to reach you hardest of all!!!

          Mike [Big smile]

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