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Allysa
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Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2003-03-18 10:38 AM


She crosses her legs
watching as the others look at her
and the girl on the couch
grabs the remote to kill the reggae music

Another day in the basement
she's as close to the ground as she can get
as close to dying as she can get
without feeling some side effects.

She wants to hug the christmas tree
something in her mind told her
that the happiness was at the top
with the angel,
and if she could only climb up
she could grasp it in her fragile hands
and hold it for all its worth.

Unadequate and unsupervised
she lives a life alone
trapped inside her head

She won't answer the door anymore
cooks grilled cheese in the dark
and watches her hands shake as she
flips the bread, waiting for it to turn
golden brown and crisp
like her life used to be.

She's shivering and rubbing her knees
metallic skin won't warm quickly
it takes a little while sometimes.
Too bad she can't warm up her heart.

He shows up at the door
as she takes a bite of the gooey
golden brown sanctuary
and she doesn't want to answer
but she knows she has to.

She cannot cocoon herself
in rainbow colored skittles
so instead she swallows them up
handful by handful.
An antidote for the pain
in this candy coated world
she wearing suspenders
to hold her insides together
when they start to leak out.

The magic 8-ball said
that it would all end tomorrow
and now she won't let him leave.
'No I won't go to the airport with you.'
She can't bear to tell him
that she won't ever let him go.
so she asks again
and shakes her future
waiting for a different answer
to the same old question
she always asks herself.

'do you really love me?'

How is she supposed to know
she can't even tie her own shoelaces
how could she be capable of deciphering
his incoherent words mumbled
late at night
when shes attacking everything he says
with everything she's got.  

It would be easier
to be punch drunk, bleary eyed
and at least a little numb
she needs some anesthesia
before the sadness sets in
she can't love him
or atleast she won't try.
It's for the better.

She crosses her legs again
the music changes again
she stops her heart again
if she lets it go for too long
she might just have to love him.

© Copyright 2003 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
1 posted 2003-03-18 10:52 AM




(big hugggsssssssss) I am so glad you got this back up here, dearest friend, that 8-ball certainly cannot tell anyones future, and as any pragmatist would say, why not try and go for it because only then will you have the opportunity AND know the truth? (sad sigh) Love can be a hard thing but never something that should be taken for granted, this is excellent, you have my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Alyssa, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
2 posted 2003-03-18 11:37 AM


Gets my vote!

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Joyce Johnson
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Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
3 posted 2003-03-18 08:12 PM


A heartbreaking story.  Joyce
Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
4 posted 2003-03-18 09:36 PM


well done. . . one wants to take their place in the darkness with her. . . just to know her story. . .

excellent work. . .

---------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
5 posted 2003-03-18 09:48 PM


Yes, truly a heartbreaking story, and an excellent write.
Jason Lyle
Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438
With my darkling
6 posted 2003-03-18 10:36 PM


Happy to vote agian.
Jason

noah j
Member
since 2003-03-05
Posts 82
on the open road with the wind blowing in my hair
7 posted 2003-03-18 11:29 PM


wow. i connect to this very much. sometimes it is just to scary to love. great job rendering that sort of loneliness that this creates in words.

noah

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
8 posted 2003-03-18 11:46 PM


Allysa,
glad you reposted this so that i can vote...i think the imagery here is awesome...

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
9 posted 2003-03-19 12:10 PM


Good God Alyssa - Oh My - you have no idea how much I relate to this - gave me the chills it did - like I wrote it myself - goodness - is amazing . . .   *wink* know that all too well   - good luck with the book xxoo
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
10 posted 2003-03-19 05:06 AM



Yep...I still like this one a bunch.

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

11 posted 2003-03-19 03:39 PM


Revote.
aliisabeatle
New Member
since 2003-03-19
Posts 4

12 posted 2003-03-19 05:18 PM


this is the third of yours that I've ever read, and I really hope that it makes it into the book...

~Ali  

AnonomousHippie
Junior Member
since 2003-02-21
Posts 10

13 posted 2003-03-19 05:31 PM


revote
garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
14 posted 2003-03-19 09:19 PM


Allysa, revote, too...

"Love makes the world go around"
~with love and hugs from Ethel__GG~  
                  

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
15 posted 2003-03-19 10:07 PM


This was even more heartbreaking the second read, and the line about burying herself in rainbow colored skittles, I liked!

  
Sharon

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
16 posted 2003-03-21 11:32 AM


Wow! Amazing poem you've penned here, makes one feel the emotions going on very clearly.

Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent.



ZeraStarloft
Junior Member
since 2003-01-07
Posts 11
in a marigold
17 posted 2003-03-23 02:46 PM


you never cease to amaze me, dear.
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
18 posted 2003-03-23 05:17 PM


Allysa, you know I love this poem... it's pretty long, I don't know if you'll be able to muster enough votes to get it into the book, but I certainly hope that you will.

It's great to read this a second time.  I've read it before and loved it, and that sentiment is no less true now.  

Parasite

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (03-23-2003 05:17 PM).]

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
19 posted 2003-03-24 10:24 AM


Parasite, you know your comments mean a lot to me, thank you.

I also hope that enough people will vote to put this in the book.

also, a note from the author: I can/would like to edit this, maybe cut this down a bit.... however, I attempted to do that and since it's been up for more than 24hrs, I can't.  But, I am willing to.


"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

[This message has been edited by Allysa (03-24-2003 10:38 AM).]

Flower
Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 240
California
20 posted 2003-03-24 10:38 AM


Gets my vote.

Love reading all these great writes.
I write not!

Justbleu
Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)
21 posted 2003-04-04 12:02 PM


Bump....

"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again.  To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown


Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
22 posted 2003-04-04 08:40 AM


Glad to see that you are racking up the votes for this wonderful write! This poem is a real, raw write! You really brought this reader into your space with this intimate expose.

Love & Light,
Linda

Justbleu
Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)
23 posted 2003-04-07 10:19 AM


Bump....

"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again.  To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown


Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
24 posted 2003-04-07 11:09 AM


Allysa - held me right to the end of this write, my vote...

BC

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
25 posted 2003-04-16 03:11 PM


I always go for chocolate instead of skittles *sigh* but boy do I understand.
Couldn't stop from loving this one...

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
26 posted 2003-04-23 02:09 PM


how'd I miss this one? well I got it now!
QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
27 posted 2003-04-24 02:27 AM


a absolute vote
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