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Passions in Poetry

instantaneous ambition

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Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


0 posted 01-22-2003 02:51 PM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Effigy

Daybreak

9:00 a.m. (as opposed to p.m.)

It's morning,
but i'm not.

AWAKE

droning of the alarm

hit the snooze button.

10:00 (still in the a.m.)

          AWAKE

          droning of the alarm.

                  -no place to be.

          hit the snooze button.

          11:00 (a.m. draws close to an end)

                     AWAKE

                     droning of the alarm
                            
                              - no one to see.

                     hit the snooze button.

                     12:00 p.m. (dig it, morning is gone).

                              AWAKE

                              droning of the alarm

                                      - can't sleep

                              the snooze button has fallen off.


[This message has been edited by Effigy (01-22-2003 02:52 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Effigy - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


1 posted 01-22-2003 02:54 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

(chuckling).... like the last line especially...

read several of your poems...and like what I read..look forward to reading more..

Quiet Acquiescence
Member
since 02-16-2003
Posts 71
somewhere out here


2 posted 02-16-2003 09:14 PM       View Profile for Quiet Acquiescence   Email Quiet Acquiescence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Quiet Acquiescence

hehehehe. funny

~*~me~*~
forne_marin
Member
since 04-13-2004
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina


3 posted 05-14-2004 09:52 AM       View Profile for forne_marin   Email forne_marin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit forne_marin's Home Page   View IP for forne_marin

Loved it. This one is a trite, silly little peice, but it made me laugh out loud. My favorite lines were:

"It's morning,
but i'm not.

AWAKE"


The break there is really brilliant, because you leave the reader hanging for a moment, thinking that the *time* is morning, but the *speaker* is not morning. This is a really neat little device. That and the "pm Dig it" line were my favorites.

Not your usual style, but I enjoyed it.

I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry.

 
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