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Passions in Poetry

shaman in the club

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Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


0 posted 02-03-2003 11:51 PM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Effigy

Do you have any beans?

Do you know where they are?

Gateway.

Open up. Show me the light.

/roll/light/

Breath deep - hold breath...
       visions never danced so well.

Listen to the gods.

/exhale/

The lines begin to vanish.

Angels show little differnce from the insane,
insane displays only a slight variance from
those who may be human.

Teeth feel numb, the world is a great
      white bird flying high in-between great
      white cloads at the feet of great
      white giants.

There are piles, mountains of snow in sight
      (lined up on my coffie table).

Oh shaman...
   spread your knowledge.
   - show me what can't be seen.
   - knowing what can't be known.

Put this on your tongue
   (melts in your mouth, not in your hand).

              Take the red pill.

we all fund terrorism one way or the other.
                      

© Copyright 2003 Effigy - All Rights Reserved
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 07-23-2000
Posts 3074
of Depression


1 posted 02-04-2003 09:56 AM       View Profile for Professor Gloom   Email Professor Gloom   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Professor Gloom's Home Page   View IP for Professor Gloom

Not sure if the jumbled nature of this is planned
But the early part detracts from what I believe is your message.
This could come from my lack of understanding of the culture,
And sub cultures are hard to understand in the best of time.
It almost seems like two different poems.
Perhaps a extra line or two added to clarify
If possible.

Gloom
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


2 posted 02-04-2003 02:37 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Love the message, and underscores my belief that we need to work toward eliminating the black market, through a spirit of compromise.

I had no problem following though, (embarrassed that experience shows, I suppose) but this passage gave me pause:

"Angels show little differnce from the insane,
insane displays only a slight variance from
those who may be human."

But...I concede that could well be an example of drug-induced "wisdom."

Either way tho? The message is clear.

Enjoyed.
forne_marin
Member
since 04-13-2004
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina


3 posted 05-14-2004 09:47 AM       View Profile for forne_marin   Email forne_marin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit forne_marin's Home Page   View IP for forne_marin

I disagree with ALL of the previous responses. I don't think any of them got it at all. I'm 99% positive that the last line is not the punch of the poem--it's the "punch line". Your intent is sarcastic, why else would you be praising the shaman?

The poem itself is good, but I'd like some info on your target audience, because the poem seems to be in favor of drug use.

I critique poems. I don't feel right judging them, but this one doesn't exacty sit right with me.

*shrug*

Just my $.02. From an artistic point of view, it is a good write, though.

I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry.

 
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