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Open Poetry #24
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Black Swan
Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 165
on the moon

0 posted 2003-02-10 09:03 PM


misplaced my soul
replaced  by a hole
with a little voice saying
sorta a waste anyway
when the moon catches my eye
and the streetlamps orange light engulfs my veiw
i think of you
tortured feeling,your face im dreaming, you left me hanging
still untangling the knots you tied
totally engulfed
i was emersed in a feeling i once again am craving for
praying more
trusting less
reading your old letters,my rooms a mess
dont bother to ask why
not wasting my time this way
i find myself less connected
i find myself rejected
its okay
i never trusted you anyway

© Copyright 2003 Talia - All Rights Reserved
Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

1 posted 2003-02-10 09:10 PM


You catch a mood in such a new and fresh way...and bring the reader to a shared and familure place.
Eric

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
2 posted 2003-02-10 09:44 PM


Black Swan - well written, well said...

BC

gypsy girl
Junior Member
since 2003-01-09
Posts 12
Pennsylvania, USA
3 posted 2003-02-10 09:47 PM


I really, really like this....the rhythm is odd, even for a conversational piece but it works fabulously...there's a distinctive voice to the poem that gives it strength.
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