red light at mayfield's and collins

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christian
Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 331

0 posted 2003-01-05 10:28 AM

  red light at mayfield's and collins
  -----------------------------------

  noisy windchimes sang lead to fading decembers
  and i saw you on second floor alcoves
  like some rapunzel in silhouette ..

  couldn't find any sidewalk pebbles, so
  i ravaged wishing-well dreams
  by flinging pocket coins at your window

  and wasted around 46 cents .. trying to get your attention.

  that nite, we were

  bootlegged virtuosos--who defied meteorologists
  staging broadway on top of old 1978 camaros,
  drowned shakespeare* with our
  unpoetic-contempo dialogues
  of superstitions
  supernatural
  of things irrational, like
  alanis morrisette and vanilla coke

  on the way home--you asked
  for my hoodie, and
  alfway there ..
  you fell asleep to the red hot chili peppers.

  i didn't notice ..

  but come red light at mayfield and collins avenue,
  my existence turned clandestine
  as i caught you sleeping, there--shotgun dreamscape aphrodite ..

  .. and you won me over.

  underneath a darkcoffee sky
  where you stranded me--with nothing left to do, but breathe

  --

  * 'drowning shakespeare' thanks to greeneyes for the phrase.

  ----------------------------------------
  and i dont want the world to see me
  because i don't think that theyd
  understand,
  when everythings meant to be broken
  i just want you to know

  [goo goo dolls]
  ----------------------------------------

[This message has been edited by christian (01-05-2003 10:31 AM).]

LADY_DEATH
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 105
Fl

1 posted 2003-01-05 10:58 AM

very Cool!It sounds like a romantic story about doing anything for that special someone.The one you could spend the rest of your life with.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-01-05 11:02 AM

Christian, I like this and the descriptions you gave. It was very good...

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2003-01-31 09:32 AM

You have a strength with your imagery
that not all can capture...

enjoyed this...

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

4 posted 2003-01-31 09:37 AM

In other words, you are one fine poet!

I truly enjoyed every thought and line.

Enjoyed this a great deal. Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

5 posted 2003-01-31 09:38 AM

I don't think I've ever read anyones writing that comes quite close to yours.. and I like yours.
This is good. Your describe it so well, I like that ..what was the words you use.. something about a coffee sky ...nice!

like it alot.
Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

6 posted 2003-01-31 09:54 AM

What an "interesting" write--and that is meant in the most positive light!

Warm hugs,
EA

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

7 posted 2003-01-31 12:15 PM

Chris...some really good lines in this, and I like the way you used time and the city to color your feelings...that last line

"where you stranded me--with nothing left to do, but breathe"

packed a whallop! Enjoyed.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

8 posted 2003-01-31 12:59 PM

(smiles) And such a love itself can be irrational yet rational when you're breathing and that is the whole beauty of it as love should fluctuate! (sigh) This is marvelous, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Christian, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

9 posted 2003-01-31 01:01 PM

good writing...mood poetry!

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

10 posted 2003-02-01 01:02 PM

This is simply grand, love your style Christian.

Very nice writing good poet.

Dr Pepper Freak
Member

since 2003-01-30

Posts 72
CA

11 posted 2003-02-01 02:24 PM

Great imagery and a beautiful story! Thoroughly enjoyed this piece!

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. ~ Lena Horne

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

12 posted 2003-02-01 03:32 PM

This is amazing Chris!
Some fantastic imagery here...
Excellent write!
~Hugs~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So you won't ever forget me~

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

13 posted 2003-02-01 04:06 PM

christian - this has to be one of your best. You do have talent, of course my opinion, and from an amateur. But I did like this one...

BC

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

14 posted 2003-02-01 06:15 PM

christian,
"when you stranded me with nothing left to do but breathe" is outstanding on its own but put together with the other lines it creates a tapestry of magic.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

15 posted 2003-02-01 10:59 PM

WOW! I felt like I was there. Excellent imagery.

Maree

adding to my library

we would share and listen and support and welcome, be propelled by passion not invest in outcomes, we would breathe and be charmed and amussed by diff

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

16 posted 2003-02-01 11:00 PM

oops

adding now

christian
Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 331

17 posted 2003-02-02 03:36 AM

thanks for the comments y'all, as always
i appreciated them. muah.

christian
Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 331

18 posted 2003-02-02 03:38 AM

and, btw--what's this private library
deal that everyone's been wiffing about.

i know ive been here for a little over a
month and a half, but i still havent
figured out all the gimmicks to this
place. blah.

-chris.

christian
Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 331

19 posted 2003-02-02 03:41 AM

and, bill--c'mon now, we're all amateurs
just living in a place where there's no
such thing as perfect. let's keep it cool.

RedTapePoetry
Junior Member

since 2003-02-02

Posts 19

20 posted 2003-02-03 12:09 PM

i sincerely like the way you write. I love the details and descriptions you add when you put something on paper. It makes the poem just as refreshing and so real. I loved this, so sweet! I'll be looking forward to more of your stuff. Keep writing!

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

21 posted 2003-02-03 07:37 AM

well done... strong imagery and a nice flow to the story line..still leaving mucg to the reader..

very nice... nice indeed.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

22 posted 2003-02-03 12:32 PM

I enjoyed the entire poem very much... but the last line is simply spectacular. *S* Well done!

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

23 posted 2003-02-03 01:02 PM

Wow, absolutely great write christian. Love the use of metaphor and rich imagery.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

24 posted 2003-02-03 01:30 PM

Christian, what does "wiffing" mean?

The library can be found just below the white box when you reply: click on the "add thread to library" or "add poet to library" and voila...your instant library is established.

You can then access your Library by clicking on "Private Library" in the dark blue banner above, or below on the tag line at the end.

carol
Senior Member

since 2003-01-25

Posts 624
Florida USA

25 posted 2003-02-03 01:56 PM

Christian, this is lovely i enjoy every word.

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

26 posted 2003-02-03 11:54 PM

Lovely...wow...amazing..these aren't good enough words. How old are you again? Are you published? I believe you should be..or at least this poem should be. This isn't the first time I'be been satisfied with a poem of yours. I haven't been disappointed yet. I love the way you tell a story, and I agree that you use very strong imagery in your work. You keep writing, and I'll keep reading.

and..
that library thing everyone is talking about?

I'm putting you in mine.

Have a nice night.

Jenn

~~I Love You~~

Effigy
Member

since 2000-04-11

Posts 486
disbelief

27 posted 2003-02-04 12:01 PM

wow. that was good. really. so much more entertaining than the normal lovey dovey crap that drones on and on thoughout the rest of this sight. I don't mean to sound pretentious( I often write crap also, just look at what i posted tonight - it is total crap.) I digress from my point. this was well written. I enjoyed.

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