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Open Poetry #24
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Fable
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Fable |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn 
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Well, Princess I realize now That promises kept Are inconsequential Deeds fulfilled… Irrelevant And that I am For you A thing of small regard A mote, I think Of little note You’ve left me in the dark And placed much Between us Yet, I’ll make you this pledge And know, That this too To be true… The memory of me Will forever be The pea That lies beneath Your mattress |
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| © Copyright 2003 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
You turn a certain fairy tale on its head with this one -- leaving behind motes of dust and pea soup. Awesome wit, Wranx. Humor really is a way to cope with life. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Ed... like this one...and the conversational tone that ends in a fairy tale reference of disturbing someones sleep... good to read you again... always is... later |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Oh, I like this. Sarcasm and humor, two wonderful tools I use, probably too often, to deal with my feelings. So well written. Creative as can be. Enjoyed a great deal. Warm regards, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Ed, that's good...make the "Princess" remember you..........  (Does the "brrrr" mean you're still real cold? I hope not.....)  "Love makes the world go around" ~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~ [This message has been edited by garysgirl (01-10-2003 03:18 PM).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is just... a masterpiece I think. The smooth conversational tone a camouflage for the bomb of ending. I tip m'hat, m'yeti. wow. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
 methinks that princess sleeps too soundly. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Excellent, Wranx! |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
"The memory of me Will forever be The pea That lies beneath Your mattress" hooked. wow. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Loved the quiet restraint throughout these words leading us into the sword stroke at the end. great write as always raphf |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey .........kiss her goodbye. coolio, julio |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Love this wranx!! Great idea for a write. Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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WhileIWasGone Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486 |
Beautifully sad... She will never forget...H |
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A Tone of Voice Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287 |
what a clever write......I'm impressed~! *S* Atov~~ |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Ed... Enjoyed very much...Paul Sounds like she is in store for some mental torment. "To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you" |
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defenestrate Junior Member
since 2003-01-10
Posts 46nc, us |
i feel it, and the ending is exquisite. |
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GOlDsparklESS Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 428central nj |
oh, like sooo cool! a pea!! whoa |
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Kitty** Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 428Charlottesville,VA USA |
HEY,HEY,HEY!!! I LOVED THIS!!! What an imagination!! Kitty |
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gypsy girl Junior Member
since 2003-01-09
Posts 12Pennsylvania, USA |
Outstanding! Especially the last few lines...all around awesome read. |
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angelfriend Member
since 2003-01-11
Posts 52Michigan USA |
I agree with everyone. Good poem. I think that last stanza is great! Great imagery. |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Awww, the princess and the pea~~ 'tis true, it's what's underneath that counts and I'll bet that makes her dreams sweet~ Dang wranx~ you did really good! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
really good write, my second time in reading now...and will have a third |
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