Sycamore, IL, USA
I'm not trying to be your savior, but I do know God loves you, sees you hurting and will help you through your grief. It sounds like you had a close relationship with your Grandpa. Thank God for that. It also sounds as though your Grandpa showed you how to weather a 'bad storm', which was cancer in his case, and a great loss, in yours. It's so good you came here to write as that's a very healing sign. A problem shared, is reduced in size.
My heart sympathizes with you. Two of my children died so I know what it is to hurt, but my faith in God helped me through.
God bless you,