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Open Poetry #23
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Saxoness
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Senior Member
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102
Texas

0 posted 2002-12-07 09:54 PM


I'm in a dark room today.
In my head there is moody blues
and smoke consuming my ill intentions.
An old black man sings on stage;
another lover is gone.
I swirl my green Midouri Sour
until it sloshes over the edge of a glass
clearer than he or I could ever be.
I wait until I catch his wrinkled gaze
before licking moisture off my hand-
salty sweet communication
cathes him off gaurd and now
he's singing for me alone.

Today I'm thinking of warm bath water
and cold memories touching my resolve
to stay numb and aloof.
I want to submerge my head
until my hair becomes soft and pretty again.
Let the water flow in through my ears.
I refuse to open my mouth or my eyes.

I am like Houdini-
trapped inside a box or burlap bag.
Dust chokes me and not enough air
flows through the spaces for survival.
Rip open the bag with scissors.
Cut into my heart.
Stab it more than once, the scars
make it tougher than it should be,
and like all fanatic deceivers
I'll keep coming back for more.

Today my tongue is coated with
left over lucidity
and the sticky white paste clings
to the roof of my mouth.
Pitch black exists eyes closed
and eyes open.
I will cut off my nose to spite myself,
but I won't feel it and all that will happen
is another part of me will become vacant.

I can't stand to hear the sound
of my own voice sobbing,
I prefer to smother my doubts
in rain filled gutter-al pacivity.
I would rather pour rusty nails into my throat
than show the world any suspected humanity.
I have become what I have learned, after all,
strong on the outside, rotting on the inside.
My knuckles crack with a frosty demeanor,
and though I let you lean against me,
I may become the tree you're nailed to in the end.

I'm hearing the black and blues today.
I'll order another drink even though
I will not taste it,
I'll tip the bartender even though
he doesn't know my name and,
lean my elbows into the jagged
counter top and bleed deeper.
If a liquid must come from my body
let it be life's true hydration
because my emotions have already dried up.



"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."
                                

[This message has been edited by Saxoness (12-07-2002 09:55 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Angela Erin Burke - All Rights Reserved
regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
1 posted 2002-12-07 10:41 PM




Oh, my...wow....you don't look old enough to know such depth and feelings. I stopped breathing while reading the last half of this.....eyes becoming wider and wider open, relating...A very good write!

Hugs and warm regards, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
2 posted 2002-12-07 11:23 PM


Riveting to the core of cold pain. Very well written, begging to be fiction...
All good wishes. ThisDiamond

Ice_Queen
Junior Member
since 2002-12-04
Posts 29
Delaware, USA
3 posted 2002-12-08 01:42 PM


Nice.  Especially liked this part:

Pitch black exists eyes closed
and eyes open.
I will cut off my nose to spite myself,
but I won't feel it and all that will happen
is another part of me will become vacant.

Feelin' it.

Groovy Oovy

"Love is a heartache waiting to happen,
  And a promise never kept."

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
4 posted 2002-12-08 02:08 PM


I was thinking the same as Pat...unless that is an old picture of you,
you can certainly write of the feelings of a much older and wiser
writer than yourself. I was deeply pulled into the words I was
reading. Thank you for sharing.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~
                  

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
5 posted 2002-12-08 02:17 PM


Saxoness
It's true the picture had me fooled, but texas does strange things to people. LOL
Enjoyed.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

6 posted 2002-12-09 08:46 PM


Pitch black exists eyes closed
and eyes open.
I will cut off my nose to spite myself,
but I won't feel it and all that will happen
is another part of me will become vacant.


a painful write..but very well done. The emotions poured out in this one grab the reader and drag them into the depths of your feeling...

if it is perssonal to you... I can only say it does at times feel so low... but I hope the inverse high soon finds it way to your heart


GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
7 posted 2002-12-09 09:15 PM


oh my  ..I too held my breathe when I got near the end of this. And I clenched my hands thinking of pain and held completely still.
No one should have to know this pain.

"My knuckles crack with a frosty demeanor,
and though I let you lean against me,
I may become the tree you're nailed to in the end."
and
"lean my elbows into the jagged
counter top and bleed deeper.
If a liquid must come from my body
let it be life's true hydration
because my emotions have already dried up."

..wow ..you really know how to write, and to cut into someones emotions, keep it up girl.

Always, GG


- And so it was that time stood still -

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
8 posted 2002-12-10 03:47 AM


very impressive! such depth!
diphycue
New Member
since 2002-10-28
Posts 8
Rolla, Missouri, USA
9 posted 2002-12-11 10:09 AM


Unfortunately, I have to take some credit for the impetus behind this poem...hurts me to know that. :-(
Moonlight Romeo
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982
The heart of you
10 posted 2002-12-11 12:22 PM


To be inspired is one thing, to be the inspiration, definitely another.

Thank you.

What light through yon window breaks?  It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
11 posted 2002-12-11 01:34 PM




(big hugggsssssss) Oh Angela, I hope this is also an old shadow of yourself and not a current feeling, but either way you shine with a remarkable wisdom and depth in your voice! (sigh) We will continue to be deceived by this magic at first glance, but know you can always disappear while you can then they can't stuff you in that bag, you can be Houdini too, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Angela, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Siofra
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-28
Posts 551
State of Suspended Passion
12 posted 2002-12-11 11:20 PM


I love this, felt it....hell it almost ripped my heart out with its honesty and rawness. This line "may become the tree you're nailed to in the end." in part 5 just brings that whole stanza together, and it screamed at me for some reason. enjoyed just does't cover it. My spirit devoured this one I think.

"My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
Of that tongue’s uttering, yet I know the sound:" "Romeo and Juliet"

fishop
Member
since 2002-09-13
Posts 79
ohio
13 posted 2002-12-11 11:51 PM


nailed to the tree.  Loved it felt it.  Oh how I would tie one on if I could escape the confines of responsibility.  

very well done.

Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102
Texas
14 posted 2002-12-28 09:39 PM


Thank you all so much for the comments, they truly mean so much to me.  

"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."
                                

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
15 posted 2003-12-12 12:34 PM


I keep coming back to read this...
I'm just gonna keep it in my library...
so amazing.

Always, Alyssa

He was a man of sorrows
...I am a girl of tears.

gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA
16 posted 2004-06-06 02:21 PM


love, love, love this. It was like wonderful, playing out the scenes in my head. brilliant writing, rich with description and emotion.
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