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Open Poetry #24
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The funeral
| Open Poetry #24 |
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The funeral |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
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The Funeral. In morning sky fell cats and dogs freely as they came grey above beyond below In morning sky fell cats and dogs freely The title is only a working title at the moment as I am not quite sure what I am going to call it. Critiques are most welcome. Hope you enjoy the read. Andrew  My Violent Bedtime Stories |
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| © Copyright 2002 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
This is great.....it read out in a sequence, continuous, such as the rain that falls, and the text formatting spirals downward,as rain. I like the cats and dogs idea, and would base a title on it, I think. Very much enjoyed reading this one!! ~~S~~ Pen how you truly feel... |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Andrew, I agree with Sunnyone, you have such a wonderful and inventive idea going here and a title blended with the cats and dogs would be perfect, yay! (big hugggssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Andrew, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Not bad... I think I've seen better from you, but this isn't bad at all... just a little over my head is all; not a big surprise there  Good to see you writing. Rj "it was cute, it was like he was shy and didn't want to make it too obvious" |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Andrew~ I enjoyed this very much. I've read this quite a few times now, and I'm not really sure of the exact meaning that you were shooting for, but I do know that I like it. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Hey I like this.. But I'm wondering, does the title have something to do with the setting of when your remembering it? were you at a funeral, or some such event? If so then I think the title is good, if you expand on that idea. If not then maybe choose something else to expand on more, like how the rain was falling, or I don't know, whatever you choose, and then the title may come easier. Take care and keep it up! I enjoyed this. Always, GG - And so it was that time stood still - |
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