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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2003-02-19 05:47 PM

I push out my boat
in silent gloaming,
into the clear,
dark, starry water.

Cresting the sky,
the white-caps roll on
and break their eggteeth
against my light craft.

She told me with kisses
that we would go under.
Under Orion,
his belt of beads tangled.

I push myself through
the mouth of the ebb.
The city behind
builds lights on the shore.

Blue-green bright beacons
emerge further on
like silent moons clinging
to silent rooms.

With all I have left
I pray for resolve,
submerged to the elbow
in this changed surface.

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

1 posted 2003-02-19 06:07 PM

Intriguing. I like it a lot.
Sandra

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2003-02-19 06:30 PM

(smiles) Oh Michael, I just love this a lot, sweet friend, I love the colors and lights you illustrate across the waters and cape in this gorgeous write, the visions you make are stunning! (sigh) This has my vote, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Michael, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

3 posted 2003-02-19 06:31 PM

"Orion" caught my attention (as well as your name!) Enjoyed the atmosphere of this gentle write.

Warm hugs,
EA

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

4 posted 2003-02-19 06:33 PM

you know you are one of my favorites bud...
glad to see you submitting some things here for consideration..

enjoyed...

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite

since 2000-01-10

Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA

5 posted 2003-02-19 07:21 PM

Enchanting poetry...so beautifully written! Ellie

A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2003-02-19 08:13 PM

"and break their eggteeth
against my light craft."

shaking my head, how do you do this?

only YOU, Mikie...only you.

*click*

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

7 posted 2003-02-19 08:20 PM

Michael, I like the way you painted this colorful picture with words. I could almost see a picture. Really...

"Love makes the world go around"
~with love and hugs from Ethel GG~

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

8 posted 2003-02-19 08:43 PM

I'm with Karen....that was the phrase that made me smile in appreciation.....very well done, Mikey

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

9 posted 2003-02-19 09:39 PM

reminded me a little of....cause I guess its in my head right now....of Skating Away on the Thin Ice of a New Day..tull

this has lights abounding...glows

good one eggman

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

10 posted 2003-02-19 09:59 PM

Just "click", everyone else said it all...

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

11 posted 2003-02-19 10:04 PM

Ditto this was a super dooper submission!

~* Carpe' Diem *~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

12 posted 2003-02-19 10:29 PM

Excellent choice Mikey!!

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

13 posted 2003-02-19 11:13 PM

Ocean-tumbled salt sprayed perfect!

You (annoy) me off sometimes, with your wordcrafting skill.

But? I like that kind of aggravation...

Ed

[This message has been edited by wranx (02-19-2003 11:14 PM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

14 posted 2003-02-19 11:59 PM

Cresting the sky,
the white-caps roll on
and break their eggteeth
against my light craft.

She told me with kisses
that we would go under.
Under Orion,
his belt of beads tangled.

I push myself through
the mouth of the ebb.
The city behind
builds lights on the shore.

Blue-green bright beacons
emerge further on
like silent moons clinging
to silent rooms.
=============================

Mikey you paint star lit portraits with your words...this is a surreal beauty...
love the personification...

"eggteeth" how cool is that

" ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ...
if it finds you worthy ... it then directs your course."

K.Gibran

Anvrill
Senior Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 710
in the interzone now

15 posted 2003-02-20 01:58 AM

Baby o' mine, I love this, and will always think of that night. Always.

remember the sound
that could wake the dead
but nobody woke up at all

rs

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

16 posted 2003-02-20 03:02 AM

Once again, you have written a poem that is both beautiful and elegantly short. I loved the imagery in this one.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

17 posted 2003-02-20 03:12 AM

Cresting the sky,
the white-caps roll on
and break their eggteeth
against my light craft.

I love it!

voting!

Maree

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

18 posted 2003-02-20 05:20 AM

I love this poem,and orion is my favorite.So in my face all winter.
Nice write.
Jason

Moonlight Romeo

Senior Member

since 2001-09-10

Posts 982
The heart of you

19 posted 2003-02-20 10:08 AM

Well done, a very powerful and intimate portrait.

Thank you.

What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

20 posted 2003-02-20 11:18 AM

Hey, Squirrel, yer teasing me here. There seems so much that this poem promises will come. The start of a journey is always like that. That's what I got from this poem, an expectation, and a wistfullness to travel outward. Great work.

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

21 posted 2003-02-20 11:51 AM

enjoyed

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

22 posted 2003-02-20 01:46 PM

Thanks, everyone. This is, indeed, based on a true story -- one that is still writing itself.

Love you, Lori-Anne.

Anvrill
Senior Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 710
in the interzone now

23 posted 2003-02-20 10:09 PM

Fine, go ahead, go on using my *full* name, see if I care. Michael Paul. Ha. Love you, infuriariting git.

remember the sound
that could wake the dead
but nobody woke up at all

rs

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

24 posted 2003-02-21 04:45 AM

Enjoyed it very much

Charisma

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

25 posted 2003-02-21 08:17 AM

My vote is in for surw, for sure.

I be me BUT who does me be?

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

26 posted 2003-02-21 08:21 AM

This IS fantastic writing, my friend...

regards,
sudhir

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

27 posted 2003-02-21 09:13 AM

Well this is just great! *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

28 posted 2003-02-21 01:56 PM

Mike...you write magic!

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

29 posted 2003-02-22 11:42 PM

Mike...Has anyone mentioned that this is amazing?

kayjay
Member Elite

since 2002-06-24

Posts 2015
Oregon

30 posted 2003-02-23 12:57 PM

She told me with kisses
that we would go under.

Some unusual conflict here. The following "Under Orion" suggests a journey, but "that we would go under" suggests a broken love affair. You provide so much to think about. Thank you. KJ

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

kayjay
Member Elite

since 2002-06-24

Posts 2015
Oregon

31 posted 2003-02-23 03:16 PM

I find this a complex love story. She offers kisses, but "we would go under" presages a lost romance. Great storytelling. Ken J

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

32 posted 2003-02-23 03:54 PM

LOL at the banter between Michael Paul and Lori Anne. Under Orion...so different than one I did last year, Orion's Belt.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

33 posted 2003-02-24 11:40 AM

Thanks, all, for reading.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

34 posted 2003-02-24 08:55 PM

Michael Paul and Lori-Anne kissing in a boat K-I-s-s...ah just kidding. Love your words and your exchanges with Anvrill, it does a heart? good to see two yungins in love on this cold rock

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

35 posted 2003-02-25 07:35 AM

Good choice, Mike...

INclan
Senior Member

since 1999-07-20

Posts 1024
Indiana, USA

36 posted 2003-02-25 01:31 PM

There is nothing I can add to the comments already made. I only add my voice to the chorus of praise. I too first noted the reference to Orion and then read on. I vote, Yes.

INclan

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

37 posted 2003-02-25 01:41 PM

I'm still not good with critiques I'm working on it..it's on my to do list but celestially haunting does that even make sense? yeah whatever..ciao

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

CSKpoet
Senior Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 845
Island in Paradise

38 posted 2003-03-01 06:15 AM

wonderful submission...my vote for an exquisite write
smiles, Cher

Poetry is:
Passion, imagination and intellect running together.

Aloha with warmest regards, Cheryl Stewart Koomoa

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

39 posted 2003-03-01 10:55 AM

I dont think I can top whats been said, and to pin one favorite line....it would be the whole poem.....amazing sir...

Lauren~

Take me where the tides start
So I can pull you into me

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

40 posted 2003-03-03 09:56 AM

I can read so much into this, I love the layers that seem to be there. Yes, I will vote - and continue to enjoy reading your work.

Cerenity
Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 2637
Escondido-California

41 posted 2003-03-03 11:24 PM

Hi bsquirrel,

Great reading here, loved your use of words.

Cerenity

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

42 posted 2003-03-04 12:51 PM

I've gone out in my boat many times at night. My spotlight can only reach so far and always in the back of my mind is hitting a sandbar, or worse, some debris floating in the water. The stars, however, are always stunning and yes, you've certainly got my vote on this one. Great imagery!

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

43 posted 2003-03-04 01:32 PM

I never know how to reply
so I will just say thank you.

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

44 posted 2003-03-05 04:24 PM

I thought I had found all the good ones. Joyce

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

45 posted 2003-03-10 05:41 AM

Mike & Anvrill - this is just beautiful -

She told me with kisses
that we would go under.
Under Orion,

xxoo

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

46 posted 2003-03-10 01:19 PM

Thanks, littlewing. I wrote it. She inspired it. That goes for almost all my work, actually...

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

47 posted 2003-03-19 03:53 AM

I like this, Mike.
A good choice for submission.
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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