Alyssa,

Heart touching, again. Your norm it seems. My father was so icy cold he did not have to say a word and icicles grew from my heart, I swear. And yet it was he who taught me my morals, the harshness not needed, for I think they come naturally to some of us...but instilled so that to tell my name sometimes I felt I was lying....For decades I could not lie if I wanted to. I have lived long enough, (he died when I was almost 19,) to have now learned much about human nature and forgive him completely for the pain he obviously was in. (make sense?) I'll bet in those 18 years 100 words weren't passed between us, and never a hug. Funny I knew he loved me, just didn't feel it. Of six children alive and all older than myself, cept my twin I was the one he called to his death bed and asked if I would take care of mother...how odd!!! (I did) His way of loving me was harsh and caused a couple devastating decisions I made along the way of growing up, ever searching for the father love...That is why my faith in God is so precious to me....and I am so glad for your closeness with Jesus as well, especially at this early age.
Does it make the pain go away. I don't feel the pain but what I know that is one of the biggest holes in the seive of my soul. Once when I was going through an incredibly difficult time with my very disturbed husband,  a vision of my father stood sentinel at the end of my bed...in greys and black and usually visions are not grey....
I found it interesting and comforting, but rock solid protection. It had to be spiritual protection! People may think I am a bit 'touched', like in looney, however, if they knew how scientifically minded, and prove it to me, I am.....it would make them a believer in the fifth demension....my brilliant husband believed me...
some might say it was my mind wishing it....it was not...not consciously, nor subconsciously, and never in greys...but doesn't matter. Your poem says much; certain people can say nothing and they speak quite loudly.  
The coldness prevails...sadly....
Well there is a small chapter of my life.

Hugs and love to you, Pat


  

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~  
                  

dennis,
thanks for replying. I'm glad you enjoyed. You keep Faith too

Ethel,
yes, quite loud. Thanks much for replying

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)