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Spiritual Journeys #2
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Going to Hell (Finished!)
| Spiritual Journeys #2 |
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Going to Hell (Finished!) |
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davidmerriman Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123Dallas, TX |
thanks for all the replies on the rough draft. Here is the finished version for now, all comments and critique are much appreciated! It is in Iambic Pentameter, as you can see. Going to Hell Arranged in lines, us battered souls march on To undisclosed locations far away. The tribulation failed now weighs down strong; Our backs are cracked like sunrays through the gray. We still march on, although we failed the test. Now never will we know eternal rest. A stench infests the air in which we breathe, With groans of death that swell within the ear - Exploding throats of those who were deceived. The sights and sounds predict that Hell draws near. We watch the flames that lick and lap the shore, For lakes of phosphor burn forever more. Magnesium in water that we drink Will burn down cold before you start to pour. With sight and smell, a taste of death and stink Surrounds this land of waste that I abhor. For now my soul is blinded by a blight Too dark for any rational insight. And in this blur of evil dismal dark, Distinguished sights and sounds cannot be formed. Remembering of Heralds and their Hark, But never was this hidden God adorned. Salvation was too far away to sense; In Hell, now I will lie forever hence. Could I have seen His glory until now, Or known that words of men could mean so much? Could I believe the powers He endowed Those Holy men who's drivel was God's touch? Now looking back, it matters not; I'm damned. In sixteen years my damnation was crammed. And all these sights and sounds surround me whole, As if this open vastness closes in. I somehow felt his presence take its toll. Beelzebub, my master, lied within! If only I could rip open my chest Removing tar that lies within the flesh. And now I see my ever beating heart That keeps my conscious touch from dying off. Why can't my soul and body finally part? For only blood exhales the breath I cough. My metaphysic torture seems so real As if my shell were not in dirt and steel. And damn that God to Hell with me, for he Created paradox in existence. The Universe was made to trick me! He Foresaw the apple and our torture hence. He made us, then sent us to the devil's lair! Salvation came to those men unaware! But now I open my perceiving eyes - My fate now resting in the devil's hands. I must accept those once deceiving lies, While God remains hidden to men he damns. A coward, bastard, yet still in control Of me and of my poor, pathetic soul. [This message has been edited by davidmerriman (05-28-2003 01:14 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 David Merriman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LayItDown Member
since 2003-05-17
Posts 94 |
A very powerful and honest statement in poetic form. Me? I'd rather not let dirty, stinking, infested, uninvited rats sleep with me. As long as I'm calling the shots, this ain't happenin' baby! So to, I believe hell is an expression of God's holiness. You're right. He gets to call the shots. But provides us some very wonderful options to participate in our own deliverance from the furnace. Love, LayItDown |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I can really appreciate all the work that went into this poem, and it is a very strong statement of eternal hell. I am not quite sure I understand this part of your poem and would like you to explain your meaning behind it if you would. quote: By the way as long as I have choices I am in control at least in my mind anyway.  |
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davidmerriman Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123Dallas, TX |
now remember, this poem is through the eyes of someone who has recently been walking the path towards hell, he's going to be very bitter. the man believes that god "revealing himself" only through the untrustworthy words of men is not enough of a convincer in a world and existance that appearingly contradicts the prophet's teachings. he believes that God must be arrogant and cruel to let only those who worship and ask for his forgiveness constantly for listening to their own bodies that he gave them go to Heaven, and the rest must suffer the fate of hell. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssss) Ah, that explains the ending, I too would have been confused if you hadn't clarified that! (sad sigh) Yes, I think I can understand this condition, though of course if He truly forced everyone to believe in Him and those promises He makes, then all of free will would be gone and that is the beauty of believing; to just know such a grace exists without being put to the burden of knowing so! (sigh) He is not being unsympathetic, in fact it is the opposite and I surely hope those who share this kind of misery can learn that, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet David, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story |
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