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kaile
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since 2000-02-06
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singapore

0 posted 2003-04-05 10:36 PM


My dynamic selves
force mismatch of life's pieces
ditching me in mess
I must draw the best fit line
to confidently move on


© Copyright 2003 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved
BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
1 posted 2003-04-05 10:57 PM


I must draw the best fit line!!

How concise,  I'm going to remember that!

Good move, nice tanka~

*applause*

ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state
2 posted 2003-04-05 11:03 PM


This is a nice tanka, however I would have preferred to see an 'a' before mess like in a mess and before mismatch. This is the reason why I don't do many tankas myself, because I teach the English
langauge and squeezing articles out of a line so it
fits the prescribed format is not where I am right now. This is just my opinion..I think it deserves a click  



[This message has been edited by ecrivan (04-05-2003 11:10 PM).]

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

3 posted 2003-04-06 12:53 PM


Cool write, dark, write.  Hope it gets in!

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Joyce Johnson
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Washington State
4 posted 2003-04-06 12:53 PM


OK.  Joyce
Charisma
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lost in blue pages
5 posted 2003-04-06 01:56 AM


nice tanka

Charisma

Brad Majors
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Georgia
6 posted 2003-04-06 04:12 AM


Nice
Midnitesun
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Gaia
7 posted 2003-04-06 09:05 AM


Or perhaps allow yourself to draw
far outside those lines? You seem to be doing fine, my human friend.

Rick
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903
Victoria, Australia
8 posted 2003-04-06 09:21 AM


kaile, I have read your piece here with interest but find it difficult to understand, there seems to be words missing that would make it better, thanks for sharing, I have just written a little one myself on what I believe yours to mean, I hope you don't mind.

Sincerely
Rick
The people I am
Create problems in living
Producing a mess
I must find an easy path
Then with confidence move on


Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
9 posted 2003-04-06 09:23 AM


I believe that I understand where you are coming from with this write, my multi-faceted poetic friend!  

Love & Light,
Linda

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
10 posted 2003-04-06 09:31 AM


Very well done Kaile!
~Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
11 posted 2003-04-06 12:08 PM


Wise words, Kaile...
Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
12 posted 2003-04-06 12:32 PM


"force mismatch of life's pieces"

What a kewl line!
And well done on the whole.

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

kaile
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singapore
13 posted 2003-04-09 10:48 PM


thank you everyone for your fine comments, especially Martin and Rick who took the time to critique

Martin, guilty as charged! yup, i'm one of those who drop articles to fit into the syllable count...thanks for the reminder..i'll try to strike a balance between syllable count and sentence continuity when I write my tankas in the future...

Rick, of course i don't mind...it's cool to read someone else's interpretation of your work...hmmm, what i meant by "best fit line" is choosing the most suitable path...perhaps i should change this line to make its meaning clearer but "the best fit line" is the basis on which this tanka is built upon. and plus, i'm quite partial to it myself.. thanks for reading and i hope my explanation makes things a bit clearer

Mistletoe Angel
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14 posted 2003-04-10 08:09 PM




(sigh) Oh Heng, this is a wonderful attitude to have, sweet friend. keep believing in existance and piece together one by one! (big hugggsssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kaile, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
15 posted 2003-04-10 09:36 PM




I enjoy your writing a lot Kaile and this is no exception.

Have voted yes!

Hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

garysgirl
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since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
16 posted 2003-04-10 09:42 PM


Kaile, you know that I love all these different forms of poetry. This is one I don't know the basics of. I'll have to look for the rules and try it.
I'm voting, of course...

Hugs,
Ethel

Sunkissed
Senior Member
since 2002-12-03
Posts 610

17 posted 2003-04-10 10:16 PM


Cleverly written, Kaile.

Enjoyed!

Sunkissed.

SPIRIT
Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745
California Desert
18 posted 2003-04-11 01:38 AM


Interesting and vote worthy.
waldopepper
Member
since 2003-03-18
Posts 157
Tennessee, USA
19 posted 2003-04-11 01:42 AM


And if you do fall down, then you certainly pick yourself up quite well my friend.  Our many "selves" can make things complicated sometimes, but also very interesting.  Very nice kaile.
mysticpoe
Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883

20 posted 2003-04-11 01:16 PM


Nice Kaile, you say a lot with just a few words. Good luck!!

mysticpoe

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
21 posted 2003-04-13 12:15 PM


Life is full of paths we must choose and in the end, we must choose the ones that we can live in while walking them.  Adjustments are just a part of all that.  Wonderful words and wise ones to consider. I hope I read it correctly and at least you have given us something to dwell on.  I have never attempted a Tanka as I am sort of long winded lol but admire those that can.  
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
22 posted 2003-04-14 02:48 AM


I enjoyed the read...
Sven
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since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
23 posted 2003-04-16 10:02 PM


well done. . . you have learned to say a lot in a few words my friend. . .

gets my vote. . .

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Rick
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903
Victoria, Australia
24 posted 2003-04-17 08:36 AM


kaile, nice to get a reply on my reply, I do understand now your meaning and know what you mean by liking the line, I so often have people question, it is all in the building of better, I will be back and read more.

Sincerely
Rick

Rick
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903
Victoria, Australia
25 posted 2003-04-17 08:37 AM


kaile, nice to get a reply on my reply, I do understand now your meaning and know what you mean by liking the line, I so often have people question, it is all in the building of better, I will be back and read more.

Sincerely
Rick

Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
26 posted 2003-04-19 12:52 PM



I like this very much. Capitally done.

Mysteria
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British Columbia, Canada
27 posted 2003-04-19 01:26 AM


A great tanka to ponder and why words indeed.  There are so many lines to follow, that is the journey.  Enjoyed this very much.

     

Larry C
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Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
28 posted 2003-04-20 11:30 AM


BUMP & VOTE
QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
29 posted 2003-04-21 02:36 PM


"to confidently move on"

i liked this line it gives a positive



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