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mayfield and collins avenue
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mayfield and collins avenue |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
mayfield and collins avenue --------------------------- noisy windchimes sang lead to fading decembers and i saw you on second floor alcoves like some rapunzel in silhouette .. couldn't find any sidewalk pebbles, so i ravaged wishing-well dreams by flinging pocket coins at your window and wasted around 46 cents .. trying to get your attention. that nite, we were bootlegged virtuosos--who defied meteorologists staging broadway on top of old 1978 camaros, drowned shakespeare with our unpoetic-contempo dialogues of superstitions supernatural of things irrational, like alanis morrisette and vanilla coke on the way home--you asked for my hoodie, and halfway there .. you fell asleep to the red hot chili peppers. i didn't notice .. but come red light at mayfield and collins avenue, my existence turned clandestine as i caught you sleeping, there--shotgun dreamscape aphrodite .. .. and you won me over. underneath a darkcoffee sky where you stranded me--with nothing left to do, but breathe ----------------------------------------- "and i dont want the world to see me because i don't think that theyd understand, when everythings meant to be broken i just want you to know who i am" [goo goo dolls] ----------------------------------------- [This message has been edited by christian (02-15-2003 01:45 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 christian ragunton - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 BRAVO!!! (big hugggssssssss) I said this before and I will say it again, you certainly can capture the moment, and much more vividly than a Polaroid print or a Coke ad, in fact you have dissolved all of pop culture so well in this romantic moment here, kudos to you, this has my vote! (smiles) Yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Christian, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Your poetry is addicting  |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Now this is some real poetry. This is something I think should be included in Reflections, as what you've done here is really focused on the chronological, which I just love... mention of things like vanilla coke, red hot chili peppers... this is the kind of thing that is footnoted in an anthology two hundred years down the line. Great writing, Christian. I'm starting to really like your style. Parasite "Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
I rem reading this in open. Still love it! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I'm really impressed with this. I must admit that I've never read anything of yours, but you have made a wonderful first impression! You have captured a beautiful moment, the moment that you realize you love someone... this certainly gets my vote. Nice work! Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ |
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RedTapePoetry Junior Member
since 2003-02-02
Posts 19 |
Dang. I found your name and i was hoping to read a new poem from you! Oh well, this is still as gorgeous as the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and yadda yadda... You keep on writing and i will keep on loving, i'm voting now. |
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RedTapePoetry Junior Member
since 2003-02-02
Posts 19 |
Ooops, i forgot to vote. , clumsy me.. okay, check! got it! |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
thanks guys. temptress pushed me into trying out this publishing scheme, and i figured why not give it a shot, so hell, here goes nothing. |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Liked this when I read it in open. But probably didn't comment. (my bad) Good write ~wranx |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
This is an excellent penning... I haven't been around that much these days, but I enjoyed reading this today... Regards, Sudhir |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Fantastic writing... Captivating read... Smiles2uPoetFriend Christian *~coco*~ |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Liked this the first time I read it, still like it now. I always enjoy the way you seem to play with words Christian. Nice piece. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Thanks for posting this. Very well done. I share Sudhir's sentiments. Jim |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
You started with a compelling, strong first line and the remainder of the poem gained great momentum! Excellent, Christian. A keeper for sure. *s When you think you have heard it all, |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
duncan, poets play with words--it's the craft. i just bend it to the point of break sometimes, and, it works. thanks y'all. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I've had nights like this. Let's hope this book does, too. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
noisy windchimes sang lead to fading decembers and i saw you on second floor alcoves like some rapunzel in silhouette .. couldn't find any sidewalk pebbles, so i ravaged wishing-well dreams by flinging pocket coins at your window ================================= i didn't notice .. but come red light at mayfield and collins avenue, my existence turned clandestine as i caught you sleeping, there--shotgun dreamscape aphrodite .. .. and you won me over. underneath a darkcoffee sky where you stranded me--with nothing left to do, but breathe ======================================= this is just such a very cool write... and what I believe will be things to come in the next generation of contemporary poetry styles. You worked this with such unique, cleverly timed imagery, phrasing and analogy. Its written with a surreal edge and has the emotional sincerity that is a must for successful poetry. Once again your poetry leaves an impression. I believe you will be one to watch as your poetry and style progresses. I hope we get to see it. "Trees are poems that the earth writes upon the sky ... |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
christian - this is a definate, click... BC |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Christian, you have a style that is uniquely your own and becoming very recognizable. You have a wonderful way of creating a mood with your decriptive writing and unusual, albeit interesting, phrases. Warm hugs! EA |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
unique indeed! ~Every girl has a dream within. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
unusual is the word here....and i'll try not to be a gushing idiot this time.. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Chris...I just love the feel of your poetry. It always draws me in and keeps me hanging on. Wonderfully done. "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
hm, ::scavenges for words to say:: i've always been bad with praise, i don't know how to handle it--so .. if you guys don't mind, i'll just stick to the generic 'thanks'. thanks. -chris. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
"Thanks" works for me! Excellent entry for the book - good luck it sure is worthy. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Great stuff christian |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
...gotta bump this one up too |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i'll help |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Chris, I thought I had read this and voted, but my name's not in your replies, so I must have not......yet......so, Now I have...  Ethel [This message has been edited by garysgirl (03-16-2003 08:38 PM).] |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
tut tut, :smirk: i dont think you can bump poems up, yeah? it really doesnt matter i mean--it's at the bottom of the forums for a reason. but, again, i'm so flattered, and a bit confused with kindness you guys can portray. thanks-so-much. it does mean something. --chris |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Chris...you're a good writer...you're concise and hard-hitting, leaving imagery, and awe in your wake... You're very good... stop smirking now...  I want to see you in Reflections... |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Wow! This is an amazing poem, and the ending is just Wow!  Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Chris, whatever the reason your submissions are at the bottom of the forums, it's definitely not because they aren't good...don't play yourself down allright..you make this aspiring writer want to tear his hair in frustration...  |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
I was sure I voted for this... well, now I have! this is GOOD! Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
I'll vote! Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS |
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Ringo
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
This was absolutely Phenominal!!!!!! It ranks up there in my top 5 from this site. I tip my pen to you, Sir. Imagine all the People living life in peace... |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Indeed a most enjoyed read... Thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more of your poetry... *~coco~* |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
I remember this, the shotgun dreamscape! Just as good if not better the second time around. You've got so much style~ |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Amazing, I can see and be a part of the whole scene. This line especially grabbed me "i ravaged wishing-well dreams" Must read more of your writing Sandra |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Oh, this is good. Very very good. I can't write all the very's for it. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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