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Local Parasite
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since 2001-11-05
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Transylconia, Winnipeg

0 posted 2003-03-23 05:30 PM


I sat upon a bay of open sky
Amidst the twirling gloom of upper sight
The swallow of a grim, disrupting light
Did beg my vision then--a tiny star
Suspended at my level, as though far
It stood--but closer, reach'd against mine eye.

I know not what I saw within the mist
A patch of tiny, torture-living souls?
A sheet of yellow, question'd full with holes
Where dwelt a rest of ages?  Now I see
More truly, what was glancing back at me--
A soothing offer, and a quaking fist.

I call'd at them, and there was no reply
So silently they flicker'd and display'd
A song of joy, ironically dismay'd
So there I call'd again, not with a voice
But with a finger lifted, to rejoice
And join them in their anthem of the sky.

If thou hast seen a wetland in thy years
Thou knowest well, the colours underlying
The soothing waves of lilies, ever crying
Beneath their stems, where death and rotting loam
Fills life, and binds it thus: Thou may'st not roam
From here, this pit of sickly overseers.


And I believed it too--that in these reeds
Dwelt prisoners of sickness and disease
Who ne'er could know the wisdom of the seas
Or walk against their beaches; rivers flowing
Fore'er escape the bound'ries of their knowing:
Their fates are written coldly in their seeds.

I saw them each as spots, who in their birth
Flew brilliantly to sky, and spun a thread
Of ignorance and beauty o'er my head
Who mingled through, and tickled at the water
And fell in love, and fell into the slaughter
Brought on by that same prophecy of Earth.

The hist'ry of the world in single file
Is shown to them remotely, halfly giving
A meaning to their week or day of living
And each is, thus, a being on its own
A week to learn of love, or die alone
And rot within this bog of pregnant bile.

So there I stood in sympathy and knowing,
With not a thought, save for a thought of time;
That life could be abundant and sublime
And chords of empty nights in empty swamps
Would still be dark, if not for mortal lamps--
O firefly, how brightly art thou glowing.


[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (03-23-2003 09:16 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Alicethruglass
Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 368

1 posted 2003-03-23 05:35 PM


Brian this is wonderful writing..I think  your best for me, since I love rhyme and rhythm patterns...

Maureen/Alice

Joyce Johnson
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since 2001-03-10
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Washington State
2 posted 2003-03-23 05:52 PM


I enjoyed this writing too Brian but it takes several readings.  Joyce
Mistletoe Angel
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Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
3 posted 2003-03-23 06:34 PM




(sigh) Sadly it seems the fireflies are all alone to cope with the darkness, if only the light can be more than just embers and we can convert the negative contrast to positive and the dark embers can dissolve in the light! (big hugggssssssss) This is powerful, sweet friend, I have missed your wonderful poetry and am blessed to see you post this as it can well relate to the current turmoils in our world, much enjoyed this, you have my vote! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Brian, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
4 posted 2003-03-23 07:09 PM


Parasite, this is filled with
awesome little gems --

"twirling gloom of upper sight" ...

"A sheet of yellow, question'd full with holes" ...

"So there I call'd again, not with a voice
But with a finger lifted, to rejoice" ...

"Their fates are written coldly in their seeds." ...

"remotely, halfly giving" ...


Heck, I should have bold-typed
the whole poem!
It is quite moving.
Write on!




When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

[This message has been edited by Chanson (03-23-2003 07:10 PM).]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2003-03-23 07:25 PM


Too many wonderful phrases, lines and stanzas
to try to choose my favourite...
Fantastic write and much enjoyed!
~Smiles, Hugs and a Vote~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Greeneyes
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In Your Poetic Mind
6 posted 2003-03-23 07:36 PM


wow this is amazing.....you know you read some poems that just leave you in awe....thats what this did to me...I have no words to say, that could come even close to the justice this needs and deserves!
Lauren~

I close my eyes and there in the shadows I see your light
You come to me out of my dreams
Across the night

Allysa
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Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
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In an upside-down garden
7 posted 2003-03-23 07:36 PM


Hey parasite... long time no talk...

anyway.... yeah, you're making the rest of us look bad with your awesome, kick butt poetry...lol

obviously, this gets my vote.

"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

Skyfire
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since 2000-12-27
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Riding
8 posted 2003-03-24 07:09 AM


Alright, how could I not vote for this? *hugs* Beautifully done Brian, beautifully done

If I love you enough will you feel it over the distance?

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
9 posted 2003-03-24 10:15 AM


Wonderful
Charisma
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since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906
lost in blue pages
10 posted 2003-03-24 01:58 PM


Beautiful penned

Charisma

Flower
Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 240
California
11 posted 2003-03-24 02:07 PM


I'm dumbstruck and that doesn't happen but rarely. Had to read it several times - very interesting and enormously good.  My vote is posted.

Love reading all these great writes.
I write not!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
12 posted 2003-03-24 02:09 PM


Beautiful.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
13 posted 2003-03-24 02:30 PM



Click click click...
do wish I could vote for a few
more often...because I really REALLY
want them in the book...

Good job, young man!

        Karilea - If I whisper, will you listen?...

Cpat Hair
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since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

14 posted 2003-03-24 02:55 PM


you just make this all look so easy... and do it so well.. I know..if I live long enough I will be able to say..I remember him..and knew as well as read his stuff before he made a mark...

and at the same time..I know already..you make a mark today on those that read you..and perhaps that is as big a mark any of us can hope to make with writing...

goos stuff..LP.. and you got my vote.


Jason Lyle
Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438
With my darkling
15 posted 2003-03-24 03:25 PM


Yes, as already said, you make this look easy.Awesome write, I read it 4 times, 2 for what it held, 2 for what I learned.Nice.
Jason

Martie
Moderator
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
16 posted 2003-03-24 03:32 PM


LP...this is magic and amazing!  
WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
17 posted 2003-03-24 06:26 PM


I sat upon a bay of open sky
Amidst the twirling gloom of upper sight
The swallow of a grim, disrupting light
Did beg my vision then--a tiny star
Suspended at my level, as though far
It stood--but closer, reach'd against mine eye.

My favorite little insect, the lovely firefly. How fondly I remember riding down the road in that big old truck with my husband, and watching the fireflies, on fire, twinkling here and there in the brush alongside the road. This is, as Martie said, magical.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

18 posted 2003-03-24 10:22 PM


I sat upon a bay of open sky
Amidst the twirling gloom of upper sight
The swallow of a grim, disrupting light
Did beg my vision then--a tiny star
Suspended at my level, as though far
It stood--but closer, reach'd against mine eye.
=========================
I call'd at them, and there was no reply
So silently they flicker'd and display'd
A song of joy, ironically dismay'd
So there I call'd again, not with a voice
But with a finger lifted, to rejoice
And join them in their anthem of the sky.

If thou hast seen a wetland in thy years
Thou knowest well, the colours underlying
The soothing waves of lilies, ever crying
Beneath their stems, where death and rotting loam
Fills life, and binds it thus: Thou may'st not roam
From here, this pit of sickly overseers.

===========================
I saw them each as spots, who in their birth
Flew brilliantly to sky, and spun a thread
Of ignorance and beauty o'er my head
Who mingled through, and tickled at the water
And fell in love, and fell into the slaughter
Brought on by that same prophecy of Earth.

The hist'ry of the world in single file
Is shown to them remotely, halfly giving
A meaning to their week or day of living
And each is, thus, a being on its own
A week to learn of love, or die alone
And rot within this bog of pregnant bile.

So there I stood in sympathy and knowing,
With not a thought, save for a thought of time;
That life could be abundant and sublime
And chords of empty nights in empty swamps
Would still be dark, if not for mortal lamps--
O firefly, how brightly art thou glowing.

==========================


Twas really hard to single out or omit any verses..each one stands on its own in brilliance of imagery and poetic employ of vocab and language...and of course rhyme scheme and cadence.
This is just so very impressive and down right cool!! I have come to know that their is no subject that you cant put your classic style on and do it poetic justice.
This has got to be in the book or I'm not buying it

and....did ya know Fireflies are a Moths favorite bug? ... well...with the exception of butterflies and Parasites.

"and when we get to the pearly gates ...
we'll find what we called our sins were just mistakes."

Tom Kimmel


bsquirrel
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since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

19 posted 2003-03-25 03:53 PM


Insights of temperance and temporality, and I don't know if either of those are spelled right. I love your craft, and the obvious pleasure you take in turning your insights into missives. I take pleasure in reading them.
bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

20 posted 2003-03-25 03:55 PM


Oh, and remembering how much you enjoyed Acoustic guitar, I just submitted it for the book, in full What the heck? mode.

Thanks for reading me!

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
21 posted 2003-03-26 12:31 PM


I've always loved fireflies... but I'll never again look at them in quite the same way. *S* Excellent write! *S*
garysgirl
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since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
22 posted 2003-03-27 01:42 AM


Brian, your poetry makes me speechless....if you knew me better you would know that very seldom happens. This is just awsome!!

BTW, from what I've read of your comments to others and your replies, you aren't very old. That is one of the other things that amazes me with your writing. It seems to have been written by someone way beyond your years. You are a very talented and gifted writer, Brian. Your style reminds me of the classic poets from years ago. The famous ones. I wouldn't be surprised if you were to become famous.

See, I told you that I don't get speechless very often.  LOL  I didn't intend to write all this. Because your poem is so great, I really didn't know what to say about it. So I just told you what I think of your writing as a whole. Hope that's okay.

Of course you have my vote!

Hugs,
Ethel

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (03-27-2003 01:44 AM).]

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
23 posted 2003-03-27 10:19 AM


exquisite poetry... so much enjoyed...

Thanks...

regards,
sudhir

christian
Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331

24 posted 2003-03-27 03:56 PM



dude--astounding. just remarkable.

click click click.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

25 posted 2003-03-28 11:13 PM


dont mind me...the moth is just back to bug ya   heh
Magicmystery
Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821
Windsor, Ontario, Canada
26 posted 2003-03-29 02:04 AM


Brian, You really have a knack for these, and the night, dark, dank, musty, contrasted with these "innocent" lights of mortality. How incredibly brilliant!!! you do have a flair for using such otherwise simple things to drive home a larger picture.  Again well done, I wish you the best for racking up enough votes for this one.  You have mine.

Blessings,

Sherry

Ps, my son loves your weaving of words too.

Cherish the good memories of the past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. But above all... be kind to yourself today.

Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
27 posted 2003-03-29 12:24 PM


This piece is beyond my ability to comment upon other than to say, "Incredible!"  A vote is small payment for the time and effort required to write such excellent poetry.  Thank you for sharing.  I bow to you and yours with vote in hand.
Child of the Stars
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since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
28 posted 2003-03-29 03:58 PM


I don't think it's necessary to repeat everything I've already said about this, but in case I've missed something, here's an overview:

*bows to you*

Thanks for the insight, Brian. I really do have a lot to learn from you.
  ~Carly



empty arms
and half a soul to go
                     -el sol
                        --Zwan

[This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (03-29-2003 03:59 PM).]

LoveBug
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since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

29 posted 2003-03-30 11:29 AM


"So there I stood in sympathy and knowing,
With not a thought, save for a thought of time;
That life could be abundant and sublime
And chords of empty nights in empty swamps
Would still be dark, if not for mortal lamps--
O firefly, how brightly art thou glowing."

Here's for #2 in the book for our Brian.. I loved this a lot.. the imagery and the message of this poem were striking. You're similar in some ways to the subject of my giant research paper, good Robert Frost!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
30 posted 2003-04-02 09:38 PM


you need to tell me just how you can get your rhyme and meter to work out so well. . .

this is a finely crafted, uniquely your own voice poem. . . and it would be an honor to be included alongside such superb work. . .

--------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
31 posted 2003-04-03 12:33 PM


I'm in awe, this is an amazing poem. When I first read it I was trying to figure it out until I got to the last line which just brought it all to light. I read it again so I could really savor the brilliance of it all.

Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent.



Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

32 posted 2003-04-03 07:19 PM


I said I wont buy a book unless this is in it!!
So I guess I'll have to moth bug ya some more

"and when we get to the pearly gates ...
we'll find what we called our sins were just mistakes."

Tom Kimmel


Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
33 posted 2003-04-05 06:28 PM


I see I have a lot of catching up to do, missed this one in the process.

Getting my vote for sure.

Titia

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

34 posted 2003-04-06 12:59 PM


Cool poem that paints many a reflective and mystical image.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Balladeer
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since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
35 posted 2003-04-06 09:39 PM


* enthusiastic vote *
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
36 posted 2003-04-07 04:54 AM


Brian - this is brilliant - you have taken a simple observation and pondered our entire existence - amazing!  xxoo
Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
37 posted 2003-04-07 08:30 PM


Brian,

this was one of those poems that just
left me with my mouth wide open. excellent
writing penned with some of the most
awesome imagery! this was such a refreshing
piece and exactly what the book needs!
you got my vote.
take care
amy

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

38 posted 2003-04-12 02:22 PM


Brian, this is one of the most beautifully and well done pieces of writing that I have ever seen! Wow! Excellently done!
SPIRIT
Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745
California Desert
39 posted 2003-04-12 10:09 PM


Brilliant! An honor to vote for this great write.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
40 posted 2003-04-14 02:50 AM


wonderful job!
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
41 posted 2003-04-15 08:01 PM


bump!  
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

42 posted 2003-04-15 08:24 PM


popping in quickly to vote--I thought I may have already, (I was doing some silent voting for awhile) but since I'm not sure, I figured I'd just vote again, and? heh heh, let Ron sort it out later?

I said it before and I say it again, I have never read a bad poem by you, m'friend.

so...click.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
43 posted 2003-04-15 09:20 PM


You are from a different age, Brian. Not only do you come up with unique ways to express yourself, you pay a lot  of attention to the mechanics of the poem, which, for me, is the difference between a good and great writer. This a-b-b-c-c-a worked out very well...I'll have to try that one!
wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
44 posted 2003-04-15 09:42 PM


Form and structures escape me. What does not, is the skillful way you weild your pen.

Like Cpat, I would like to see what you are writing in just ten years hence.

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
45 posted 2003-04-15 11:18 PM


PIP's answer to Bobby Fischer turns out another absolute gem....

Bookworthy.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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