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Open Poetry #24
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A. L. Becker
Member
since 2002-09-06
Posts 167
San Francisco, California

0 posted 2002-12-17 04:53 PM


A homeless dude pushes his shopping cart.
He scrapes along, panhandling for a buck.
His doglike face displays his rotten luck.
By looks and taunts he'll 'vance his filthy art.
My eyes ahead i'm trying to pretend
i cannot see; i haven't what he wants.
And walking on, and feigning nonchalance,
From out his grasp my path i hope to wend.
We're more alike, the dirty thief and i,
Than either me or he are like to say.
For while his street's a toilet, mine's an ashtray
And neither will lift a finger to get him by.

Except the Lord commands to each a task,
A simple one: to give to all who ask.


"Oh, do not ask, 'What is it?'
Let us go and make our visit."
-Eliot

[This message has been edited by A. L. Becker (12-18-2002 07:18 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 A. L. Becker - All Rights Reserved
Sunnyone
Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England
1 posted 2002-12-17 04:58 PM


You know, in your critique you stated that you wanted to learn from the poets here, but to tell the truth, after reading this, I will truthfully say that there is much we can learn from you, my friend!  This is a splendid write, and the thoughts here are touching to anyone who knows city life, and even if they don't.  Bravo!!

P.S. has anyone ever told you how much you resemble a much younger Goldie Hawn? And that is a compliment,as she's a fav of mine!!!


Pen how you truly feel...
it is a safety-valve for the soul!
    



[This message has been edited by Sunnyone (12-17-2002 05:01 PM).]

Music Maker
Member
since 2002-07-07
Posts 152
THE ORIGINAL !!!!
2 posted 2002-12-17 05:15 PM


Firstly I would also like to add my agreement (For once!!) with my wife's comments about your similarity to Goldie Hawn.  I assume that you mean that you throw your cigarette butts in the street, and not that you pee in an ashtray?
Seriously though, what a perceptive and well thought out poetic observation - Well Done!!
Pleeze (pretty please!) write more soon in this manner, I loved it.
Seasonal Felicitations,to you and those that you love, from
John

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

A. L. Becker
Member
since 2002-09-06
Posts 167
San Francisco, California
3 posted 2002-12-17 05:42 PM


dear Sunnyone and Music Maker, thank you so much for your thoughtful comments.  i have a hard time with sonnets and i'm glad you liked my attempt.

"Oh, do not ask, 'What is it?'
Let us go and make our visit."
-Eliot

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2002-12-18 04:01 AM


welp, I work security in a parking lot at WalMart, and we have some panhandlers now and then, and even though I would like to help, I can't. I even have to tell them to leave. But the people that I do get to help are worth the job.
Sandpiper
Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738
land of flora and fauna
5 posted 2002-12-18 04:11 AM


Compelling write--enjoyed!

"And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul."
Pablo Neruda

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

6 posted 2002-12-18 09:20 AM


Enjoyed this perspective and the form..
nicely done indeed.


Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
7 posted 2002-12-18 09:33 AM


Nice snapshot of the real world. I enjoyed the contrast, a glance at both sides of the street.  
Connel
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736
Florida, USA
8 posted 2002-12-18 09:36 AM


lol... Goodpoem.. Thanks for sharing.

I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait.

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