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Adonis Cross
Junior Member

since 2003-04-07

Posts 46
Miami, FL, USA

0 posted 2003-04-15 10:07 AM

I wonder if this ill befell
Another who has come before
And climbed the stairs to ring her bell
Or coyly knock upon her door;
I wonder if his heartbeat quit,
Or if he also felt the stir
That rises in the stomach's pit
When waiting at the door for her;
I wonder if this ill, at length,
Assailed his senses just the same--
Or, having better brains and strength,
He turned and fled the way he came...

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

1 posted 2003-04-15 10:28 AM

Very nice -- I'm going to look forward to more of your work.

Been that guy....just know I stood right there....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

KristieSue

Senior Member

since 2003-01-31

Posts 1460
PA, US

2 posted 2003-04-15 12:46 PM

LOL! good job...

Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2003-04-15 03:57 PM

This flows so wells and reads so neatly that it is deceptively simle--I do however realize how much thought goes into something to make it seem simple. That is an art in itself.

The syllable count is perfection, and just two lines short of a perfect sonnet--I truly admire the construct of this. I WILL be reading more of you.

Ivy Rose
Senior Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 1300
MA, USA

4 posted 2003-04-15 05:31 PM

Adonis...I, too, find this poem has a nice flow to it and beautiful rhythm. Enjoyed greatly. ***Ivy Rose

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2003-04-15 07:02 PM

Enjoyed...James

Startime55
Member Elite

since 2003-04-05

Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada

6 posted 2003-04-15 07:13 PM

LOL...mmmmmm I too have felt this way...Very well done. You really have a way with words.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

7 posted 2003-04-15 09:05 PM

Adonis:

I loved this

I wonder if his heartbeat quit,
Or if he also felt the stir
That rises in the stomach's pit

a bittersweet feeling . . . xxoo

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

8 posted 2003-04-15 09:11 PM

Adonis, this is wonderful; very much power of emotion and intrigue in it. Inpired many images and feelings. Thanks.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

9 posted 2003-04-16 07:14 AM

Adonis, I love the flow of this. It has
perfect rhythm and rhyme.
Very good work. I really enjoyed reading it.

I hope you enjoy it here on our pages of blue.
I know I will enjoy reading your work.

Hugs,
Ethel

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

10 posted 2003-05-14 04:27 PM

How could I have missed this!?

enjoyed..I know one worders (even if thats a word) is such a drag but I freely admit I suck at the comment thing!

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

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