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Stolen Simplicity
Junior Member

since 2002-11-07

Posts 22
Canadian

0 posted 2003-02-04 07:29 PM

This is a poem I have to turn in to my teacher, so please, if you see something wrong, tell me.

The Dance Goes On

The last traces fade,
As the seasons seem to change,
Smiles come to the lips,
Of all those who prayed.

We’ve reached our goal,
What we wanted we’ve got,
Nothing left to hide,
Nothing left to want.

There are days that go back,
That seem like the past,
One’s we fight to ignore,
Because there’s nothing left.

But once we get away,
From the memories that plague,
All that’s left is the joy,
That we feel during the day.

The dance goes on,
Only ceasing to breathe,
As yesterday is forgotten,
And tomorrow is an eternity away.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2003-02-04 07:47 PM

love the poem, don't know what your teacher is looking for, so??? but I liked it a lot. Thought you did great )

Stolen Simplicity
Junior Member

since 2002-11-07

Posts 22
Canadian

2 posted 2003-02-04 07:49 PM

I don't think my teachers looking for much more than originality and a little bit of effort *shrug*

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2003-02-04 07:53 PM

then you did good

poohbear19
Member

since 2003-02-02

Posts 94
Colorado, USA

4 posted 2003-02-04 08:13 PM

You did good, this is definately original and you put effort into it...I'm sure your teacher will give you a good grade....since you earned it. I am an assistant for a freshmen english class and I wish the teacher had a poetry unit, I love poetry. I had the same teacher 9th grade year (both semesters, and 2nd semester 10th grade year). I want the class to do a poetry unit, you are so lucky.

Andrea

Stolen Simplicity
Junior Member

since 2002-11-07

Posts 22
Canadian

5 posted 2003-02-04 08:14 PM

I'm glad I get to, I didn't last year...but..my teacher last year didn't teach..she just stood there with a handful of text books looking pretty...

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

6 posted 2003-02-05 04:31 AM

why don't you put this in the critical analysis forum where you might actually get some feedback on the poem itself? I'll try and get back to it myself in a couple of days, unless you've already handed it in by then...I'm a bit busy right now

K

Black Swan
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 165
on the moon

7 posted 2003-02-05 04:50 AM

this poem flows well

Dr Pepper Freak
Member

since 2003-01-30

Posts 72
CA

8 posted 2003-02-05 07:39 AM

I think you did a great job on this and if your teacher is only looking for originality and effort I think you have met the criteria!

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. ~ Lena Horne

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