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jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

0 posted 2004-02-13 09:18 AM

too late my son are my struggles to
comprehend your need
to keep secret
a point of escape

for us your smile withheld
your broad shoulders upheld
as long as you were
you
then we could be
we
but the absolution of years
of suffering proved to be past
the point of your endurance

you knew
I am now sure
how much
we needed you
but your heart was too big
to tell us that our need
was killing you
that this codependence
was not rational of us
of me

death has broken the dam
the force sends me hurling downstream
the present succumbs to the past,
all the wrongs and the guilt thereof

throwing up the poison
that is drowning me is not an
option, it rages within
and without

so many times freedom
has been sought from this
ghastly venom but I had not the fortitude
to tolerate the hollow wake
of its leaving

and it appears I am
denied the reprieve
of willing this heart of mine
to stop its
beating

at this point forgiveness
seems mute-
does dust turned ash have need
of pleading
of resolution?
no, it is the living
for which it is more than necessary
the lack of
is life
threatening

still I seek
for my sobs to reach to
before too late
beyond the beyond
please hear my anguished
repentance

though acceptance attempts
to tell me that even if-nothing changes
life does not go on
after death there is only
crying - tears rolling
down cheeks past numb
past caring

without you the battle roars
I am deafened by the wailing
of the wounded
my shield is burned to ashen
and too late I perceive
the principalities of darkness
and how desperately
they needed you gone

my mind is close to leaving
I feel the welcoming of the door
the sweet deceit of non
existence calls

I can no longer fight this fight
let me once and for all
be rid of these bitters
and let me be filled with only
the sweet grace of You
my Lord

spent, held up
only by Your love
my words are all I have left
please read deep into my heart
precious Savior
my whispered prayers are too close
to stopping

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

1 posted 2004-02-13 09:37 AM

and it appears I am
denied the reprieve
of willing this heart of mine
to stop its
beating

Yes. For his life... and the love he gave you... deserves remembering. And you can only do that by going on... even when the hope this pain will someday lessen seems but an illusion. He was filled with love and able to love because he was surrounded by love... that's still with you.

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

2 posted 2004-02-13 09:57 AM

thank you my friend, lifting people higher is your gift from God I do believe...thank you my friend

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

3 posted 2004-02-13 01:28 PM

jellybeans: Your pain and anguish cry out from every line. I pray that He will be with you constantly and give you stength to carry on.

Love
Betty Lou

Betty Lou Hebert

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

4 posted 2004-02-14 02:57 PM

Allow Him to lift you up and help you deal with this terrible loss as only He can understand. Bless you. Chris

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2004-02-14 05:13 PM

(big angel hugs) Yes, let Him decide how you must carry on from here with your faith, follow Him closely in in-dependence with His grace and He shall offer you the peace you desire where his love is forever beating to you! (sigh) Look to the skies, the kingdom is beaconing His word, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2004-02-14 06:07 PM

In stillness we find peace.
In love we find healing,
my thoughts and prayers are with you~

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

7 posted 2004-02-15 01:51 PM

A magnificent work! Grover.

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

8 posted 2006-06-26 11:17 AM

thank you

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