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Open Poetry #23
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"A Sign?"
| Open Poetry #23 |
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"A Sign?" |
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D edgar Grey Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 174Hell...(aka Wisconsin) |
I almost posted this in the spiritual section, but they didn't seem to like my piece that questioned religion last time, so...guess I'll try here! Oh, and be completely, brutaly honest. I really, really, really need help with my writings, and I would greatly appreciate any and all advice, no matter how in/significant it is. Thanks!!! ---------------------------------------------------- "A Sign?" Walking along dark streets I notice a brilliant light Floating amongst the stars Too large to be a plane And much too fast What is this thing? Is it God, telling me She wants me to learn All She has to offer? Is it Fate, asking me to Follow its light so I can Find the Destiny I seek? Is it a Sign of the Apocalypse Alerting me of the End, which Will be of flame and light? Or is it just my Imagination Running wild amongst The stars the light meets? If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." (If only...>; P) [This message has been edited by D edgar Grey (11-30-2002 10:31 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Carson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Crysania Member
since 2002-09-21
Posts 67Lost in a dream. (Please don't wake!) |
I like this...it represents, to me, how over zealous some religious people can get...I was just learning about Pascal in school, and I couldn't help but think he saw a few too many signs. At least I think it was Pascal...may have been another mathematician. ^^" Anyhow, again I say 'I like it.' And I too have been critisized for my challenging religion, so never fear, you're not alone. Well, not all religion, just Christianity. ^^; Almost can't help it, being Wiccan........some things I just can't let slide..........ok, 'nuff rambling from me. *hugz* Farewell! (Later) I re-read your poem, asking for advice, and I think this is fine as it is. Not much help, sorry! One more thing. You refered to God as 'She'. That is incredibly significant to me. *hugz* Just had to say that. Every heart has hidden treasures...a secret wish, a silent dream, and a cherished love. [Unknown] [This message has been edited by Crysania (11-30-2002 10:59 PM).] |
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D edgar Grey Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 174Hell...(aka Wisconsin) |
Thanks....#^_^# Cool. A lot of my friends are Wiccan, and they seem to be a lot more open-minded than MOST* *(but not all) of the Christians I know. Not that Christianity is bad...I'm just saying that in my experience... Anyway...heh heh...glad someone noticed the reference to God as a female. Can't help but believe that no male is smart enough to come up with all this stuff! (Oops...did I say that?!?) Thanks again! Zai jian Carson If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." (If only...>; P) |
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leafseranade Member
since 2001-07-06
Posts 118Wisconsin, USA |
Hey kid.  If you want advice...This one doesn't flow that well. Maybe I'm just too used to my ryhming and ryhthem. Can't be too hard on different styles. Ummm. But yeah, that's what I noticed. And maybe instead of "thing" in the line "What is this thing?" Use something more descriptive or related to the poem. or even more simple like "What is it?" Just my thoughts. |
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