Four Attempts To Tickle And Entertain.

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pjtalty
Member

since 2002-07-17

Posts 111
W.A., Australia

0 posted 2003-04-01 09:56 AM

*Authors hear at length one general cry,
Tickle and entertain us, or we die!*
William Cowper, 'Retirement'

(1) The Impotent Bull

You ask me how I'm gettin' on;
Well, last week good luck went:
I found out that my prize stud bull
Was bloody im-PO-tent!

I took him to the local vet
Who gave a diagnosis;
The label on the bottle read
"Three hourly daily doses."

A coupla anxious weeks dragged by,
("Is the treatment gonna flop?")
But then, thank God, the bull improved
And soon was back on top.

The cows they came in droves, they did,
And the place was full of action
And each on leaving wore a look
Of smiling satisfaction.

Don't ask me what was in the stuff,
'cause I wouldn't have a clue,
But it tasted just like orange juice
And a real delicious brew!
----------

(2) A Sparkie’s Night Out

A vivacious electrician called Speight
Went boozing one night with a mate;
When much later he stumbled
Into bed, his wife mumbled,
"Darling, wire you insulate?"
----------

(3) The Chatup Blues

The scene is a Munich beer hall:
A Texan is downing a beer;
A fraulein whose garments bare all
Asks “Is okay if I sit here?”

The Texan looks her over:
She’s cute and sexy and tall,
With skin like the White Cliffs of Dover
And a face to excite and enthrall.

He plucks up the courage to chat her,
“Do you speak English, honey chile?”
She waits, considers the matter,
“A little”, she answers with guile.

“A little?” -his voice on the rise,
“How much?” -tone as thick as fog;
“Fifty dollars”, she straightway replies.
He hastily pays for his grog.
----------

(4) Mrs Flannigan’s Oversight

Mrs Flannigan, extremely short sighted,
had a visitor call one day;
sat him down, made some tea, then alighted
for a cup and a yarn, ‘twas her way.

Time came when the guest had to go;
he said “Thank you for all your bother;
Mrs Flannigan blushed, said, “Oh no!
It weren’t any bother, dear Father!”

When he’d gone, the good lady’s sonny
approached his dear mum, brow creased,
said, “Mother, you really are funny:
that was doctor who came here, not priest!

Mrs F turned the colour of port,
gave a look that could chasten or chill ya
said, “Good grief! For a moment I THOUGHT
Father O'Flynn got a little familiar!!”

© Patrick Talty, 2003, All Rights Reserved.

Patrick Talty

Magicmystery
Senior Member

since 2002-02-13

Posts 821
Windsor, Ontario, Canada

1 posted 2003-04-01 12:10 PM

OMG!!! I'm still Rollin of the floor... Here I am at work trying to stifle the multiple laughs and snickers from reading this thru.... a real treat!!!! Brought a smile to this ugly day.... Snowing here in Toronto..... I am gonna cast my vote for these cause I really think they all deserve to be in the book but I really think that you would have a much better chance if you separated them...Unfortunately.... because the length is gonna make this write mighty challenging to be accepted.... The best of luck to ya.... These really need to be included as a set, I know.

Sherry
PS... into my library it goes so I can see it again....( still roaring )

Cherish the good memories of the past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. But above all... be kind to yourself today.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

2 posted 2003-04-01 01:03 PM

ROFL...but, by posting these all together, you certainly are limiting your chance to be in the book, they need to be submitted seperately so as to shorten the overall length...gets my vote regardless

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

3 posted 2003-04-01 03:35 PM

I love these! I'm grinning all over my face, can you see?

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

4 posted 2003-04-01 09:25 PM

I love them all and we need some levity. Joyce

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

5 posted 2003-04-01 09:35 PM

These are great chuckle grabbers!

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2003-04-01 09:37 PM

As soon as I stop laughing I'll vote!
~Hugs~

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

7 posted 2003-04-01 11:56 PM

(giggles in delight) Oh my gosh, these are so hilarious and amusing, sweet friend, time to call off the running of the bulls! (big hugggssssss) I too strongly suggest you consider choosing your favorite of these and make it an individual submission as submission length hugely reflects the likelihood of a poem getting in the book and your chances will be much higher individualizing them, yay, these are all delightful, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Patrick, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

8 posted 2003-04-02 02:54 PM

ROFL... I love them, one and all! *G*

Street Heart
Member

since 2002-09-05

Posts 349
Pennsylvania,USA

9 posted 2003-04-02 04:18 PM

Clever you are,mate! You definitely tickled me! The first 2 are my favs.You got me vote for these...while I'm still laughing!

Peace On Earth,Street Heart

If a man has not discovered something he is willing to die for,his life is not worth living.

Martin Luther King,Jr. Detroit,1963

pjtalty
Member

since 2002-07-17

Posts 111
W.A., Australia

10 posted 2003-04-02 10:30 PM

Thanks to all you lovely poets who enjoyed my shot at writing humourous verse.

I appreciate the suggestions as to length and its potentioal to minimise its chance of publication.

However, I would like to leave the 4 pieces as a set and will simply murmur "c'est la vie!" should that be the only reason for its inability to make it to the anthology.

Big Aussie hugs to all!
Patrick

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite

since 2000-01-30

Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London

11 posted 2003-04-03 08:57 AM

There's a tickle in my soul, for humorous poetry ... used to write it a lot, myself

voting

Tammy Blessing
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 366
PA

12 posted 2003-04-03 09:15 AM

Tickle and entertain you did!! These are just hysterical! Good luck to you on getting them in the book. I cast my vote!
Tammy

Bohemianaus
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 69
Australia (South Gippsland)

13 posted 2003-04-03 01:58 PM

Rofl - put 'em all in.

God bless and keep you, Namaste!
Boh

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

14 posted 2003-04-04 08:55 PM

lorenlynn
Member

since 2003-01-27

Posts 203
California Beaches

15 posted 2003-04-04 09:41 PM

I'm twirling and whirling and giggling.

Thanks for the happies.

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

16 posted 2003-04-04 11:39 PM

Ditto to all of the above - delightful.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

17 posted 2003-04-08 10:50 PM

Love the humor and your attitude, and I agree, getting them to the reader is more important than breaking them up. Your sense of humor is wonderful!

However, I must agree with Ruth and say that by putting so poem also in at one time, (not just this submission but all), unless you read others work like mad to bring up the "indirect votes", the chances of getting even one in the book are slim indeed. I have however, enjoyed being introduced to your wit and writing and will look for it long after this exercise is over and hope you stick around.

Don't be too hard on yourself - even Einstein had trouble tying his shoelaces.

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

18 posted 2003-04-09 09:43 AM

Just a little bumpbitty bump

This needs to be on the top

Nice way to start a day

with a good laugh

and a bit of a giggle.

illusion
Member

since 2001-06-19

Posts 296

19 posted 2003-04-09 01:18 PM

I like these. Thanks for the smiles!

Flower
Member

since 2003-03-15

Posts 240
California

20 posted 2003-04-10 01:30 PM

Brilliant and loads of fun.

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

21 posted 2003-04-10 02:28 PM

And my vote also, very funny!
Jason

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

22 posted 2003-04-10 10:25 PM

Just what I needed, a bit of comedic relief! Thank you Patrick!

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

23 posted 2003-04-11 11:03 AM

if I can see through these tears I will vote...

Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
Nil Desperandum, Fata viem invenient

carol
Senior Member

since 2003-01-25

Posts 624
Florida USA

24 posted 2003-04-17 09:40 PM

Very good writing

Real friends celebrate in who we are and have faith in all that we can become
Lots of Love
Rita

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

25 posted 2003-04-25 05:24 AM

Rick
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 2903
Victoria, Australia

26 posted 2003-04-25 08:50 AM

pjtalty, these are all excellent, had me laughing and am still wearing a grin, job well done and worth a vote.

Sincerely
Rick

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

27 posted 2003-04-25 05:56 PM

Oh I do wish you would split this up into two or at least remove one and post separately - then it would make it into the book for sure! Enjoyed this so much. You are certainly an incredibly welcome new addition to the Passions family of friends.

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