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Open Poetry #23
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nicolecruz
Junior Member
since 2002-12-11
Posts 16


0 posted 2002-12-11 07:32 AM


i had to escape today
too many relatives
toddlers
bored smiles
to endure

staring at my dying dog i realized:
i am not for this house anymore
just as he is no longer for this world
we have sprouted wings
but until we use them we remain crippled under their weight

his eyes are clouded with cataracts
mine with adolescent disillusionment
soon we will both be gone
dead to 1701
no longer living breathing members of the four bedroom decorating travesty

the thoughts are too much for me
and i have to get out
anywhere that serves caffeine in thermally conscious containers will do just fine

that's why i am here
a utopia of quiet soothing jazz
and neutral tones
no dying dogs
no bad breakfast casserole

here there are woodgrain tables
and plush velvety chairs
and you

you are wearing hues softer than the jazz your finger follow as they tap keys
your hair is a mess but you don't care
a venti? you are excessive and impulsive
you would buy me expensive gifts beyond your means

i would feign anger
i would refuse them
but later i would giggle that you thought me
so remarkable
and deserving

i wonder what you are writing
as if it matters
that you are writing is quite enough

the life and arts section lays rumpled through in front of you
life
art
i would have you be both to me

the newsprint pixels
form a holy salmon and lime image
the virgin mary
virgen de guadalupe

mexican catholic art that
you know i love
find romantic
ridiculous
and quite absurd
yet beautiful
much like you after all

the virgin stares at me with sad eyes
i know your plight mary
because i too am
as of yet
unfulfilled

near mary's hopeful face your fingers move
gracefully at times
sometimes rough
as ideas flow through them

mary's eyebrows arch thinking bad thoughts about those fingers
wanting her holy title to be torn to pieces by those chewed nails
and knuckles swollen from that nasty habit you have of cracking them

bad mary
stupid mary

you don't know him at all
you only know what you dream

and sadly, your virgin's dreams are no reality for him
his world of laptops and messy hair
is without dying dogs
and houses he is claustrophobic in
he is free to drive away from it all in his land rover
and he does drive away

he is free
and you, mary, know nothing about freedom

© Copyright 2002 nicolecruz - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2002-12-11 08:25 AM


Well told...touching with the gritty feel of truth to it. I enjoy this style of poetry. Poetry that is real enough to allow us inside the head of the writer and see the world through the heart...

I look forward to reading more... this story seems to have not been told to its conclusion as there are other days and other thoughts that are a part of the thoughts offered here...


Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2002-12-11 08:28 AM


This is outstanding! Nicole, it's one of the best pieces I've ever read. The metaphors and imagery you use are fantastic, the writing flows smoothly and allows the reader think, feel, and see through your mind. You had me sitting right there, on the edge of my starbuck's seat.
BRAVO!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
3 posted 2002-12-11 09:13 AM


Very well done...and much enjoyed!
~Hugs~

~ Life is too short not to believe in Santa Claus ~

Sunkissed
Senior Member
since 2002-12-03
Posts 610

4 posted 2002-12-11 09:39 AM


Now this is what poetry is all about.


Sunkissed.

RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

5 posted 2002-12-11 09:59 AM


The run exhilarates even offers a sort of high, then we run out of breath or rope. Enjoyed the brief escape and the visions. Welcome
Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688
USA
6 posted 2002-12-11 10:35 AM



A very good read.
Marking it as a

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
7 posted 2002-12-11 11:17 AM


quote:
i would feign anger
i would refuse them
but later i would giggle that you thought me
so remarkable
and deserving
this really kept up with me here... following in a swerving pattern through this perceived morning... yet skillfully staying right on track, not losing your train of thought with inconsequential sidebars. it's a somewhat familiar writing style, on that i've really grown to appreciate over the past couple of years, with some unique differences that make it feel 'fresh'.

Peace,

Christopher

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
8 posted 2002-12-11 02:21 PM




(big hugggsssssssss) BRAVO!!! Oh my gosh, this is marvelous, I LOVE IT!!! ASTOUNDING!!! Indeed Mary may not have uncovered the true meaning of freedom, yet she did uncover something else: forgiveness, and it is but the gate to the entrance of freedom! (sigh) This is very heartfelt, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Nicole, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2002-12-11 02:24 PM


excellent! I love this style!
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

10 posted 2002-12-11 10:50 PM


*Bump*

too good not to go back to the top....


MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...
11 posted 2002-12-11 11:01 PM


Very well written with cascading scenery and streaming thought.  Sipping my tall, hot caramel cider, waiting for more...

-MVS

"AS ABOVE SO BELOW"

Kielo
Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109

12 posted 2002-12-11 11:06 PM


This was very good. Very well-written. Thank you.

Kielo

I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

13 posted 2002-12-11 11:48 PM


I really enjoyed this.

Maree

Sandpiper
Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738
land of flora and fauna
14 posted 2002-12-12 05:18 AM


I scroll, and find a treasure!  This is raw, earthy, and talent-packed--a mind bender of excellence---APPLAUSE!!

"And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul."
Pablo Neruda

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
15 posted 2002-12-12 08:14 PM


nicole

Really enjoyed the honest reflection, the edgy truth of the heart that you show here.  Very well done!

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