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Open Poetry #23

Humble (Feedback Please)

Cassie
Junior Member

since 2002-11-12

Posts 32

0 posted 2002-12-08 11:54 AM

With every sinrise is a new day
With every smile is a new face

With every cocoon a new butterfly
With every seed a new flower

With every every rhyme a new poem
With every verse a new song

With every end a new beginning
With every breath a new life

Let us not take thing for granted
For life is too short to be encanted

Let us be humble
And not stumble

So with every step of your way
Let it shine like a bright light on a summer day

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

1 posted 2002-12-08 12:07 PM

I love it,
only two small things. Spelling mistake on the first line. And "Let us not take thing" to '..a thing' or '..things', or maybe "Let us take nothing for granted" I really like this poem and wouldn't change anything but the spelling. Beautiful words and a beautiful sentiment.

[This message has been edited by Aenimal (12-08-2002 12:08 PM).]

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2002-12-08 12:31 PM

Cassie
Let us all be well and jolly, enjoyed.

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

3 posted 2002-12-08 12:43 PM

With mistletoe and holly.

Sorry couldn't resist adding to Sey's response. It is the season, you know.

Also your poem inspired me. Upbeat and a wonderful way to choose to live.

Enjoyed much, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

[This message has been edited by regards2you (12-08-2002 01:03 PM).]

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