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Open Poetry #24
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Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455


0 posted 2003-01-14 01:31 AM


(Parts I and II were posted previously, though I have edited both for use here.  Thanks for indulging me.  It's rare that I'm this long-winded.)

.
.


I.   The bar was horseshoe shaped


It was in a bar called Winston’s
just before hitting the Alabama border,
that I saw her, again.

I’d been driving north for twelve hours
not even the broadest destination in mind,
content with the motion,
until a sign blinked in the night
offering ‘cold beer’.

The bar was horseshoe shaped.
Wondering where I should sit for luck,
then wondering…for luck with what?
I took a stool
towards the back.

As one’s life plays before them
at the moment of their death,
I saw her, again.

A flash flood of beauty and devastation
stepping from sleek to red clay.
In the first instant I knew
the end of the story
would not change

still
again
my heart gave no notice
to the screams
as she brushed my arm
walking by.

Love loves a fool
who am I to argue?

She held my gaze with equal surprise
though not a hint of trepidation.
The corner of her eye
holding me, another
moment

enough
for a fever
enough
for a chill
enough.

Suddenly, I felt the breath return
to my chest,
jaw unclench, foot step
toward the floor

and I wondered, was I drunk
or just crazy,
as I heard myself order her a beer.


II.   Let’s call it luck


First words out of her pretty mouth,
‘What the hell are you doing here?’
I reminded myself
her eyes said something else
just a few steps
before.

‘Some sadistic god
called this shot’,
I thought

but to her,
‘Let’s call it luck’.

Reflexively, my hand
reached into my pocket
for the coin she’d flipped
two years before,
surprising me with a demand of, ‘Call it’.
I felt my stomach
making every spin,
until the ring of metal striking floor
broke unsuspecting
autumn night.

And so it had been my call,
she said

and disappeared.

I pulled out her chair and lit a cigarette
chased the scent of her with Jack
and waited for the burn, then
the soothe
of her,
a flame, red
from dark eyes
promising everything
and nothing,
as her lips held
the reason
for my birth.


Her voice slid into me
like a rush through vein.
I closed my eyes
and all sound became
raindrops on tin.


III.   I could have slept there forever


It rained for nearly three days
but the August heat paid no mind,
so we slept through
the afternoons
fitfully, then deeply,
wrapped in skin wet
with humidity
and the unspoken Southern charms
of summers and youth.

She would wake me then,
into darkness that betrayed
the curtained sun.
A cool, dripping bandana
soothing the back of my neck.
Single, dawn-tinted nail
hypnotically tracing my spine,
until even breath
rested
with a tremor
against soporific linen.

I could have slept there
forever,
had she not
lay down beside me.
Had I not
turned to find her eyes
lost in a moment
that I would live on for years.



[This message has been edited by Duncan (01-14-2003 01:35 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Duncan - All Rights Reserved
enchantingvamp
Member
since 2002-12-21
Posts 214
Indiana, & NO there is NOT more than corn in Indiana, oughta go back to texas!
1 posted 2003-01-14 05:40 AM


bravo bravo bravo!

Nature has a funny way of breaking that which will not bend....Jewell

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2003-01-14 06:59 AM



Each stands alone...
and together, the story continues
to unfold...

not fair, this early in the morning...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2003-01-14 08:16 AM


as her lips held
the reason
for my birth.


Her voice slid into me
like a rush through vein.
I closed my eyes
and all sound became
raindrops on tin.



III.   I could have slept there forever


It rained for nearly three days
but the August heat paid no mind,
so we slept through
the afternoons
fitfully, then deeply,
wrapped in skin wet
with humidity
and the unspoken Southern charms
of summers and youth.

She would wake me then,
into darkness that betrayed
the curtained sun.
A cool, dripping bandana
soothing the back of my neck.
Single, dawn-tinted nail
hypnotically tracing my spine,
until even breath
rested
with a tremor
against soporific linen.


I could have slept there
forever,
had she not
lay down beside me.
Had I not
turned to find her eyes
lost in a moment
that I would live on for years.
=======================================


what you call "long winded," we will call a sequel that finds us either holding our breath while reading...or exhaling after willingly inhaling those lines of intended impact. Yeah...I WILL admit I inhale.  rofl

So Dunc....two words... MORE PLEASE!!

love the name....me thinks Robbie would approve
and....me thinks the Capt will be smiling
very cool my friend...glad you came back around to this one...some mothy muses just wont let go.   heh

It's over long before her fall from grace, she's never been this far from safe.
Trying to see where it all began, she'll never be the same again.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

4 posted 2003-01-14 08:29 AM


smiling? Hell... I'm breathless... I swear one of these days JM is going to miss one of my favorite lines when she gets to a poem before I do...just hasn't happened yet. There is nothing long winded about this. The writing is tight the story well told and the feeling it creates...just swirls in the readers mind before settling in the center of all that makes them feel.

Danc....one of these days I swear I am going to learn to write like this..

BRAVO...and a tip of the hat!
Now..I have only one word.... MORE!!!!!!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
5 posted 2003-01-14 08:40 AM


Duncan
You weave a good story and I was captured by your web, enjoyed.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2003-01-14 08:50 AM


...WOW!!!...

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
7 posted 2003-01-14 07:34 PM




This is so enjoyable. I remember the following line from when you posted before and it still is one of my all time favorites:

"as her lips held
the reason
for my birth"

This ended too soon, and do hope you continue. So well written is all I can say.


warm regards, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
8 posted 2003-01-14 07:41 PM


Duncan,  this is awesome poetry.  Heck, I
thought I was there in the bar watching the
two of you.....or feeling the damp of that
morn from the humidity that swirled around.

Superbly done...

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
9 posted 2003-01-14 07:58 PM


Yes, I'd read some of this before, and it stood alone quite well.

But this, is a wonderful patchwork(?)of relative thought....I mean, that it's a smooth read.

Ed

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
10 posted 2003-01-14 09:34 PM


Duncan, all I can say is........is there more......PLEASE.....

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~  
                  

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
11 posted 2003-01-14 10:40 PM




(big hugggssssssssss) BRAVO!!! Oh Duncan, this is magnificent, this is so fruitful and complete as I believe many windows can pen from here on in and the waiting becomes an excursion! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, this is a keeper, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Duncan, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2003-01-16 10:55 AM


You know I love this...still rings true, and the edit didn't hurt a bit (and you know how I normally hate that)

and hey you? e me? (I am the ditz who keeps losing your e mail, addy...)

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
13 posted 2003-01-16 10:59 AM


Smiling at the way you sweated this one out, hot drops of the Duncan's life force.


Chuckled at this:
"Thanks for indulging me.  It's rare that I'm this long-winded."  


suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
14 posted 2003-01-16 01:22 PM


Long-winded???? Ha!!! *G* Then why the heck am I breathless?

Excellent work, Duncan!

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
15 posted 2003-01-17 07:54 PM


Great writing, Duncan!  You never fail to atonish me with your writing.  So when are you going to publish a book of the heart?  You say it all so well...the hot and humid, too!

Shenachie

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
16 posted 2003-01-17 09:24 PM


enjoyed
Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
17 posted 2003-01-17 10:31 PM


Duncan - this is a most stunning writing. I'm glad you put all the parts together in one package...

BC

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
18 posted 2003-01-18 01:01 AM


Now you've gone and made my eyes water...
so many 'real' good and honest feelings in this.

I hope you don't ever catch your breath, you blew the wind in all the right directions.

I'm impressed and I enjoyed reading this so very much Duncan.  

Thanks a lot for making me cry!


passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
19 posted 2003-01-18 03:54 AM


I remember these...wonderful combination!
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
20 posted 2003-01-19 05:16 AM


Enjoyed every word...James
Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
21 posted 2003-01-19 06:23 AM



Oh dear, I'm speechless here, catching my breath too.

As much as you like the pics of my country, I like to read your poetry pal.

Titia

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

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