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RebelFolk
Junior Member

since 2002-12-27

Posts 15
Nashville, TN

0 posted 2002-12-27 06:33 PM

I don't usually rhyme and I don't usually use dialogue so I wrote this on purpose to do both.

“You cannot keep it!” she sneered at me
“It shines for all to behold and see”
“Its magic, its music, its mystical light”
“You cannot keep it, it wouldn’t be right”

“It’s mine!” I replied “Who are you to say?”
“I’ll take it from here, take it far away”
“This day this hour this minute you see”
“It was meant for me, it was destiny”

“You can’t control it!” she fired back
“It’s not some bug you can pin with a tack”
“It will take and tease and torture your soul”
“Leave it here, put it back in the hole”

“I can’t let go!” I screamed in fear
“I realize now.  The meaning is clear”
“I’m caught I’m trapped like a rat in a cage”
“Help me please!” I screamed in rage.

“It’s your greed”  she said “let it go”
“You’re feeding it.  You’re helping it grow.”
“It lives it breathes it can taste the air”
“Set it free.  It’s only fair”

“You’re right” I said and fell to my knee
“Why didn’t I hear?  Why couldn’t I see?”
“Please bless and mend and forgive my soul”
And I carefully placed it back it the hole.

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

1 posted 2002-12-27 07:02 PM

RebelFolk,
you did this well, I could feel the pressure building. Perhaps you could call it Hidden Treasure or something like that.
Welcome to PiPtalk I hope you enjoy your stay.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

2 posted 2002-12-27 10:37 PM

~Welcome to Passions~

I like this a great deal. Creative and I'll bet you can come up with a title yourself. Quite a story. Talented, you are!

Warm regards, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

3 posted 2002-12-27 11:16 PM

A most enjoyable read... you did well on all accounts. My suggestion for a title: "Bait"
Thanks for sharing and welcome to PIP.

RebelFolk
Junior Member

since 2002-12-27

Posts 15
Nashville, TN

4 posted 2002-12-27 11:23 PM

Thank you for your comments. I am very happy I have found this place.

Music is the language God used to create the Universe

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

5 posted 2002-12-28 12:43 PM

WOW! That was really really good!! That just might be one of the best poems I've read on here! And I've read quite a few. Dang! That has to go in my library now. Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage, do you know that song by any chance? For a title how 'bout, "The place for it" or, "Not to keep". Personally I don't really like either of those so I won't be offended if you don't use them.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

6 posted 2002-12-28 12:54 PM

good stuff. Welcome To Passions! Hope to read more!

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