»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #24
»
Why Wouldn't She Tell Me, Or Why Couldn't I See? (about my daughter)
| Open Poetry #24 |
|
Why Wouldn't She Tell Me, Or Why Couldn't I See? (about my daughter) |
|
garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA 
|
(Friends, this is different that anything I've ever posted. It's a very feeble attempt for me to try to write about something that is very painful. I hope that you will be patient with my attempt to do this and look over the mistakes I've made in the technical parts of this poem. This is straight from my heart.) . . . When she was just a little girl And asking about the world I tried to tell my little Dear That some people she needed to fear But, like me, she has a trusting heart Of hurt, she's had her part Having more than most of us Because of whom she put her trust I'm having a hard time writing this To tell her my thoughts, I wish But things in her are pushed way down inside Rather than talk about, them she'd rather hide Wondering why then, she wouldn't tell me Or why couldn't I see Later, she said, afraid of what I would do Then, without me, she would be, too For she felt that she'd lost her Dad With divorce and separation, we had Then, he went on to lead his life With another family and his new wife A short time ago to me, she said That all who had hurt her are now dead A small bit of peace this brought to me Because, alive, I still seem to be I still wonder why she wouldn't tell me Or why couldn't I see? . . . Thank you all for listening to my heart. [This message has been edited by garysgirl (01-26-2003 01:29 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Ethel GG Kent - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ethel... I do understand. K |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Yes, Karilea, from some of your poetry, I felt that you do. It's just so hard for me to write about. So painful.... |
||
|
Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
 I hear you, and know how hard it is to write about...feelings from your heart, translated very well.((warm hugs)) Charisma |
||
|
Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Ethel...I can relate all too well to this deep feeling piece you have written. Daughters are wonderful, yet complex. All we can do for them is the best we can...and I know you have and still are. hugs, Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Thank you so much, Charisma, for reading, replying and for understanding. I really do appreciate it..... "Love makes the world go around" |
||
|
inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
sometimes we don't see the writing on the wall, as it is being written, and years after, the pain gets buried and we just desensitize to it too, and then sometimes we don't want to admit that we were raised as anything remotely different from the "norm", the father knows best type familes (well thats my example because im a child of the 60's) can u understand what i am saying......my mother tried to shelter my sister and I from a lot of pain at times when we were growing up, and i love her for that, too, but it colors your life, regardless, i hope this isnt too longwinded, and i don't know if i got my point across, but this hit home for me, |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Ethel...I too understand. Heart hugs. ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Chris, I certainly did try when she was still at home. But now that she's married and living about 3,000 miles away, with her own daughters, it's really hard. Since my husband died, she will at least talk to me. For years before he died, she wouldn't even do that. He was her step-dad. So maybe that explains a little more. Now, I don't know why I'm saying all that. I didn't intend to, but now that I've typed it, I'll just leave it there. Thank you for understanding, friend..... "Love makes the world go around" |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Yes, Michele, I understand what you're saying. And, it doesn't matter if you get "long-winded". You know that I do, sometimes, and at times, it does help us with what's inside that we would like to have out. Doesn't it? Thank you for understanding. "Love makes the world go around" |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Sweet Nancy Lee, thank you for understanding and for the "heart hugs"... "Love makes the world go around" |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
heart hugs, friend. thank you for sharing this |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
this makes me think of my own daughter, what she's been through in the past and what she's going through now...and i think of myself here, not really being able to see that pain she bears...and she will never cry...she thinks she must be strong. I gotta go call her...thanks Ethel! |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ethel--The heart pain shows in your poem, as does your love for your daughter. I understand this, although only my sons lived to grow up, my daughter was full emotions in her few years, that I still don't understand.  |
||
|
neveah5 Member
since 2002-11-22
Posts 197Ohio |
 Thats about all I can say friend..I can't say I understand or can relate. At least not yet.  |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Thank you, Dixie, for understanding. My daughter has been through things I've never experienced. My Mom and Dad have been with each other all my life, so that was the first thing she went through that I've never had to. I'm glad that you're going to call your daughter. I'm planning to call mine tomorrow when I think she'll be at home by herself. She seems to act more like old times, before she left home, when she is by herself and talking to me. I guess she can just be herself, then. She didn't leave home until she was almost nineteen. People at work and Church said that we acted more like sisters than Mother and Daughter. I don't have any sisters, so I don't know. I just know that we were very, very close and I miss those times so much...... [This message has been edited by garysgirl (01-26-2003 03:13 PM).] |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I've only been the daughter, the mentor and friend, so I can only relate in that way. But I never told my mother everything or anything that upset me until three years ago and she thought I was making a bigger deal out of what was going on than what it was. Mothers tend to do that...leaving daughters to not unload on them. M |
||
|
wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
pretty cool write... warming at the end |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Martie, thank you so much for reading and replying. I know that you have pain about your daughter, and I'm so sorry if this made some of that hurt surface. I know that the hurt is always right there, waiting to come out. Sometimes when I read some of these poems, all I can do is cry. I really don't know what else to say, except that you have my hugs and thank you for yours to me... |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Heather, I hope that you never can relate to this pain totally. You're very sweet for replying and offering your cmpassion and encouragement. It shows what a caring person you are. Thank you, friend...... |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Martie, my Mother is like that, too, unless it's concerning her getting upset over me and my brother being mistreated. My daughter knows in her heart how overly-protective I always was of her and I really think she didn't tell me some things because some of the ones who had hurt her were still living and she was afraid of what I might do. I think she was trying to protect me from causing myself more trouble. Maybe one day soon, she and I can talk without her husband around. Then, I think she will answer some questions that are in my mind. Her remark about "everyone who has ever hurt her is dead", put a lot of unanswered questions in my head. Mainly what I know right now is what her husband sent to me in an e-mail letter.... One that he said she didn't know that he was writing........ Well, there I went again, saying more than I wanted to. |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Wayoutwalt, I really thank you for reading and replying.  "Love makes the world go around" |
||
|
SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Garysgirl, My heart goes out to you. I don't have children myself so I can only try to imagine the pain you must feel. As a daughter I know how much pain I, in my youthful ignorant selfish way, must have inflicted on my mom. We can all only try to do the best we can with what we have. SG |
||
|
Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
I agree. And disagree. I disagree that this poem is feeble. It shows so much love and compassion, and trust me, I know how it feels. I don't even have to put myself in yur shoes, or your daughter's shoes to know how this feels. so I agree with everythng else. Ethel, I was touched, as usual. Hi! did ya miss me?  I am living proof that ghosts exist. Which is an oximoron but I don't care ;) |
||
|
vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed  |
||
|
Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Ethel, this nis so very sad, sweet friend, my heart goes out to you and your daughter as though I am of course too young to be a father and understand these things you do about parenting, I can imagine how hard it must be for a mothert to tell her daughter how everything will be when there are sad troubled souls who may try and interfere with your progress! (sad sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, I send angel hugs out to you both, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ethel, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
||
|
Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
and the sad thing is that having walked in those paths it's easier, not harder, to pass them on. *Hearthugs Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
||
|
Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
Godbless you. Well written (¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨) |
||
|
scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
Very moving, Ethel.. believe in what your heart feels... |
||
|
Eromyna Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306Pheonix, AZ, USA |
Hmm... Being still in the role of a daughter myself, and completely unable to grasp the concept of a loving mother, I find this piece fascinating. "I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation." |
||
|
carol Senior Member
since 2003-01-25
Posts 624Florida USA |
this is so pretty. But there is a lot of things about our childern untill they are all grown up. Then all we can do is pick up the pieces and go on. |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Noah... Kethry... Kellie.... Scorpio..... Eromyna...... Carol...... My dear friends, I can't even express what I feel in my heart for all of you. All of you here at Passions are some of the most kind and loving people I have ever met. All I know to say is that I appreciate all of you so much and.... THANK YOU ALL, AND I LOVE EACH OF YOU  Hugs To You All ~Ethel~ |
||
|
regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Ethel, I am sorry it has taken me so long to get to this. Haven't been on-line much last few days. I can relate to all your heartache and fears of not having 'known' things....when really there isn't any way you could have. One of the hardest parts of my life is knowing or finding out the suffering my children went or go through. Keeping them separate from our soul, so hard to do, too. Like they are so part of us.....that letting go, so hard....and being so tied up in our own circumstances assuming they are being protected and know they are loved.... it is a tough balance and may soon, you renew the relationship with her, as sweet as you are, I cannot imagine she not wanting the best Nanny on earth....for her children...as hard as it is, all in God's own time.... Hugs and love to you, and thanks for sharing this part of yourself.... Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
||
|
NewEnglandlazurlu Member Rara Avis
since 2002-01-04
Posts 7470A Mountain Paradise |
Ethel, it is so hard to know what our children are thinking and feeling and doing. I cried when I read this as I have been both daughter and mother. Neither role is easy. I know this was so emotional for you to write and I personally thank you for sharing a part of your heart with us. Luvs and a big hug, Marti |
||
|
Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
garysgirl - such heartfelt words, I can say no more... BC |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Pat, Martie, Bill, I thank you all so much. It's hard for me to see through the tears when I try to respond to all of your loving and heart-felt replies. This poem was very hard for me to write. Like I said in the poem I posted today, all of you friends here really do amaze me with your compassionate and understanding ways. THANK YOU ALL, MY DEAR FRIENDS With love and hugs from ~Ethel~ |
||
|
SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Ethel, thank you for sharing this. I do understand it. And, I know about stepdad's. |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Sue, thank you so much for understanding, Sue. I may not should have said that about step-dad's, because there are some very good ones.....but, like all other things, there are also some very bad ones....in lots of ways. Thank you, Sue for replying..... "Love makes the world go around" |
||
|
Salty Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669Texas |
Ethel this was such a powerful heartfelt piece. I have had the same dealings ...and I understand your pain. You did very well with this write, and I hope things are clearing and cleansing. Sorry it took me so long to find this..I haven't been in very much in the past week. Hugs to U ~Salty In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
"I really think she didn't tell me some things because some of the ones who had hurt her were still living and she was afraid of what I might do." I read your poem and loved the love that's so very evident in it... then I read this in your response... and all I can do is think of how lucky she is to have someone WANT to know and someone so prepared to defend any hurts inflicted. *S* I envy her. *S* |
||
|
BlueEyes Member
since 2002-08-30
Posts 152TX, USA |
Ethel - Just between you and me, I know the pain all too well.. but the pain I know is on the other end. So many things I should've, wished I would've, told my mom. How could she go from being my very best friend in the whole world, to someone that I hardly speak to? The only answer that I could come up with is that in my clouded vision, I was trying to shield her from the pain that I felt, by not telling her. I didn't realize that I was hurting her more by doing this. She once asked me why I never told her about anything, why did she have to hear it from my sisters (although I swore them to secrecy). I told her it was because I didn't want her to worry...and she told me, "You're my baby girl..I will always worry." Boy, did that open the floodgate of tears! I know it's hard, it's confusing, and painful.. but hopefully the old saying - time heals all wounds - will be true with your test. Always, BlueEyes |
||
|
Dr Pepper Freak Member
since 2003-01-30
Posts 72CA |
Wow, this truly hits home...something I could see my own mother writing. I hope writing this has given you a bit of a release. *hugs* Everyone can use one now and then! It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. ~ Lena Horne |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Salty, I noticed that you haven't been on here much lately. Hope everything's okay? Oh, I talked to my daughter Monday on the phone. We had a good talk. I'm going to send her an 800 phone card so she can call me if she needs to, or wants to. Thanks, friend.... . . Suthern, Thanks for reading and replying. You know me pretty well to "read through the lines" like that. I'm really sorry for your pain, sweet friend. . . Blue Eye, I'm sorry for the pain you've been through. I really hope that you and your Mother are talking more now.... . . Dr. Pepper Freak, Welcome, and thank you for reading and replying to my poem. Yes, writing this did help me some, though I still hurt for her so much. She still needs a lot of healing from the past. I just wish she would let me help her more. . . With love and hugs from Ethel [This message has been edited by garysgirl (01-30-2003 01:07 PM).] |
||
|
Goodknight Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386Ohio, USA |
what apowerful poem and the pain and love is so evident in your poem - life is so wonderful and so confounding - Paul |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Paul, I really appreciate you reading my poem and leaving such nice comments. Thank you very much... "Love makes the world go around" |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
