I suppose now would be a good time to come clean and state out front that I am now more a Christian than I am an atheist. My little game of playing atheism was fun for a while but it wasn't really something that matched up with how I really feel.
It is odd that someone supposedly as analytical as myself should be making statements like these, but I think that it is my overly analytical self that is partially to blame. The virtually religious devotion to the suppression of emotion and wonder at all God has done in the name of a scientific view of the same without God were getting to be too much for me. Perhaps my atheist friends would say that I have cracked. But in response to them I would say that their philosophy wasn't enough.
Indeed, I should say that I am seeing once again a pattern has repeated itself many times in my life. I have adopted some idea or other preached by others, carried it around with enthusiasm, done several stupid things I have regretted in the name of the idea, and then rejected it. But let us suppose for the moment that I have indeed cracked and not lived up to my previous Nietzschean ‹bermensch doctrines.
Given this pathetic state then, I can only hope that the blood and other fluids that will flow from my broken shell will serve to benefit others. May this quixotic quest against the calm and churning faiths carried largely in silence in the hearts of others never be repeated again. And may others learn from me.