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Passions in Poetry

Dream ( Is this worth to be read at a cafe'?)

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Le Capitan de L'Amour
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since 07-15-2000
Posts 59


0 posted 12-19-2002 11:42 AM       View Profile for Le Capitan de L'Amour   Email Le Capitan de L'Amour   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Le Capitan de L'Amour

Like a dream you are to me every night;
As I gaze upon the stars;
I fall asleep thinking about you.
My sweet darling that I adore so much;
But a dream is not enough to explain the beauty of thee that brings you to me every night.

With the moon you come to make me a lunatic of love and desire;
For this not to be a dream for it to be true;
For you to be real!
Your blue eyes, your blond hair, your perfect figure, like a model you are. Too bad that like the dreams you just come by;
But you know that such beauty will not exist for a long time.

As I find you in my dream I desire a woman like you;
But here I never thought I would find thee.
As one night traveling gazing at the stars;
I find you beside me, and with a sweet kiss we began a dream that would never end!
© Copyright 2002 Le Capitan de L'Amour - All Rights Reserved
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


1 posted 12-19-2002 11:50 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

It's like asking if you should have white wine or red wine?....What kind of restaurant?....McDonalds?.....or a fancy place like Subway?....LOL....Seriously, I think it's a great write...no matter where it was read....if ya choose not to use this...use this:

Fancy Cafes

Low slung
Modern marvels
Of stone and glass
Sitting on the street
Looking for people to eat
Like architect cannibals
Scouting the vast uncharted
Frontiers of lunch
Plastic beanery grub mills
Out to kill the appetites
Either by taste or sight
It's like going out to eat
At a hawaiian shirt.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


2 posted 12-19-2002 12:52 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

I think it's a beautiful poem, kinda reminds myself of me...yeah, read it in the cafe.
christian
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since 12-18-2002
Posts 341


3 posted 12-19-2002 01:27 PM       View Profile for christian   Email christian   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for christian


zzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzz ..
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


4 posted 12-19-2002 02:01 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

Chris, wake up behave yourself!


Seriously? I think you should dream about redheads. And I'm sick of Barbie dolls.
But it's your dream, and I think maybe something got lost in the translation.

Read it anywhere you like, even a classy joint like Subways....
LOL, I enjoyed the read and the replies, but think you might want to work on it a bit more. You are a good sport, and very brave to ask openly for opinions from some of this crowd.


PS I tried to email you a welcome, it was rejected by the server.

[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (12-19-2002 02:36 PM).]

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 07-29-2000
Posts 9235
Victoria Australia


5 posted 12-19-2002 03:11 PM       View Profile for Kethry   Email Kethry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kethry

Read it or don't the choice is yours. I howver enjoyed reading it out aloud.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown


Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


6 posted 12-19-2002 03:41 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Toe..that read of yours would fit in about anywhwere... I enoyed it a great deal...


Le Capitan de L'Amour: Not for us to decide should you or shouldn't you, but if I was going to... I'd take one more pass at editing it to reduce and redundant word use and to make sure the images are sharpened to their finest.... It reads fine as it is written..so I am not being critical... and this is where the whole thing of someone asking an opinion gets sticky... only way I could make the decision would I read it or not..is to say what would I do if I was going to read it in public..would I not want one last look and one last try to make it pop?


JamesMichael
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since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


7 posted 06-15-2004 03:44 AM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Like this...James
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 09-16-2007
Posts 8075
Realm of Supernatural


8 posted 10-28-2007 11:26 AM       View Profile for Artic Wind   Email Artic Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artic Wind

very much enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND
 
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