and if I die before I wake...

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jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

0 posted 2003-01-03 01:30 PM

will preface this by saying she is not my 'mother', but she could be anyone's mother...father...the elderly are a part of us that it is sometimes hard to talk about. This poem came from helping my husband take care of his mother who has Alzheimer's...even though she is not my mother, *I* write...because my heart tells me to

and if I die before I wake...

It might be just habit
that takes Momma to her knees
before bed, but if so, it is
a habit in support of eternity’s sake,
for I truly believe that if she is to
make it to heaven, then God
will have to come for her
in her sleep...

She is no longer connected to the hands
she raised in fury, the hands
that she never raised in repentance,
and too far gone to accept the
responsibility now.
It is much easier to not
remember, to just let it all
fade away.

The consequences of her
fire filled eyes and ungrateful
tongue start to strangle, so
PoorPoorMe is always ready
willing and able to fill in
the gaps in her reality.

Her pupils darken and widen
into another dementia she dives.
She cannot see. She needs not.
For her, demons lead the way.

In the battle for salvation
I feel her already fallen
for forgive me and thank you
are not words in her vocabulary,
but to bring her back into
redemption’s light would mean
reaching for the hand that
never apologized.

Each night as I fall down
in prayer I hope its more
than exhaustion’s tears
that takes me to my knees...

[This message has been edited by jellybeans (01-03-2003 01:41 PM).]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2003-01-03 01:35 PM

jellybeans~Excellent, heart-felt write.
I am speechless at the moment...
truly at a loss for words.
well done poetess.
~Hugs~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So you won't ever forget me~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2003-01-03 01:36 PM

sad write. Your heart is a beautiful thing.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2003-01-03 01:38 PM

indeed the depth of understanding can only come from one who has seen it...and lived it.. hugs my friend... may your prayers and hers be answered kindly..

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

4 posted 2003-01-03 01:42 PM

thank you all....this has been trying to write itself for some time now...am glad that it reaches the ears of caring people..
thank you so much

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2003-01-03 02:07 PM

jellybeans--I hope the writing of this helped the writer...for she is a person I care about, and her words give much of herself.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

6 posted 2003-01-03 02:29 PM

jellybeans
You words reveal your search for the grail,
well done.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

7 posted 2003-01-03 02:45 PM

Jellybeans,
this poem shows what a caring and compassionate heart you have, even when that care and compassion isn't returned to you.
Thank you for sharing a part of your heart with us.
My heart goes out to you, your husband, and his Mother. All of you also have my prayers, too.
Thank you....

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

8 posted 2003-01-03 02:59 PM

enchantress, thank you, thank you

ps, thank you lady...much sadness in this world....sigh

cpat, yes...one has to be there to write it effectively....must be why yours are so poignant

thank you my friend

martie...yes it did....thank you

seymore, you read deeply...sigh

gg, thank you so much, prayers are always welcome

Marsha

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-10

Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England

9 posted 2003-01-03 03:06 PM

JB This is simply one of the best I’ve seen in a long time. I truly don’t get here enough but there is only so much time in the day. I’m glad I didn’t get to miss this utter beauty it is extremely special the writing is perfect and again you have written pure gold. Beautiful work really beautiful

Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

Breathe through the heat of our desire
Thy coolness and they balm
Let sense be dumb let flesh retire
Speak through the earthquake wind and fire

Salty
Senior Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 669
Texas

10 posted 2003-01-04 02:31 AM

I felt every word ...You expressed so well. My Aunt had Alzheimers and I saw all these changes in her just as you have written them. Such a helpless person they become....and equally helpless.. the person trying to take care of them.

You did one excellent job with this write.

Salty

In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.
--Deepak Chop

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